Could they possibly completely garble their culture references here? Do they just have a random element generator that spits out three wildly convergent things and are required to throw them all together in one movie? Also, the correct pun in Apollo Seed. Come on. Hell, I would have accepted Apollo Leek.
I have a hate/reason to hate relationship with VeggieTales. Specifically, in high school I was friends with this group of people who would invite me over to their home and watch it. IN HIGH SCHOOL. I’ve only seen one of these movies, and it was more preachy than entertaining, and obviously biblically-themed, so what could I expect? But this…I don’t even know what this is all about. What the hell does this have to do with Jesus? How about we find out?
0:05 Of this goddamn Tuba. I remember instantly hating back then too.
1:41 It took until now to arbitrarily put the word “God” into the text. Damn, I lost my bet.
2:13 How does a sock puppet even work in a world where none of the characters have arms?
3:12 The cucumber didn’t want to complete his volunteer service because he didn’t understand how to use the bus. This makes sense, because any one who would watch this also doesn‘t know how to ride the bus.
4:30 Go ahead and tell me a half-hour story involving a crappy Aesop lesson while I sit on the payphone at the subway station.
4:54 The hell. A Three Stooges analogue? You haven’t earned that.
5:41 Guys, if you have a silent film card, you can’t read that card to the viewers.
6:55 Why are the peas French?
8:23 Okay, so the Three Stooges would regularly punch each other in the nose, but there is no way in hell that they would refuse to attempt to complete the menial job they were given! This is not their style!
10:09 The kiss on his cheek implies that he just had a raucous session of hot sex with the purple thing.
10:35 HAHAHAHA! Okay, that was a bit funny. They showed a silent movie to someone on the phone, and he didn’t see anything!
11:10 Oh good polka. Guys, only Weird Al can make polka cool.
11:32 Homophones are not an interesting topic of a song.
12:19 The hell? A rock guitar solo?
13:35 Flannelgraph. That’s a word, right?
14:11 People EVERYWHERE celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.
14:35 I was about to call this movie on insisting that St. Patrick was born in England, but…that’s true, apparently, so hey. Good for them.
15:50 Star Trek reference? How do children know what Star Trek is?
16:03 They also didn’t know about God, and THAT WAS BAD.
16:25 Pocahontas reference?! That makes even less sense. They are in Ireland!
17:07 I don’t care about praying! Tell me when he chases the snakes out!
17:38 And then God told him to escape slavery, because that’s what happens sometimes.
18:26 Ah yes, I too like to go to a Good Town.
19:05 Are you serious?! They killed the cute pig characters! And ate them!
20:26 And Patrick returned to Ireland to push his religion upon others!
20:57 Technically, that’s a simile. You used the word ‘like.’
21:54 And that’s why people celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, by drinking themselves blind and making jokes involving Samuel Jackson.
22:45 Yes, wrestlers of Japan! These skinny tall guys are ALL sumo wrestlers.
24:10 A Mr. T reference! This I can stand!
25:05 The hell? They are actually explaining how crappy their crappy joke name is?
25:34 STOP BEING META!
25:52 Why is the Mickey character coaching the Mr. T character?
26:56 If I knew anything about professional wrestling, I could make a joke about this stupid character, but I don’t, so let me say that I hate him.
28:00 So, apparently the only reason they decided to make this about sumos instead of boxers is so they could make fat jokes.
28:44 YES! WE COULD TELL! It looks like a tiger! It’s a bike! A tiger bike! Obviously!
30:45 I didn’t understand a single word of that song.
31:41 And here is our dropkey midi version of the Rocky theme.
32:22 Yes, I remember how topical it is to make fun of the drinking eggs scene from Rocky. In 1982.
32:56 They’ve replaced the meat plant with a recycling center. On account of the fact that they are all vegetables, so there’s no meat in this world. That kinda makes sense.
34:09 That’s right kids! All clowns are losers! Laugh at them.
34:42 Also, we totally believe in God here in Japan during the sumo era! And we are vegetables!
37:07 UG! Eye of the tiger blatantly thrown in there.
37:46 That’s, that’s not how bags explode.
38:42 Wait, his Philadelphia Museum of Art is the escalator at the mall? That is so lame.
39:26 Oh no, it’s almost as if this entire sport is based upon body mass!
41:08 It’s a tie? That’s…appropriate to the movie that they are scrappily parodying, so that’s fine.
41:58 And here are some flowers, because we couldn’t think of a good rhyme.
42:28 Nope, I totally let you down! So here’s a crappy bell, kid!
43:27 That’s right! I heard the entire story, went to the toy drive, worked for three hours, and now I’m here, about two minutes after than the last time you talked to me!
44:15 The computer is named Qwerty? Come on guys, that’s literally the worst most obvious name for a computer. Also, this Apple II apparently only has scripture software installed.
45:40 And there are some random kanji to play us out!
46:10 Wait, there are literally three guys doing the majority of the voices?
Verdict: What did any of that have to do with the phrase “of the Opera“? Because they sang? I expected a sociopath with half a burnt face! Also, the story featured in the damn title only took up like twenty minutes, the rest was filled up with a couple of crappy stories that didn’t involve snakes! I wanted to see snakes! Also, no Jesus, that was weird. Just capitol G God. (Although hey, he did get a mention like every five minutes.)
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