LAST TIME: The writers suddenly remembered they had two more female characters, so they get looped back in, lucky them. The doctors deal with a stupid medical drama in which a guy thinks he’ll be a black man in the future, when really he has Ronald Reagan’s disease, I didn’t get it either. Also some more boring crap.
0:25 If Mr. Cheetos Dust isn’t played by Patton Oswalt, I’m going to be mildly upset.
0:55 Come on guys, move it along, last call.
1:26 What the fuck? Yakuza?!
1:36 Rocket Launcher? What the?
1:46 Oh fuck, that was in medias res, now we get to spend the entire episode finding out what that was all about.
2:26 Oh! Hero FBI guy used to be a drunk! That’s why he knows beardo.
3:06 Who is this new black guy? Are we supposed to know who he is? Why do they keep introducing new black guys?
3:50 Guest Starring Peter Coyote, which is totally his real name.
4:06 Wait wait wait…the wife never knew her husband was a drunk? Why does she think the beard guy hangs around their house all the time?
5:37 I’d like a big dog on my side, like Clifford, or Marmaduke.
6:10 Trusty Boy Scout? Is that some sex position I don’t know about?
6:50 Hey, I couldn’t help but notice that you totally kicked my ass. Want to go out with me?
7:40 Here you go, satellite footage that was stolen from the government by a hacker. I see no harm in handing it to you and lying about where I got it, here, in a government building.
8:40 And the President happens to look like…Ronald Reagan. Old, thin, and white.
8:57 “Mr. President, why aren’t we meeting in the press room? This looks like someone draped a Presidential Seal over a chalkboard at Princeton."
9:13 Wait…hang on, shouldn’t this be the new president, only in office for about eight months. Why would his administration be scrutinized for their treatment of 9/11?
9:59 Oh god, in the future, during the flashforward time, something is going to happen, and the President will be notified!
11:10 Oh alright, she does know that he’s an alcoholic. She’s just concerned, because she’s a lady.
12:11 “I don’t know, my motivations are all over the place right now. It makes me a complex character, apparently.”
13:25 So, this character whose been treated as comic relief since the beginning has a vast history and the episode is all about him. Okay.
14:14 Oh my, she must really be a lesbian! Or she just goes to fancy dinners with her lady friends.
15:30 Thank you! Jeez! Don’t leave us hanging like that.
16:18 I like “Blame China” guy. His argument is stupid.
17:17 You changed your first name to Senator?
17:31 Woah woah, slow the hell down. Stop giving this guy so much backstory.
18:17 That is pretty impossible. We just saw the President’s flashforward. He’s obviously still President.
19:04 What the fuck? Why are people climbing up the FBI’s ass over this website? It’s a website! You don’t need a lot of resources to maintain it. That’s why the dot com boom happened so effectively.
20:10 This meeting will reconvene tomorrow with enough time in between for things to totally wrong.
22:08 CROW ATTRITION?
23:19 That circular logic makes perfect sense to me.
23:42 You know, when you say it out loud, FBI guy’s flashforward does sound completely insane.
24:48 Your first thought is they look like pylons? Do you play a lot of Starcraft, Short-haired FBI Chick?
26:00 Really? Everyone else remembers the whole thing? Because we haven’t seen that yet. Everyone seemed to remember about 20 seconds of boring nonsense.
27:54 What? Oprah’s building a school at this village where they have these death towers? Wouldn’t she notice them?
28:48 Hold up, are the death towers still there? Have they disappeared? Please clarify.
30:02 Oh dear, this is a good plot point. The social implications of this flashforward website in which anyone can see anyone else‘s future.
31:23 That was supersad! I don’t want to see lesbians mad at each other.
31:48 FBI Director has a son too? Who the hell is this guy?
33:18 The Mosaic once again makes it easy to destroy someone’s life. I say we shut the whole thing down.
34:22 What the hell is the backdrop of the karaoke video? It looks like a B-movie.
35:26 Super pissy yelling match!
36:23 Wow, this revelation wouldn’t have meant as much if we didn’t suddenly learn he’s an alcoholic.
37:24 We heard super macho yelling in here, we came to check it out.
37:44 Also, dick move. “You just told me you’re an alcoholic, so I’m going to tip my drink at you to signify we’re celebrating.”
38:17 That’s a good question! Because about three characters we know heard FBI guy yell that, and none of them seem like colossal jerks.
38:55 Welcome to the 1:30 a.m. news. Yes, we are still up instead of just showing you Snuggies commercials.
39:47 Okay sure, this scene from the beginning makes even less sense now. I thought you were supposed to give hints when you did a “building up to this moment” episode.
40:11 What the fuck?! FBI chick is also being attacked by random Asians at the exact same time? How do you coordinate that?
40:41 OKAY! This is goofy as shit! You cannot have a huge gun fight while a karaoke cover of “Like a Rolling Stone” plays in the background. I am laughing too loudly to notice about what’s going on.
41:30 Why are you still fucking firing at the fleeing car? You are FBI agents, not John Woo characters! Get their license number!
42:20 What the hell did that means? Is she going to die? Will she choose to have a baby because of this incident?
Verdict: Where the hell did the FBI Director’s backstory come from? He was on the campaign trail, he’s friends with the President, he knows dark secrets. It’s weird, because the only thing we’re seen him do so far is get humiliated for being in the bathroom. Also, Yakuza? The hell? And that gunfight was exceptionally stupid.
*FlashForward is available on Netflix InstantWatch and Hulu. FlashForward is property of the American Broadcasting Company.
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