LAST TIME: Supergirl’s back. She was naked. No really, that is the only thing that happened last issue. I sure something else happens in this issue, because if it’s just more sexy fish out of water nonsense, I’ll just go watch Splash.
Page 1, Panel 1: Ew, Superman. This is your cousin you’re talking about. Also, how Batman reading this? I thought we established he doesn’t know Kryptonian.
Page 1, Panel 2: Oh okay. Superman’s talking about familial love. Yeah, they don’t tell those stories anymore because they are boring.
Page 1, Panel 3: Batman is just itching for a dead body to show up.
Page 2, Panel 1: Hey Batman, are you done making repairs yet? I want to that this rocket squid to the moon.
Page 2, Panel 4: You couldn’t buy clothes for a lady? It’s not that hard. You go to a store. Also, what the hell is with her shirt?
Page 4, Panel 2: Whatever is coming through the door, Batman is going to cut it.
Page 5, Panel 1: I always said that the only thing scarier than an angry dog chasing you is an angry dog with heat vision chasing you.
Page 6, Panel 2: What? It’s not her fault that your stupid dog chased her. Why are you treating her like a child?
Page 6, Panel 4: And why the hell would Batman need to go talk to her? Why are Superman suddenly acting like Kara is his unruly child and Batman is the mom?
Page 6, Panel 5: Krypto has other jobs when he’s at other places? Is he a hot dog vendor sometimes? (I would totally read that book.)
Page 7, Panel 4: Didn’t Jason Todd die 15 years before this book was published? Why are you bringing it up like it happened a couple of months ago?
Page 10, Panel 3: Jeez, Batman. Of course she wants your trust. That’s a pretty basic human emotion. Er…humanoid emotion?
Page 11, Panel 2: GAH! Don’t hit us in the face with Granny Goodness like that. Jesus, she looks that asshole demon clown from Spawn before the makeup is put on.
Page 12, Panel 1: Nice nose armor. That’ll keep your nose protected from injury. Now if you considered something on your chest…
Page 13, Panel 3: Oh dear. Good thing you didn’t give her a name or something. Or explained who the hell she was or why she had to die.
Page 13, Panel 4: Wait, how does Darkseid know that Kara exists?
Page 14, Panel 2: Women, am I right? Even if they arrived her from another planet less than a month ago, they instantly want to go shopping.
Page 14, Panel 4: Great disguise, Batman. Those glasses make me instantly hate you. Why not just trail them as Batman?
Page 14, Panel 5: Voldemort?
Page 14, Panel 7: Let’s keep hanging a big old lampshade on the old Clark Kent glasses thing. Never gets old. Also, Batman has a lead-lined cowl?
Page 15, Panel 3: You guys are going to sculpt this eagle on my arm as well, right? This is Beaky, the Supereagle. He’s as important to me as anything else, so I want to make sure that when you make a giant statue of me, you put him in.
Page 15, Panel 5: Bruce buddy, I think you’re taking the bat motif a little too far with the bat-shaped eyebrows.
Page 16, Panel 4: Guys, it’s Wonder Woman. She is the only with a golden whip. Wonder Woman.
Page 17, Panel 4: Harbinger? That’s a weird cameo. (Also, screw you Wikipedia, I wanted to find that out on my own.)
Page 18, Panel 1: And Batman is suddenly all suited up and apparently somewhere else entirely.
Page 18, Panel 5: I’ll have to thank Ollie for teaching me how to beat him. I’m sure he’s happy knowing I have the power to destroy him at any time.
Page 19, Panel 1: Maybe if a character hasn’t been around for a while, don’t have her showing off a confusing power like existing at eight places at once.
Page 20, Panel 5: Yeah okay Artemis. You just go ahead and kill Batman, an ally to one of your dearest friends. That’ll surely go over well.
Page 22, Panel 1: Yeah. Come on. Wonder Woman. Known this for six pages now. Also, why can I see Kara’s thong?
Verdict: Well. It's pretty. I'm quite amazed how good it looks, although I could do with a little less vamping by the female characters. It did make it super obvious what the rest of the book is about though; Supergirl is forced into training with the Amazons, then gets kidnapped by Darkseid, considers joining, but eventually is saved. So I guess we wait for that all to play out, I suppose.
Oh also there's no reason at all for Batman to be here. Besides his name being in the damn title, I guess.
*Superman/Batman and all associated characters are property of DC Comics.
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