Chaos;Head - Episode 2: “Ego”

I always forget what part the ego plays in everything. I mean, the id is the party dude, and the superego is your discerning grandma, but the ego is, what, the dude who suggested that maybe you should go to class today? Eh, whatever, I’m already on record this week that Freud is stupid.

LAST TIME: A creeper who lives in a storage container witnesses a murder (maybe) and then meets a nerd girl (probably) and then finds out the murderer is in his class (I guess). From all the clues we are getting that our main character is completely fucking insane, I’m not sure how important I should take any given plot point. Also, you have to intentionally turn on the English dub!

Chaos;Head - Episode 1: "Boot Up"

That’s not how a semicolon works, Japan. I’d consider this a momentary lapse if there wasn’t ANOTHER show called “Robotics;Notes.” You guys really have no idea what you are doing.

NETFLIX SYNOPSIS:  After being told about a string of killings in his area, high school student Takumi stumbles on a murder scene. Convinced the police are after him, Takumi spirals into paranoid delusions that blur the lines between reality and fiction.

Who told him about these murders? Would he have not stumbled onto the scene if he wasn’t told? Also, that’s not him in the cover art, is it? If you are only going to show up the ladies, why are these series never about the ladies?

Moeyo Ken - Episode 8: "Dyed in the Color of a Girl"

So………pink?

LAST TIME: After several unsuccessful attempts to hook up what’s-his-face with who-cares, they turn to a literal god to do it, which ends in kind of an awesome kaiju fight. And now we move on! Right? Moving on?

Moeyo Ken - Episode 7: "The Direction of Love is Left to the Gods"

Oh good, so we are giving up on the bullshit “get the main character to fall in love with the waitress” plot. Hopefully. I mean, it has only KILLED THEM once. I can’t see how this ridiculous plan can backfire any harder.

LAST TIME: One of the heroine’s mother is a fox spirit and also is a huge con artist, as she tries to steal some artifacts for some reason, but another fox spirits goes nuts and kidnaps and everyone, and in the end, nothing changes and we get on with our lives.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 6: "Feelings Shining in the Glow of Sunset"

The mildly sexual phrases will continue until morale improves!

LAST TIME: Our main character is once again manipulated into trying to fall in love with some lady, and he goddamn dies! But luckily he knows a monster who can resurrect him, so…good on that. Also, there is a robot.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 5: "Make My Heart Race"

Can this show stop coming on to me? It’s just getting creepy at this point. Listen, anime, I’m just not that into you. I’m sorry!

LAST TIME: Our main idiot becomes a sponsor to a prostitute by suggesting she do the can-can instead of her crappy stand-up routine. Also a bunch of nonsense and maybe the prostitute murdered a bunch of people? It got way too wacky for me to really track what was actually going on.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 3: "For Sport and Play I Think We Were Born"

Yeah…sure…um…so, either give me like, three hits of what you got or I’m gonna bounce. No no, I’m sure you’re right, but…

LAST TIME: Everyone goes to a hot spring, and someone this ends up with everyone traveling to the center of the Earth and seeing dinosaurs? Listen, I don’t really know what’s going on. I’m kinda out of my depth when it is supposed to be funny. “Supposed to.”

Moeyo Ken - Episode 3: "Let Your Skin Glow in the Steam"

Can I…not? Is there a non-glowing option? Is that extra? I’ll pay extra. Listen, I really don’t want anyone to know I’m here, okay?

LAST TIME: The main character wants to go back to China, so everyone freaks out and decided to brew a love potion to force him to stay, because asking him was out of the question. Anyway, the love potion accidently hits an octopus, who goes on a rampage, and is stopped, and whatever.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 2: "Touch a Maiden's Hair"

Well, this got gross fast.

LAST TIME: Some dude goes home to Kyoto to hang out with a bunch of crazy ladies and a giant turtle monster attacks. Also, a whole bunch of names ending with vowels are said, in a way that makes me think we were supposed to be paying attention!

Moeyo Ken: Episode 1 - "Welcome Home"

Netflix Synopsis: Set in an alternate version of the Meiji era, this wacky anime series follows Yuuko Kondou, Toshie Hijikata and Kaoru Okita, daughters of former members of the legendary samurai Shinsengumi team. Following in their fathers' footsteps, the three young women work to protect Japan from evil forces. But modern-day problems -- including a chronic lack of funds -- and surreal adversaries make the job much tougher than it was for their fathers.

So, let’s move onto something with a bit less leering, a bit more swordplay. Also, rollercoasters, apparently. I’m cool with that, roller coasters are neat enough. Wish I knew what on earth the Meiji era was, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to both to look it up.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 26: "Cross and Family and a Vampire"

Wait, you mean they might revisit those two other vampire sisters that they mentioned for like five seconds and completely forgot about in episode 15? There will be actual plot, instead of just endless panty shots. I really hope so.

LAST TIME: The vampire sacrifices herself really quickly at the start of the episode, then we spend 20 minutes dicking around. Then the main character decides to do something, finally, and now the show is almost over. Hurray!

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 25: "Holy Seal and a Vampire"

Ah, Saint Hoover, may he rest in peace. Wait, that’s probably not what they are talking about.

LAST TIME: There was this wacky mirror that forces everyone to convert to their monster side, except the girls, of course, it just made them super horny. Then there were two vampires for a while, and then there weren’t, and suddenly the Great Barrier went down for some reason. I’m sure you are all on pins and needles to find out what that means!

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 23: "Pretty Boy and a Vampire"

Oh good, we didn’t have enough anime stereotypes at this point. Anything to take the focus off the shitty love hexagon. Everyone fall in love with the grey-haired man-child.

LAST TIME: Everyone goes on a skiing vacation, everyone is obnoxious, and our main character tries to figure out why the younger sister vampire doesn’t like him. Maybe it’s because he has no personality? Naw, can’t be that.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 22: "Skiing and a Vampire"

Another vacation? They just had one! I worry for the monster education system; there are going to be a lot of monsters left behind.

LAST TIME: A lot of “cute” little stories, most of them panty related. Some spotlights on little exposed characters, which is fine until you are reminded that those characters suck. Oh also, apparently there is this huge magic battery that is keeping the school safe that is almost guaranteed to fail by the end of the series.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 21: "Youth and a Vampire"

You keep this show away from children. This show would mess a child up.

LAST TIME: Our main character tries to get away from the constant harauging and just see his family, but nope, can’t even do that. All the girls show up anyway and give his mom a heart attack. Eventually they all fight, and nothing gets resolved.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 20: "Bathroom and a Vampire"

I…I really could not care. This seems gross and I don’t want to watch, but as long as a toilet doesn’t come to life, I’ll be happy.

LAST TIME: The team goes to Kyoto, and everyone is obnoxious and needy. They fight a gang of idiots, and somehow the vampire becomes their leader? I’m going to assume that plot point will never be mentioned again.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 19: "School Trip and a Vampire"

Oh good, another case of them trying to pretend to act human and having no idea how. Fish out of water stories always not completely boring as hell and forced.

LAST TIME: Curry zombies. Still not over how completely ridiculous and awesome that was. Oh, if only every episode was curry zombies.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 18: "Curry and a Vampire"

So…a curry monster then. Sure. Let’s have a curry monster.

LAST TIME: The young witch has body issues, which some ill-defined monster uses to trick the witch to age up five years so she has a rack. We stare at that for a while, and then everything just changes back! Not supersure why. I guess her friends saved her from the monster? I don’t know.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 17: "Body Measurements and a Vampire"

…you guys seriously with this? No really, in what possible way can this organically be presented in an ordinary high school setting. This is the panderingist thing I’ve seen.

LAST TIME: It’s Parents Day, and the mothers of the two most interesting characters are apparently feuding for a dumb reason. It managed to devolve into dumb combat, and it didn’t really resolve itself, and we can probably just forget this one.

Rosario + Vampire - Episode 16: "Mother and Child and a Vampire"

You know, each of the titles pointlessly pairs a random noun with a vampire, but this one makes the least sense, and incidentally is also the most terrifying. Something awful is going to happen to that mother and child, I don’t want to stay for this.

LAST TIME: Sister Assassin continues her harassment for 15 pointless minutes, only to eventually get over it when bitchy white-haired vampire shows up, and they hug it out. They also unintentionally raise the metaphysical issue of where exactly pink-haired vampire comes from, since she only exists when she’s wearing the rosary, and the bitchy version is apparently her default. But unless they print the answer on some panties, I doubt we’ll ever figure it out.