Infinity Inc. - Issue 1: Luthor’s Monsters, Part 1

I really liked 52, the DC megaseries in 2006 that explained what happened in the year that followed the Infinite Crisis when Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman just took a break for some reason. Mainly because it launched my favorite character into the role of the Most Important Person in the Multiverse, but also because pretty much every plot thread was solid and interesting and it managed to resolve all of them in a great way, while given a lot of attention to a bunch of characters who nobody ever talks about, like the Metal Men and Ralph Dibny (RIP).

In fact, the only plot that I only cared about because Steel was tangentially involved was….this one. Lex Luthor gave a bunch of assholes superpowers and apparently bought the rights to a superhero team name (?) and then a bunch of bullshit happened that eventually ended with Steel just committing breaking and entering to stop Lex Luthor’s plans, whatever those were. Whatever, at least Steel looked good. Let’s find out what happened in this miniseries.

Page 1, Panel 1: Also, maybe he didn’t like the program because it put his niece in constant mortal danger.

Page 1, Panel 6: WAIT WHAT? So this doesn’t happen during 52? And you just admitted it’s about several unsuper-powered teenagers? Why are we here?

Page 2, Panel 2: Well, that person is terrifying. I’m scared.

Page 3, Panel 5: It really feels like half the comics I read involve women almost being hit by cars.

Page 3, Panel 6: Oh, okay, yeah, the number 3. This makes sense.

Page 4, Panel 3: And then BOOM! Dozens of umbrellas!

Page 4, Panel 5: Oh, it was a stupid dream.

Page 5, Panel 2: Um, wait, that’s not how that’s abbreviated. P.S.Y.D.? Isn’t it usually Psy. D?

Page 5, Panel 3: She probably told her that she wants to sleep with her uncle.

Page 6, Panel 2: That was like a year and a half ago! The comic reading public has already forgotten about it.

Page 7, Panel 1: I’d imagine…just enough for a population of a couple of million people. Psychiatrist is a pretty common profession.

Page 8, Panel 1: Okay, I’m interested. What’s an existential psychiatrist? Please explain this in a way I’ll understand. Also, a fucking goth joke?

Page 8, Panel 5: Wow this guy is the worst. He even painted his fingernails black because of course he would. Cry me a river buddy.

Page 9, Panel 3: What’s wrong with his face? And hasn’t he known this guy for like five minutes?

Page 9, Panel 4: Oh never mind, this guy is a villain with bad superpowers, it makes sense now. Also, nice mesh shirt, weirdo.

Page 10, Panel 3: In related news, they decided this secretary character who says dumb things should have all the boobs.

Page 11, Panel 3: The journalist lady claimed she was from the classic ‘90s movie “L.A. Confidential?” Which character did she claim to be? Kim Basinger’s character?

Page 12, Panel 2: You got a stutter there, chief?

Page 12, Panel 6: So, literally every character so far has been seeing a therapist. Call me skeptical, but a bunch of teenagers going to therapy does not really make a compelling superhero story.

Page 13, Panel 2: “Do you ever think about women’s clothing, Mr. Steel?” Perfectly normal question to ask a random stranger who visited you to make sure you aren’t going insane.

Page 14, Panel 2: Fourth character, fourth therapist. Compelling story.

Page 15, Panel 3: This character spends six hours a day just…staring at himself in the mirror.

Page 15, Panel 5: Oh, he actually smashed his mirrors. He just stares at…himself. Why is this guy an outpatient?

Page 16, Panel 1: THERE ARE TWO OF HIM!

Page 17, Panel 3: By the way, goth mesh-shirt guy is being creepy and standing over a corpse.

Page 18, Panel 2: So…so yes, he is fucking high.

Page 19, Panel 1: Oh by the way, everyone is dead.

Page 19, Panel 4: Yeah…yeah when I see a weirdo in an umbrella, I immediately assume my dreams are coming to life.

Page 20, Panel 2: In case you forgot that Steel is a token liberal superhero (I mean, besides the fact that he is named after the folkloric hero of the labor movement), here is his dialogue from this panel verbatim: “What a day. I blame these sudden flash rainstorms on global warming.” He says this to NO ONE as he walks in a door.

Page 20, Panel 4: What the? How did my niece teleport behind me?

Page 21, Panel 5: John Henry Irons will NOT be ignored.

Page 22, Panel 2: Why yes, when someone is being a jerk to me, I immediately assume that it is a rare psychological condition called a negative hallucination, which I have never heard of.

Page 23, Panel 4: Oh! And I guess she turned into mist! WELP!

Verdict: That was weird! It also threw around a bunch of psychology terms for some reason. I get it, Peter Milligan, you did some research. And I also don’t understand how artificial superpowers can cause any of the things that are happening. It probably involves the Demon. Oh that Demon.\