Superman/Batman #8 - Supergirl: "Alone"

I was finding it hard to review comic books, because most of the time the book I chose was pretty much random, just some issue I happened to have picked up that week that I thought would be funny to read. It just felt disjointed and I had to readjust my mindset each time. Then I realized I was doing it all wrong. For all my other sections, I focused on a single show, or a single very specific genre. So obviously, I should start reading whole story arcs at once, or miniseries. Sure, it makes the book I’m doing a bit more inaccessible, but hey, I’ll be pulling all the stories from trades, right?

So to start, I’m going to visit both a series and a character I find myself liking despite myself. I like the newest Supergirl, naïve and lonely, but determined. And even though I dislike Superman and Batman on their own, in their team-up series their Odd Couple dynamic just works for me. So why not look at Supergirl’s reintroduction to the DCU in an early arc in the series, that somehow brought Supergirl into continuity despite the book being outside continuity (I don‘t get it either)? I mean, surely it‘s good, it’s written by…oh dear, Jeph Loeb. Well, maybe it’ll be pretty?

Trade Introduction: Loeb waxes for three pages about how boring writing comic books must be. So many people telling you what you can and cannot do! So much to worry about! So much trying not to acknowledge that sexy ladies exist in comics for one reason only!

Page 1, Panel 1: And we’ve already started with the dual voiceover boxes, a cute feature. Although this time both characters are getting their emo on, as apparently Superman is in timeout or something.

Page 1, Panel 2: These two dialogue boxes are confusing. Although Batman doesn’t seem to give a damn about Superman’s identity, as he calls him Clark over an open channel.

Page 2, Panel 1: Oh, Superman is on monitor duty! Haha, JLA monitor duty, when you want to write a certain hero out of the story. Why don’t they just have interns watch the monitors?

Page 4, Panel 1: Why does everyone make fun of Krypto? I like Krypto.

Page 4, Panel 3: “I can’t be bothered to pick up this rock, so I’ll use my Batbarb shooter.” (What is he doing?)

Page 5, Panel 1: The absence of barnacles lead me to one conclusion…it’s been here less than a week.

Page 6, Panel 5: Sideboob! Take a drink.

Page 6, Panel 6: What? That line came out of nowhere. Why did Batman ask Superman that question apropos to nothing?

Page 7, Panel 1: Oh! It was a threat to tell his wife that Superman is…goofing…around?

Page 8, Panel 3: I asked Superman to teach me the Kryptonian alphabet, because hey, why not dabble in an alien language of a planet that was destroyed over 30 years?

Page 9, Panel 1: Man, this guy is beat down. His first reaction to a naked lady is to assume she’s lost and turn his back. Not offer to help, just sullenly respect her modesty.

Page 9, Panel 3: Are Swedish stewardesses known for wandering around the warehouse district naked?

Page 10, Panel 3: Whenever someone is speaking in a goofy made-up language, I like to pretend that they are complaining about stuff. Like the poor service at the restaurant they are blowing up.

Page 11, Panel 4: Supergirl has no idea how to wear a coat. Over the shoulder, lady.

Page 12, Panel 1: Stop getting hit by cars, people visiting from another time or place! I’m sure you can understand basic trajectories and big noisy boxes!

Page 12, Panel 3: That stoplight made a noise! Do stoplights make noise?

Page 14, Panel 3: Lady has got some crazy eyes.

Page 15, Panel 3: My god, can this woman do anything but destroy? I mean, I know she suddenly has superpowers, but she should at least try not to run into things, right?

Page 16, Panel 2: Oh boy, I love when people complain about people not getting a character in the story itself. So pettily self-aware. Also, everyone knows that Superman is a hero. That’s not contrary to the complain you brought up.

Page 18, Panel 4: If you understood what she said, you would feel better about poisoning her with kryptonite?

Page 19, Panel 3: Did you take her jacket off to put her on your creepy exam table, Batman?

Page 20, Panel 4: Batman is sick of this flying bullshit.

Page 21, Panel 5: Great. An entire fucking page of a conversation that we don’t understand. I mean, okay, we know what’s being said, but it’s also not worth wasting an entire page.

Alternate Page 21: Oh hey, the trade has a translated page in the back! Let’s take a look! Eh heh. Eh heh. Yep, exactly what I thought.

Page 22, Panel 1: Now she has two pieces of cloth to drab around her body! Also, thanks for putting Superman’s package in the exact center of the page.

Verdict: That sure was an entire issue setting up the fact that Kara Zor-El is back. There were no interesting moments, only the usual over-the-top “alien wrecks shit” story. Which is fine in the first five minutes of a movie or TV episode, but as the only issue you get that month? Even Batman can’t save this. Plus, everyone says dumb things.

*Superman/Batman and all associated characters are property of DC Comics.