LAST TIME: Our heroes continue to kill brown people, and it’s okay because the bad guys are evil, you guys. Also a lot of revenge murder. It was kinda too much.
Page 1, Panel 1: Very poor, headline writer. You had plenty of space to fill in “Middle East.”
Page 1, Panel 2: Where are they? Didn’t we establish their headquarters in Issue 2? This place looks nothing like that one.
Page 1, Panel 3: I continue to hate this guy completely. When does he die?
Page 2, Panel 1: Oh no his newspaper exploded into birds!
Page 3, Panel 2: Hang on, the rest of the Marvel universe are actually fictional in this universe? That is confusing.
Page 3, Panel 4: Yah, swimming with dolphins!
Page 4, Panel 1: Oh serious, this is where the tiny guy has been the entire time? In counseling because of your stupid stupid joke from Issue 3? Maybe just not write in an Atom analogue if you had absolutely no plans for him.
Page 5, Panel 2: You know, as you think would happen if a soldier was present at SEVERAL “friendly fire” incidents.
Page 5, Panel 6: Oh, I guess meeting adjourned then.
Page 6, Panel 3: Yeah, I remember this, it was horrible. Thanks for the reminder.
Page 7, Panel 1: Wait, did they record all of their conversations? Even the conversations where they talk about taking over the world? And the part where he shot innocent soldiers in the face? Why is this prick not in jail?
Page 7, Panel 5: Biggest Prick on the Planet.
Page 8, Panel 1: Guy, you are talking a guy who takes literally no shit. Don’t go throwing around terms like “enemies of freedom” around him. He will not put with it.
Page 8, Panel 5: That’s great, guys. Give this douchebag even more power, that’s what we need.
Page 8, Panel 6: Don’t wait! Kill him now!
Page 10, Panel 1: How did he finagle a partnership with both Nike and Adidas? Aren’t they direct competitors?
Page 10, Panel 4: You know, just the most frequently-scapegoated companies with a perceived right-wing slant that don’t normally even do advertising. Of course they want to sponsor you.
Page 11, Panel 3: It was a remarkably stupid idea, so he was arrested for even trying it. Sex-for-drugs ring? How does anyone make a profit with that? But hey, cuts out the middleman I guess.
Page 11, Panel 4: Oh nevermind, it’s just a prostitution ring. They gave it a dumb name for emphasis, apparently.
Page 11, Panel 5: You see, he’s dressed like a stereotypical pimp here because we weren’t paying any attention earlier when they clearly stated that he runs a prostitution ring. Also because racism.
Page 13, Panel 5: Judo chop!
Page 14, Panel 4: Not to stomp on your speech, but you have glowing yellow eyes! Men don’t usually have glowing eyes! I would file you closer to cockroach.
Page 15, Panel 4: Yeah, just go ahead and throw that anywhere, chief. Nothing highly explosive in a heroin den.
Page 16, Panel 3: Man, I sure hope nobody who wasn’t a prostitute or a criminal lived there…
Page 17, Panel 4: Okay, this is the mildest of all nitpicks, but Whizzer is from Atlanta, right? Wouldn’t he call it a coke?
Page 18, Panel 2: They have? Well damn, there’s the solution to your vigilante problem right there.
Page 18, Panel 3: I’m just going to pretend all of his lines are read in that doofy Bale Batman voice.
Page 19, Panel 2: Hang on, he really thinks that Batman here can just take over the super team by showing up? Nobody would trust him! The government wouldn’t let him! This is a dumb plan.
Page 19, Panel 3: And sometimes he has these sweet eye lasers!
Page 20, Panel 2: Because it took so much effort, Whizzer? You can run anywhere in seconds!
Page 21, Panel 1: Who the heck is this guy standing next to Hyperion? He is wearing a really frumpy shirt.
Page 21, Panel 5: Oh man, you’re going to break your hand that way. Clutching a pen in your fist…poor form.
Page 22, Panel 1: It’s this guy again! That guy in the background is really freaked out about it!
Verdict: Well, this one wasn’t disgustingly offensive, I guess. The pimp was a little much, but otherwise, I can stomach one more dumb issue of this malarkey.
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