LAST TIME: The team is sent to go kill a single person who the government knows has mind control powers. The entire team, even the tiny guy and the lady with fate changing powers. It is stupidest strategic decision ever, and I’m beginning to think they just said, “Eh, this America team plan is goddamn stupid, let’s sabotage it immediately.” That’s the only explanation for such a boneheaded stupid move.
Page 1: Uh-oh, our teammates are flying towards us! I’m worried for no reason.
Page 2, Panel 3: Wait, Hyperion and Power Princess make out? Oh, this really is DC fan fiction.
Page 4, Panel 3: The nice lady? The one woman who has not said a single kind word yet? The big guy really is a complete idiot.
Page 5, Panel 3: Oh of course, this woman is a standoffish lesbian because she’s terrified of men because she was raped once. Not the most demeaning, obvious secret past at all.
Page 6, Panel 4: Yeah, sure, whatever you say crazy.
Page 6, Panel 6: Suddenly, Flash analogue is standing in the woods talking to himself for no reason. He has superspeed, that’s reasonable.
Page 7, Panel 4: Great plan! Counteract the mind control with more mind control! Fire with fire. Why would he need any say in what he does, huh?
Page 8, Panel 3: Ah, they are finally seeing eyelasers to eyelasers.
Page 9, Panel 1: Oh, the big idiot has putty skin, and his name is Shape. That might have been nice to establish ever.
Page 9, Panel 2: Ah, the reality-changing lady is intentionally being useless.
Page 9, Panel 5: She made a noise! I didn’t think she had vocal cords.
Page 10, Panel 1: Have a little pepper to the face! It is really irritating!
Page 10, Panel 4: You just…thought to have this special “instantly kill the fish lady and only the fish lady” powder lying around?
Page 11, Panel 6: How dare you try to help her, you monster!
Page 13, Panel 2: She’s okay, everyone. And has apparently developed fins somehow. (I checked, she apparently has these whenever she’s full emersed in water. No idea HOW or where they are when she’s on land, but whatever.)
Page 14, Panel 2: The smart guy is a racist sociopath.
Page 14, Panel 5: In other news, Flash can apparently summon ghosts now! But only black ghosts. (Because he’s black, you see.)
Page 16, Panel 1: It is totally okay to kill dozens of people if the U.N. says it’s okay! (Sadly terribly true.)
Page 16, Panel 3: Oh no America helped to put the bad guy in power! (Also terribly true.)
Page 17, Panel 1: Ah now…we’re kinda going into conspiracy theory territory. While America has an ugly history (in fact, we’re still doing it) of deciding who should be allowed to rule certain countries, I don’t believe for a second that we are intentionally trying to keep Africa in its current ugly state because we’re afraid of them being successful. I also believe that the only reason IT work is going to India is because of decisions made by greedy Americans who want to buffer their profit margins and provides more benefits to those select few than it does to India as a whole. So this sounds like bullshit. I apologize for getting so political, and also fuck you, Straczynski.
Page 17, Panel 3: They were just…you know, waiting to take down a power-mad dictator. No need to rush.
Page 18, Panel 1: Oh yeah times three!
Page 19, Panel 3: Oh, are you still here? Yeah…so….um.
Page 20, Panel 3: You see, talking to those guys totally made me think of some other complete different guy for so reason.
Page 20, Panel 6: BECAUSE HE’S BLACK, YOU SEE! (Good, can we please have a black character that doesn’t make that fact his entire identity? This is lazy, lazy writing that’s trying to be profound.)
Page 21, Panel 4: A question everyone is interested in. Where is the little guy? And why the hell is he on the team in the first place?
Page 21, Panel 5: Oh, they put him in somebody’s butt. Such a vital member of the team.
Page 22, Panel 7: Man, I really wish they would give us something else to think about Doctor Rainbow and Fishlady besides, “they care about each other.” We…kinda get it.
Verdict: I continue to hate this damn comic. The notes they keep hitting are the most obvious, lamest, uninspiring notes, and they are handled with the subtle of a buzzsaw.
No comments:
Post a Comment