LAST TIME: A lot of punching and a lot of crappy speeches. We learn some dumb history about our team, and someone ends up in someone else’s butt. It was an unpleasant time all around.
Page 1, Panel 1: AH DAMMIT, this one is about Iran. Yeah, this will surely be sensitive and not jingoist at all.
Page 1, Panel 3: Trenches? Really? Didn’t trenches go out of style after planes became incredibly dependable?
Page 2, Panel 1: Why the hell are guys walking? Half of you can fly.
Page 3, Panel 1: See? You can totally fly.
Page 3, Panel 5: Oh good, quantum lady did something and it totally didn’t make sense. In what reality would they plausibly launch roses at you from a bazooka?
Page 4, Panel 4: Woo! I love when they do the “swing dudes by the ankles to hit other dudes” thing! That’s how you know they are bad people! Wait, this is one of the good guys? Well, shit.
Page 5, Panel 3: Just say vomiting. Being cutesy with it doesn’t make it any less disgusting.
Page 6, Panel 2: Yeah, great trick Doc, you made them all fall over. Great plan.
Page 6, Panel 5: And now this psychopath is just shooting downed soldiers, probably because he’s a psychopath.
Page 7, Panel 5: Then turned on the people he was working for when they pointed out that maybe what he’s doing is completely unethical. Again, WHY the hell did we form this superhero team?
Page 8, Panel 5: DON’T DO IT! Nobody wants to show you a hobby in a war zone! There’s not nearly enough free time to take up carving!
Page 9, Panel 2: Yo comic book I am reading, maybe don’t condescendingly show the stupid guy reading a comic book.
Page 9, Panel 5: That’s it, I’m revoking your Hitchhiker privileges.
Page 10, Panel 3: How about, hypothetically, we take over the world? Just throwing that out there as a thought experiment.
Page 11, Panel 1: What do you think, lady? You in? You can have Japan if you want.
Page 11, Panel 6: Oh, just talking to the moon like a crazy person. Hoping to convince it to not fall out of the sky, even though it seems to be on a collision course, it is huge right now.
Page 12, Panel 2: Stanley, Stan, Stan the Man, Stanmotep, Stanmageddon, Frankenstan, Stan of the Mohicans, City Slickers II: The Legend of Stan’s Gold, everything is just fine!
Page 12, Panel 3: Does Straczynski think talking to the moon is a lesbian thing?
Page 12, Panel 5: That’s because that’s an insane thing to say. “Crack of Sparrow Fart?”
Page 14, Panel 1: Flashback time! Who wants to see a horrible rape? Show of hands?
Page 14, Panel 5: Why was the school handling vaccinations? That seems like a bit of an overreach, and definitely something that require a parental signature.
Page 15, Panel 1: No, like it is literally impossible to penetrate her skin, you dolt.
Page 15, Panel 6: I won’t have my daughter showing any sign of personal strength! I demand that she be protected by a man at all times!
Page 16, Panel 2: Hurray domestic abuse! What a fun superheroes book this is you guys!
Page 16, Panel 6: Ah! She suddenly aged into a 40-year-old man! Who should be embarrassed about his choice of hairstyle!
Page 17, Panel 3: Riding my skateboard, got me a soulpatch, everything is great today!
Page 18, Panel 6: Ug, so the reason she never fought back is because she was afraid that her dad would beat her mom if she did? That is even grosser.
Page 19, Panel 4: SOMEONE PUNCH THIS ASSHOLE IN THE FACE! YOUR DAUGHTER WAS JUST RAPED, YOU CRETIN!
Page 20, Panel 4: Sure wish I could tell whose talking or who this is exactly. You can’t keep skipping around in time when all these people have the same face.
Page 21, Panel 1: Not only is the guy the worst person ever, he’s a hypocrite too! Sleeping with his students, tsk tsk.
Page 21, Panel 2: Oh okay, this is the mom. Gotcha.
Page 21, Panel 6: Now how the hell did that happen? How did the car go sideways off the cliff?
Page 22, Panel 4: Don’t follow up the words “It’s an accident” by stating the motive of why you would want to kill someone, asshole.
Page 23, Panel 3: She what? Who now? What’s going on? Why did she burn that house down?
Verdict: Jesus Christ that was depressing. I am having a hard time believing that anyone can be that horrible. I mean, I guess someone must be, but hell man, your daughter was in the hospital!
No comments:
Post a Comment