Rosario + Vampire - Episode 6: "Newspaper Club and a Vampire"

As a person who proudly spent seven years in the newspaper club through high school and college, I will say that it is the dorkiest club there is. At least Glee Club is willing to go out in public, at least Yearbook Club only has one nerdy thing to produce a year, at least Stamp Collecting Club is economically viable. Let’s see how dumb and self-absorbed the monster version of Newspaper Club is.

LAST TIME: For some dumb reason, instead of joining mummy club, MUMMY CLUB, the main character joins swimming club, which is naturally controlled by life essence draining mermaids, why not? Too bad vampires are allergic to water or something, but everything works out (after a completely nonsense musical scene) and the team joins a different club instead. One with less bikinis, but really, it’s kind of a blessing.

0:34 Lady! What are you doing? Weren’t you paying any attention last episode? Swimming Club is evil as shit.

1:04 Oh no! A monster came upon me in the night while I was….attending…Monster High School. Seriously, whose bright idea was this?

1:55 As opposed to a two-dimensional door, opening theme? God, that’s nearly as bad as Train’s “untrimmed chest.” Words to take up space.

2:48 Well, at least she has started asking beforehand.

3:06 That’s…not how anemia works. It’s lack of iron, not lack of blood.

3:46 The main character has been suffocated to death from breasts. It was bound to happen.

4:39 Oh hey, it’s Itsuki. (Literally the exact same character as from Haruhi Suzumiya, I refuse to call him anything else.)

6:04 Itsuki is the Peeping Tom! Calling it now!

6:49 Are these girls really this dumb? He’s trying to peek up your skirts!

7:25 “I’d be better if my boobs weren’t in the way.”

7:59 Why are they mad at him? They are both madly in love with him! I don’t understand romantic dynamics at all!

8:59 Her alternate personality wants to know why she is peeking at her own underwear…with good reason.

9:26 Werewolf! Oh boy!

10:27 Was it seriously just walking by the window right then? What stupid, contrived luck.

11:12 Somebody in this room just farted.

11:57 Hey, you’re trying to prove you’re not a pervert, right? Well, go and peek in that window like a pervert! This will totally work.

12:38 Oh…bow bow. OH YEAH. Oh…bow bow. CHIKA CHIKA.

13:16 This guy gets into way too many fights near this kiln.

14:23 Suddenly, when it’s about something personal, they now immediately have journalistic integrity.

14:48 He’s still unconscious?! He got beat up HOURS ago.

15:37 I can help you forget with some serious loving. Let’s do it!

16:44 HAHAHA! They are wearing Sherlock Holmes costumes! It’s like they knew they would need to deduce some bullshit.

17:28 OBJECTION! (Points dramatically.)

18:35 Blah blah blah. Turn into a werewolf already.

18:49 He just…had those hidden in a secret compartment in his vest, huh? Why bother to keep your incriminating photos anywhere else?

19:16 I FUCKING KNOW, BAT! You are now insulting my intelligence.

19:44 Wait…all werewolves are S-Class monsters? Is it just based on how popular the monster is?

20:05 Hang on, no one even pulled off the rosary this time. The hell?

21:00 Come on, didn’t you read the White Wolf splatbook about us?

21:56 Yeah, I’m sure that line works on all the ladies. “Sleep with me or I’ll beat you to death.” Classy.

22:43 I’m sorry I installed that flashbang in my panties! (Why did he pass out exactly?)

23:59 Was that a zombie Nazi? How have I not seen that guy before?

Verdict: Boy yeah, that sure was a mystery for the ages, wasn’t it? Scooby Doo was less obvious about its villain. I do like how they treated us to a full minute of explanation of how Itsuki was obvious the Peeping Tom when we already watched him frame the main character. It’s like they were intentionally wasting our time.