LAST TIME: Our “heroes” go to the Gaslight universe, where everything is old-timey, and they participate in a little cosplay, and eventually one of them turns into a vampire, and they fix it somehow. It didn’t make a lot of sense, but the Blue Beetle showed up, and that’s all I care about.
Page 1, Panel 1: GAH! What’s wrong with your face, Donna? Why would you let Travel Foreman draw a comic that isn’t meant to be creepy, because he can only do supercreepy?
Page 1, Panel 2: Haha, Superman is the Soviet President, that is hilarious. Also, great Communist shaming, book! They’re always wrong, as we Americans say!
Page 2, Panel 6: Kyle Rayner, still whining about his ex-girlfriend.
Page 3, Panel 2: So…they just stick these dumb heart boxes on their heads to make them complacent? Why not just kill them?
Page 3, Panel 8: Go go this guy! You certain fooled no one important into thinking you were mind-controlled!
Page 4, Panel 2: Dr. Sivana! Oh boy, I love that guy.
Page 4, Panel 7: What could be confusing about Batman injected a guy with some weird green liquid in Russia? Seems normal to me.
Page 5, Panel 2: Yeah, I groan too whenever someone says, “We’ve got company.”
Page 6, Panel 6: Here comes Communist Superman! Who was on the moon, apparently.
Page 7, Panel 3: You see…I like Travel’s art, and this is a great image, but it does not fit AT ALL. She looks like a cartoon, and she shouldn’t.
Page 8, Panel 1: Wonder Woman! Who dresses…exactly the same. Hm.
Page 8, Panel 3: Ah, poor WW didn’t have any plans. She was just going to go home and catch up on Girls.
Page 8, Panel 4: What are the odds, it’s Ray Palmer, but not THE Ray Palmer. Imagine, running into this universe’s version of him in…this universe. (This is dumb.)
Page 9, Panel 2: I know Batman in a ushanka is hilarious, but it makes absolutely no sense in the context of the Red Son story. Why?
Page 9, Panel 5: Is there any city that Brainiac won’t put in a bottle? I’d like him to bottle like Kansas City, just to screw with everyone.
Page 10, Panel 1: Gah, I hate when it isn’t clear that I should be reading across two pages instead of down the page. Put in arrows or something.
Page 11, Panel 2: Um…Russian prostitutes?
Page 10, Panel 4: Please. Vodka martini. Also, of course he was buying vodka in Russia, stereotypes are fun.
Page 11, Panel 5: Or he can plant it on, say, a potato or something. A matchbook. Anything. No need for the suicide mission, Batman.
Page 12, Panel 4: Oh, those blasted nihilists. No choice but to mind-control them!
Page 12, Panel 6: Hey, Superman and Wonder Woman in love. Never heard that one before. And not bitter about how the most recent incarnation of this tired-ass concept seems to have erased my favorite superhero from the universe entirely for some reason. (Not bitter.)
Page 13, Panel 4: Ah, and it’s Superman’s birthday too!
Page 14, Panel 6: Batman is literally just saying random Russian-sounding words at this point.
Page 15, Panel 2: Light construct dinosaur with a big, ugly neck.
Page 15, Panel 5: WHAT? Since when? I thought they got rid of the stupid yellow weakness a while ago because it is dumb Silver-Age nonsense.
Page 16, Panel 2: Oh, okay, he actually isn’t weak to yellow. It was just a bright light and it spooked him. Still dumb.
Page 16, Panel 5: “Hey, what’s that Monitor we hang out with doing?” “Monitoring.”
Page 16, Panel 7: Just fly around the building, Superman. No need to go straight through it.
Page 17, Panel 3: Cool hovercrafts, bros!
Page 18, Panel 3: What? Why would she do that? How could she do that? And since when has breaking Wonder Woman’s rope been a weakness of hers? Wouldn’t that be an even dumber weakness than the color yellow?
Page 18, Panel 7: Some guy somewhere shouts Batman!
Page 19, Panel 4: Batman, you are supposed to hug him before you blow yourself up. (Also, didn’t this happen in the original mini-series, only without all these idiots here?)
Page 20, Panel 2: Cool! So they are all going to die! Fun.
Page 20, Panel 6: How is Ray Palmer calling Superman on the phone?
Page 21, Panel 2: And Superman…lets them all go? What? Why have them be captured in the first place?
Page 21, Panel 5: Who is this lady? Should I know her? Oh whatever, screw the Red Son universe.
Verdict: Okay, so, kinda cute that they injected our dumb heroes into the events of Red Son, even though they affected nothing, and the art was just not quite right. The ending especially was super pointless. Why did Ray Palmer blackmail Superman? What motivated him? Why does he care? Why should I care?
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