LAST TIME: Someone dies and it looks like a vampire crime, so the sheriff pesters the shit out of his vampire friend until it becomes obvious she died the regular way. Also, witch is up to some mischief, and succubus teenager is still being a goddamn teenager. And I guess blackmail, whatever.
0:30 Oh hey, surprise, someone in bed. This show starts the same every damn time.
1:22 Stop detecting, someone who makes a living detecting stuff.
2:11 Seriously? Still calling up the only vampire you know? How much sunscreen does this family go through a day?
3:05 I just realized that these two were both blackmailed. Can’t imagine why I forgot that.
4:20 Maybe stop making out with boys! That is literally the only thing you need to do.
5:34 Haha, the writer of this episode has the last name Wolfe. Guffaw guffaw guffaw.
6:50 Yeah, fuck women! (wait what I didn’t mean to say that what is wrong with me?)
7:10 Why aren’t you wearing a shirt? No seriously.
7:48 Also, greetings, whoever the hell you are.
8:17 Does this guy have a job? Why is he hanging out at the police station at midday?
9:26 I am watching things from a distance, dun dun dun.
10:34 So…all the clues seem to show that this bitchy lady is a werewolf. Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Why does this matter though?
11:37 Man, it is like trying to get all the factions from some dumb video game to get together. You can only faction with one group, lady!
12:40 Succubus drama continues to be unremarkable.
13:36 Werewolves has super-listening powers! Also, super-bitchy powers!
14:30 Hello? Anyone at this office building after 10 p.m.?
15:32 I find this believable! This was totally covered in a White Wolf splat book, I’m sure.
16:24 Saying out loud what I’m typing…in case the audience…is illiterate.
17:18 The tea is magic? The tea is magic!
17:53 Random black lady is not paying attention to the suspicious thing that is apparently happening.
18:59 Teenage drama is teenage dramatic.
19:19 SOMEONE IS HAVING SEX!
19:47 She…intentionally slept with a werewolf? The werewolf seriously choose the handle “Beastly Boy?” Fuck man, really?
20:29 Yeah sure grave robbing, this seems like a natural part of a police investigation.
21:06 I keep expecting this corpse to pop up and say a terrible pun.
22:00 “I smelled you.”
22:45 Yeah…what does he want? What’s his game? Why are we following this shitty plot point?
24:02 Oh dang, fat guy is going for it! Come on, emo-chick! I'm sure he's fun!
24:51 Nice pink tie, villain.
25:09 Wait, who the hell is that? That’s not his daughter or his wife. Why does he have a framed photo of a stranger?
25:51 And then, for no reason, dumped his body into the forest, so that we could find it. Come on, admit to your dumb shitty scheme!
26:51 Oh yeah, sure, I often get into an erotic bubble bath on my second date. It sure isn’t an insane development.
27:46 Also, agreeing to kill people for my new girlfriend. That’s a thing as well.
28:16 This guy is no longer enjoying this bath as Ernie would. No rubber ducky in sight!
29:04 UG this fucking guy. Don’t buy flowers for your not-girlfriend. Ever.
29:36 Wait what?! I thought that was purely a Buffy thing. The “vampires can’t enter a house without permission” exists in this universe?
31:03 You can tell he’s a police officer because he’s looking at photos and being all suspicious and shit.
31:55 It’s like getting drunk without any of the effects! I can’t imagine why I would not drink it…during the day…before I pick up my kids from school.
32:43 Grrr….come on, random bald guy, cooperate with the police!
33:06 Lady, if you are afraid of something jumping out at you, maybe don’t walk through the woods alone for no reason.
33:57 He is coming out as a werewolf gay to you! Acknowledge the sincerity of this moment.
35:00 PFFFFF. How did you get that fidelity of streaming real-time video on your Blackberry?
35:46 Who sprinkles lighter fluid on a person? What a dick move!
36:16 Um, I’ve still been shot in the heart. Maybe call an ambulance, jackass.
37:16 Goodbye, whoever I was talking to. Hello, whoever the hell you are!
38:28 Grr, I’m super sad about my girlfriend maybe.
38:54 Um…maybe the fact that vampires and werewolves are real and holy shit that is big fucking news! Why are you fighting this?
39:55 The witch, still up to something, apparently.
40:24 Ew, gross, eyeballs.
40:38 Gah, don’t cut your hand open, that is super gross. Maybe don’t feel the need to rub your blood all over everything.
Verdict: So, still a few questions. One, who was that bald guy? Two, what is police captain’s problem? And three, about how many hours are you going to bore us with the succubus girl’s bullshit? Seriously, everything she does is dumb, stop making her a plot point. And where the hell is female police lady? What’s in the box?!
No comments:
Post a Comment