The Gates - Episode 6: "Jurisdiction"

Oh sweet, maybe this episode will have a map showing exactly where The Gates is and its relationship to everywhere else. It’s…obviously it’s own town, it has police and everything, but also there’s a wall surrounding it, and I’m never ever sure when someone is in the town or not. It’s confusing.

LAST TIME: The sheriff is just kinda okay with knowing vampires exist, and everyone forgets about that murder that happened, except the owner of the time, who has tapes of everyone doing evil stuff. Oh, and succubus girl doesn’t want to take her medication for no reason.

0:30 How come the police never turn on the lights? Just turn on the lights.

1:09 Is she drunk? She sure is chilling like she’s drunk.

1:59 Everybody always interrupting my sexing.

2:35 Isn’t that the lady from two episodes ago? Why would she be murdered NOW?

3:08 Could you…not sniff the corpse? Please?

4:16 So…call up all your vampire buddies and take care of this, huh?

5:11 Did he just have a flashback to the pictures he was currently looking at?

5:47 Who is this guy? I don’t recognize him as one of the two police officers we’ve been introduced to.

6:50 Seriously, girl. The choice is take a few pills, or be compelled to kill someone. Take the fucking medicine.

8:59 I always love when people feel the need to tell the police to their job. “Come on, officer, I know you are busy, but how about finding that murderer, okay?”

10:02 Jesus, another event planning session? How much money does the goddamn school need?

10:55 Yeah, I’m wondering why you have an ocean in your backyard. Why is your water color so dark?

11:57 The Red Door? That’s a lame name for a club.

12:50 The hell does that mean? Haven’t they been on, like, two dates?

13:27 You called him!

14:09 Pettiness? Probably pettiness.

15:02 You’d think the police chief would have something better to do than just follow this guy around all day.

16:22 Should I know this guy? Is this what’s his name? The son?

17:29 Don’t ask the obvious question: Why were you looking at a suspect list for a murder case?

18:44 Just murder each other already…

19:36 A police search for “black sedan.” I am sure that will be fruitful.

20:06 Please ignore the fact that I am freaking the fuck out.

21:13 UG. She doesn’t want to take the medicine because she doesn’t want to feel dizzy. Come on girl, don’t be so greedy.

22:02 And you’re a terrible actor, little girl.

22:58 Oh dear they used some of the special effect budget!

23:43 Did she bite her tongue?

24:41 Blonde witch still has a very unspecific evil plan.

25:35 You would think I would have mentioned this before we actually went ahead with the event.

26:43 Poor lesbian vampire…crying blood. This is a full-on Anne Rice novel.

27:43 AHA! She was not murdered by a vampire, it was just a vampire being super lazy and not bothering to mention that she tried to turn the corpse.

28:56 Well, that was convenient. “Oh no, I went into the backroom and got kidnapped, I guess there’s nothing you can do.”

29:50 Man, it is so bothersome when it turns out the murder could have been done by a regular person.

31:30 Stop jerking this guy around! You are kinda awful, succubus.

31:44 Hey! That probably shouldn’t happen.

32:52 I mean seriously, haven’t you noticed that you pass out every time we’ve made out? You claim to be smart…but…

33:35 Does this guy have a job? He’s been at the pool both times we’ve seen him. I don’t think we’ve seen this fella with a shirt on.

34:27 That was a goofy accident. Also, this guy is a fucking idiot who didn’t call 9-1-1.

35:19 Maybe we can stop having fundraisers now! Please?

35:54 And…she went full bitch for no reason.

36:18 Why is everyone else mad at her? It was a poor temper tantrum, sure, but no need to be mean.

37:56 Cool story, bro.

38:16 Oh hey, lesbian vampire is okay. What do you know?

39:21 It’s weird that he didn’t hear the phone ring. In fact, it would have been easier just to have him answer the phone and have a conversation, instead of some voice mail.

40:23 BWAH! That’s creepy! Why is that a thing that is happening?

41:01 That’s a good point! “Hey, we have an opening for a police chief in our little town, oh, by the way, we have a coven of vampires here, hope that’s not weird.”

42:14 Is it the YouTube with the cat playing the piano? Because I‘ve already seen that one.

Verdict: Man, I wonder what the werewolves are up to. While it’s fun running circles around the same three plot lines without actually getting anywhere, I’d kinda like to see something else happen? It’s almost like they ran out of money and couldn’t pay certain actors to show up. Could explain why we suddenly have a different dumpy police guy this time around.