In some corners of the nerd community, this cover appears above the caption “My Two Dads.”
Page 1, Panel 4: Superheroes don’t look at explosions.
Page 2, Panel 1: Man, it is so dumb that Wolverine’s official name is Logan. Just Logan. No last name given.
Page 4, Panel 2: Luke Cage is mad at Spider-man for coopting his culture.
Page 4, Panel 3: They keep a static image of Doctor Doom on the big screen so they don’t forget who the bad guy is.
Page 5, Panel 3: Oh man, the Nuclear Club. They are very selective.
Page 6, Panel 3: Pretty sure Captain America isn’t this much of a dick.
Page 7, Panel 1: Another obnoxious character trait that the writer seems to think is a thing: Spider-Man talking like a 12-year-old kid.
Page 7, Panel 3: Oh no Wolverine called him Steven!
Page 7, Panel 4: And threatens to stab him? That isn’t right at all.
Page 8, Panel 2: What is with the poor resolution mirrors? They look all boxey.
Page 10, Panel 1: Good work Wolverine. Just slice all those guns up. You show those guns.
Page 11, Panel 3: A car just appeared behind the wall, scoped Spider-Man onto its hood, and then drove away through another wall. This is fun.
Page 13, Panel 1: Oh no! Some kind of bullshit purple shield thing!
Page 13, Panel 4: Seriously Cap, who peed in your Cheerios this morning?
Page 14, Panel 3: Oh, okay, there’s some sort of bullshitty aggression wave that is making everyone an asshole. Fine.
Page 15, Panel 1: Is it? That’s their usual strategy? Decepticons usually try to cause war at places they invade? Also, follow-up question: Who else could it possibly be, Transformers? You only have one enemy.
Page 15, Panel 3: They keep cutting to Silver Sable because that is the only Symkarian anyone knows, apparently.
Page 15, Panel 4: Oh…hey…Falcon. Um, what’s up? Came to rescue us, huh? Welp, that’s cool.
Page 16, Panel 3: By the way, I’m also a giant robot. But you can see that, obviously. I’m just telling you in case it wasn’t obvious.
Page 16, Panel 5: UG! Don’t reference Scooby-Doo in your dumb crossover, it will just remind people how ridiculously stupid crossovers are.
Page 17, Panel 1: So, how’d you guys get on the other side of the purple thing? Where exactly is the purple thing?
Page 17, Panel 5: Apparently the aggression ray makes Wolverine racist!
Page 18, Panel 4: Um…does…anyone else hear the cars that suddenly appeared behind us talk? Has my dementia finally set in?
Page 20, Panel 1: Apparently, the Autobots and their traits are so well known that they don’t bother to provide us with any additional information about them. “That’s Prowl, obviously. You know him, he’s been around forever.”
Page 22, Panel 2: no no no, the line is “Avengers Assemble.” Literally the only prerequisite. And you goddamn screw it up. Jeez.
Verdict: I’ve got a feeling I’m coming at this from the wrong side. Obviously, the comic wants to paint the Transformers in the better light by making the Avengers look like dickheads, and giving the robots all the two-page spreads. Of course, I could not give two shits about the Transformers, so I’m at a loss of how to feel about this. Kinda dumb? Yeah, a little dumb.
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