A few things right off the bat. First off, I keep assuming Jim Belushi, who apparently is the same guy as James Belushi, had died, because I keep confusing him for his brother, because I’m bad at being sensitive. Glad to see he’s alive, even though all he’s done in the past 10 years is According to Jim and these abhorrent voice acting jobs. Anyway, after that mild confusion, I realize how dumb the plot sounds with its implication that jeeps don’t have free will, and the fact that Carrot Top is apparently also in this. So yeah.
I also cannot get over that completely unnecessary 4x4 in the title. Would we have assumed that this movie was about a motorcycle if it wasn’t there? Or a hatchback? Because Jeep pretty much refers to only one thing. Definition really hasn’t changed enough in the past 60 years to require specification.
0:40 Animated Family Films. Yeah, we’re surprised this name hasn’t been taken yet either.
1:23 The year was 1941. We apparently were fighting in World War II by then, according to this narrative.
2:20 You guys couldn’t be bothered to actually animate any of this?
3:03 It’s been sixty years since his motor fan was replaced with a propeller? Shouldn’t he be a rusted piece of junk by now.
3:25 Also featuring Carrot Top. The doors have been locked from the outside.
4:14 This is the ugliest dog.
4:39 Wait a minute! That engine was on fire last time we saw it.
4:56 Oh god Bob is up there! Not Bob!
5:45 Yeah that’s right firefighters. Just start spraying the landing strip with water. That won’t make landing difficult and completely waste water.
6:40 They can hear the cars!? I fear a world where anthropomorphic cars and people coexist.
7:26 Oh what the fuck do you know. Spraying the entire runway with water made it extremely difficult to move the cars out of the way. If only you idiots didn’t create this problem you suddenly have.
8:58 And the plane lands safely, even though the humans did absolutely nothing.
10:10 Do de loop boopa dop dong!
10:32 The Chief was in the War? What war?
11:58 You assholes didn’t do anything! Why are you celebrating?
12:54 And what with the gas pumps…oh, now I understand. This is supposed to be the late forties. If only they had actually made that clear in the narrative.
13:29 THERE IS AN ACTUAL GLITCH IN THE FEED! Not a buffering glitch, an actual glitch in the capture.
14:52 These gas pumps are boring. I think they’re supposed to be funny old people, but I hate them.
15:18 AH! She sees me!
15:54 Oh I feel a song coming along.
16:05 Carrot Top couldn’t be bothered to sing, so he’s just going to talk straight through the song.
17:31 I wouldn’t mind this performance so much if Carrot Top would shut his fucking gob.
18:48 You are suddenly terrified of the dog that you were interacting with just fine ten minutes ago?
19:15 This gas tanker is voiced by every dumb guy ever.
19:52 I think that line was actually Carrot Top speaking with the mic on, it wasn’t in the actual script.
20:32 So the ladder truck lives in constant paranoia that she will curse all her friends if they drive in front of her? That’s gotta suck.
21:04 That’s mirrors that give years of bad luck. You’re thinking of mirrors.
22:04 I give it 40 seconds before this outhouse gets tipped over.
22:42 DANG! It just got ran into, not tipped over.
23:32 Oh, the dog died. Hurray!
24:03 Narrator: I suppose you guys want us to start the fucking story already.
25:17 Why is this jeep that’s seen wartime acting like a child?
25:40 What’s with this jerk? Why did he push that thing off the cliff? And why’s he so darn smug about it?
26:52 Why is this bulldozer’s mouth not its huge toothy grill? It looks creepy with what looks like his nose opening up and down.
28:50 That’s right kids. Change is awful. Fear it and hide.
30:40 Welcome to the dream sequence, in which we can’t be bothered to do any lipsyncing or shading.
31:39 AH! That was mildly phallic.
32:16 Is he suddenly in love with the other dude airplane?
32:25 Singing ducks! Singing lady duck chorus line!
33:00 Ducks don’t have teeth!
33:56 Oh good. The nightmare sequence, with that dog playing the part of the Red Baron.
35:26 That sure is one impressive thing that you, a jeep without any hands, managed to build and graft onto yourself.
36:20 I thought everyone was supposed to be asleep…what’s with the peanut gallery?
37:05 It is literally impossible for that Jeep with sentience and free will to be on my runway!
38:20 Why would that hurt? It’s not actually part of your body.
39:04 Oh…oh god. Holy crap. They just killed the Jeep.
39:23 Okay, he’s not dead. But he’s banged the shit up.
39:49 And to make matters worse, they just received a new shipment of airport equipment to replace him.
41:27 This animation company is really bad at water. They just can’t figure out how it works.
42:59 Don’t you dare give up, you impounded Jeep with no ability to move.
43:25 Yeah, might as well sing a damn song. It’s not like the Jeep can do anything else.
44:52 Here’s a picture of the Wright Brothers. They also existed.
46:38 And then five years pass, because this story wasn’t depressing enough.
47:49 I sure wish there was something in this hangar that I could get rid of. Maybe all these worthless bare tires.
48:33 Sure is an interesting airport you have, seeing as all the vehicles are able to move on their own and communicate with you. I should be having an existential quandary, now that I think about it.
49:58 I nearly forgot about this Jeep that I maimed and imprisoned.
50:50 Why, is this an airplane propeller that’s been repurposed as a fan? I wonder what that could mean?
51:10 Also, the propeller is way too big to actually fit on his engine.
51:57 What’s going on over there? Someone painted up an old Jeep? Well, let’s stand around it and clap.
53:16 Wait! This is not nearly the same thing. Riding in the back of an cargo plane is not the same as flying. This doesn’t even qualify as his dream.
54:25 Hey! Close the back! The Jeep is going to fall out.
54:38 NO HE DIDN’T REALIZE HIS DREAM! This doesn’t fucking count.
55:02 And also a whole lot less! You are cargo! There is nothing special about that.
56:03 Oh hey what is up registered symbol. No, I will not be retroactively adding you where appropriate.
56:28 This story was actually based on a short story about a tractor. I wonder if that had the same stupid copout.
Verdict: What kind of crap story is this? Keep believing in your dreams, because maybe one day, something that mildly resembles it but is not quite as interesting may happen to you. Also, don’t even bother with the believing crap, you can just give up and hope that some other people remember you had a dream, and it’ll come true without your direct intervention!
And am I supposed to believe that Tugger has never been in a cargo plane before? He was in the War! How did he get to Europe and back? This is not at all a happy ending and they know it!
*Tugger: The Jeep 4x4 Who Wanted to Fly is available on Netflix InstantWatch. Tugger: The Jeep 4x4 Who Wanted to Fly is property of Animated Family Films.
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