This episode names are just going to keep getting stupider before they get better, aren’t they?
LAST TIME: Everyone is trying to get to the bottom of what that weird blackout thing was, including the FBI team, who, through a series of stupid coincidences and leaps of logic, end up in Utah, where they run into one of the masterminds behind the plot, who proceeds to create a huge explosion. Meanwhile, the female main character worries about lady things, like preserving the integrity of her marriage, because why would men care about stuff like that? Also, Harold finds out, through another set of stupid coincidences, that he will be murdered in five months. Sure was convenient how everything went down so far, huh?
0:40 I’ve seen this before. Why would this not be part of the recap clip scene we just saw?
1:48 And now, some Germans.
2:55 Wow, this is a really crappy cartoon. I wonder if it’s on Netflix InstantWatch?
3:40 What’s up alcy! How does the family know this guy?
4:42 Father to father, your best option is some vigilante justice. Also, I’m Batman.
5:05 Hey! It’s Dmitri’s girlfriend! I hope she’s interesting.
5:45 That was a cute interlude. Some actual consideration for the world after the blackout.
6:29 This one box of intel will take us over 30 years to process!
6:57 Wait, what? The prisoner is a former Nazi? Shouldn’t he be over 90 years old by now? I mean, all the soldiers from World War II have died already.
7:15 Also, sekunden is German for seconds.
9:25 Why would you need to go to a hotel? Don’t you guys have homes?
9:50 Ew, soda water? Who drinks that without booze?
11:13 OH! They were married! Man, there has been some great writing in this past two minutes. Subtle, but reasonable, establishing relationships.
13:17 Yeah, I could kinda tell it was Germany because it was raining. It’s always raining in Germany.
14:12 I’ll raise your Holocaust with a Manifest Destiny, American pig!
15:30 Wait wait wait, this former Nazi once lived in America? Wouldn’t he have gone to Argentina like all his friends?
17:30 “There are no statute of limitations on evil.” That is an awesome if pretty stupid line.
18:00 Oh hey Gina Torres. What the hell are you doing here? Who are you?
18:46 Also, more lady visions showing more lady-like things. Can we get one main character woman who flashforwards to shooting guns or some shit?
19:32 The former Nazi once knew a lot of Jews.
20:02 And he just accused the female agent of being a lesbian.
20:21 “Have you heard of Kabbalah?” “Oh yeah, Madonna was really into it a few years ago.”
20:52 You needed to talk to a Nazi to find out this mystical bullshit?
22:00 Jerome Murphy, who doesn’t understand how to get his picture taken.
23:15 Hey, it’s me, you okay with accepting the astronomical roaming charges with me calling you in Germany?
23:50 Also, time zone indiscretions, take a drink.
25:01 “My head’s just not in the game today, boss.” “Well, that’s a-ok. Just go home, I guess. Oh no wait, get to work. You are in the FBI.”
25:40 And now, a fat asshole dancing naked.
26:59 HA HA Bong! Potheads are funny!
27:30 Bong possession is actually legal in California. They sell them in stores. He was not actually in danger until he opened his stupid mouth.
29:22 So is she a huge lesbian or not?! Don’t keep us hanging.
29:52 Here’s a random inspirational speech, soak it in, no matter how out of place it seems.
30:55 Maybe check out the fact that she was reading a case file about your murder. Probably a government official, possibly.
31:59 A murder of dead crows? You seriously doing all this pointless symbolism?
32:30 Please take this book of Birds of North America. Don’t ask why I have this, considering I live in fucking Germany, just take it.
34:13 Sex, sex is what we’re doing. We are going to sex.
34:35 Ew, don’t bring up your mom when you’re about to sex. Gross.
35:10 A bartender drinking on the job? You don’t say!
36:12 Wait, the bar with saloon doors has a generic cocktails neon sign? That seems incongruous.
36:40 What’s with Ghost Obi-Wan here at the funeral?
37:13 Is the FBI director now the Chief Officer of Dramatic Speeches or what?
37:52 And here’s a closeup of the black guy you probably don’t remember.
38:34 What, work right now? I’m pretty wasted at the moment…
39:04 A problem with subtle writing is that occasionally the audience does need some exposition and we have no idea who any of these people are. Is she a lawyer? Why was Dmitri on the witness stand?
40:57 All the crows died in Africa 18 years ago? What the hell does that mean? How did they localize the effect? Also, how did only one single German guy notice that a bunch of birds died during the blackout?
41:57 That’s a haunting visual. When exactly is this happening? Last week? Tomorrow?
42:20 WHAT IS THAT TOWER?! And why has this shepherd boy never noticed it before?
Verdict: Good job introducing a bunch of characters without properly establishing who they are. I know that you got an increase of budget after the pilot, but come on, tell us who they are first. Also, while they made a lot of extravagant leaps of judgment in the second episode, here they seem to be pretty slow to the uptake. It took a trip to Germany to figure out a bunch of birds massively died? Did you check to see if all animals also lost consciousness at that time? Because falling from the sky while unconscious would probably kill a bird. I doubt that this manufactured blackout device affects only crows and humans. We’re not even related.
*FlashForward is available on Netflix InstantWatch and Hulu. FlashForward is property of the American Broadcasting Company.
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