Chaos;Head - Episode 2: “Ego”

I always forget what part the ego plays in everything. I mean, the id is the party dude, and the superego is your discerning grandma, but the ego is, what, the dude who suggested that maybe you should go to class today? Eh, whatever, I’m already on record this week that Freud is stupid.

LAST TIME: A creeper who lives in a storage container witnesses a murder (maybe) and then meets a nerd girl (probably) and then finds out the murderer is in his class (I guess). From all the clues we are getting that our main character is completely fucking insane, I’m not sure how important I should take any given plot point. Also, you have to intentionally turn on the English dub!

Infinity Inc. - Issue 2: “Luthor’s Monsters, Part 2”

Really now? Kid Empty? Why not just name him Baby Bad Guy? Also, Superman is coming to the rescue hurray.

LAST TIME: Everyone who participated in Luthor’s weird superhero program during 52 is now damaged as fuck, and going to therapy. They appear to be randomly manifesting superpowers, and one of them is going fucking crazy, and Steel’s niece apparently turned to fog. That’s pretty bad.

Touch - Episode 2: “1 + 3 = 3”

Certifiably untrue. You’d think that a show that purports to be about numbers would not make such a easy mistake so early on. And isn’t the common wrong math problem 2 + 2 = 5?

LAST TIME: Kiefer Sutherland is the father of an autistic kid that he maybe needs to some help raising, since the kid is constantly freaking out. Through a bunch of insane coincidences, they manage to save a school bus full of children by distracting this guy. Also we follow a lost phone that manages to trek the entire world in what seems like a week, eventually being used as a detonator for a suicide bomber, but everything turns out okay. I’m not sure how they were related at all.

Chaos;Head - Episode 1: "Boot Up"

That’s not how a semicolon works, Japan. I’d consider this a momentary lapse if there wasn’t ANOTHER show called “Robotics;Notes.” You guys really have no idea what you are doing.

NETFLIX SYNOPSIS:  After being told about a string of killings in his area, high school student Takumi stumbles on a murder scene. Convinced the police are after him, Takumi spirals into paranoid delusions that blur the lines between reality and fiction.

Who told him about these murders? Would he have not stumbled onto the scene if he wasn’t told? Also, that’s not him in the cover art, is it? If you are only going to show up the ladies, why are these series never about the ladies?

Infinity Inc. - Issue 1: Luthor’s Monsters, Part 1

I really liked 52, the DC megaseries in 2006 that explained what happened in the year that followed the Infinite Crisis when Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman just took a break for some reason. Mainly because it launched my favorite character into the role of the Most Important Person in the Multiverse, but also because pretty much every plot thread was solid and interesting and it managed to resolve all of them in a great way, while given a lot of attention to a bunch of characters who nobody ever talks about, like the Metal Men and Ralph Dibny (RIP).

In fact, the only plot that I only cared about because Steel was tangentially involved was….this one. Lex Luthor gave a bunch of assholes superpowers and apparently bought the rights to a superhero team name (?) and then a bunch of bullshit happened that eventually ended with Steel just committing breaking and entering to stop Lex Luthor’s plans, whatever those were. Whatever, at least Steel looked good. Let’s find out what happened in this miniseries.

Touch - Episode 1:"Tales of the Red Thread"

AND WE’RE BACK. So anyway, Kiefer Sutherland has a son, who can tell the future, but nobody knows or something? And it’s called Touch? Anyway, overly dramatic, mildly supernatural, this is how we do. We did. And we again!

Persons Unknown - Episode 5: "Incoming"

DUCK! COVER! Some thing is coming and you should be prepared, maybe! Maybe the inglorious return of Josh Interprets?! (Probably not that)

LAST TIME: Two of our heroes got lost in the hills and were attacked by bees, and then that one girl who you probably hate exited the series, maybe. Also, it’s revealed that main hero guy is actually a double agent, which reveals a shitload of things. Like, why he is so boring as a character.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Issue 5: "The Chain"

Oh no was Buffy Tom Cruise the whole time? Do people still get Mission: Impossible references?

LAST TIME: Buffy saves Willow from a dude with no skin, and also completely wrecks a military base. Oh, and apparently all of humanity has declared war on her. ALL OF IT.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 8: "Dyed in the Color of a Girl"

So………pink?

LAST TIME: After several unsuccessful attempts to hook up what’s-his-face with who-cares, they turn to a literal god to do it, which ends in kind of an awesome kaiju fight. And now we move on! Right? Moving on?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Issue 4: "The Long Way Home Part 4"

Yeah, those are what those characters look like. Good job. Although I am not sure her thumb is exactly is the right spot. I don’t know, I’ve never held a person before.

LAST TIME: Willow shows up and stops the zombies by making them dance, apparently, and they capture Amy and wake up Buffy. However, it was a trap, and Amy captures Willow so she can be tortured by that guy she killed. Oh, and some minor character shows up and is pointless.

Persons Unknown - Episode 4: "Exit One"

Hurray someone gets shot in the chest or something. Let it be Used Car Salesman, because screw that guy!

LAST TIME: After an unsuccessful attempt to burrow out of town or something, the group is overcome with paranoia over a gas attack, which ends up hurting those who thought they were safe! Ho ho, the irony. Also I guess that douche bag reporter is actually the mother’s deadbeat husband, I don’t care.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 7: "The Direction of Love is Left to the Gods"

Oh good, so we are giving up on the bullshit “get the main character to fall in love with the waitress” plot. Hopefully. I mean, it has only KILLED THEM once. I can’t see how this ridiculous plan can backfire any harder.

LAST TIME: One of the heroine’s mother is a fox spirit and also is a huge con artist, as she tries to steal some artifacts for some reason, but another fox spirits goes nuts and kidnaps and everyone, and in the end, nothing changes and we get on with our lives.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Issue 3: "The Long Way Home Part 3"

I am trying to focus on the non-sexy parts of this cover so…black fingernails, Willow? Really?

LAST TIME: The Slayer Castle gets attacked by zombies and Buffy is out-of-commission due to some Sleeping Beauty spell cast by Amy. A bunch of talking also happens, and then Willow shows up.

Persons Unknown - Episode 3: "The Way Through"

You mean a way through that weird light that immediately sent them back to the start, just like going the wrong way in a video game maze? I usually just go straight to the Internet, because screw that.

LAST TIME: Our extremely paranoid crew try to murder a guy, then yell at some Chinese people, then try to escape once again only to have it fail miserably. Meanwhile, some people who do not matter have sex with each other.

Nap Time

Josh Interprets... is on hold until further notice. Performing some restructuring or whatever excuse you will accept.

Persons Unknown - Episode 2: "The Edge"

Are we living on it? Already? It’s only episode 2. Give us somewhere to go, guys.

LAST TIME: Seven people are kidnapped and proceed to freak the hell out! Pointing weapons at literally everyone they meet. Threatening Chinese food restaurant workers. Keeping secrets from each other for no reason. Pandemonium.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 6: "Feelings Shining in the Glow of Sunset"

The mildly sexual phrases will continue until morale improves!

LAST TIME: Our main character is once again manipulated into trying to fall in love with some lady, and he goddamn dies! But luckily he knows a monster who can resurrect him, so…good on that. Also, there is a robot.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Issue 2: "The Long Way Home Part 2"

Yeah, I could look awesome too if I had an eye patch and a bitchin’ leather jacket. Which inexplicably has the logo for the comic on the sleeve. Is that going to be a thing? The logo being intergrated into the scene? Because that’s not that interesting.

LAST TIME: Buffy is still Buffy, doing what she do, Dawn is now 50-feet-tall for some reason, everyone is being pissy to each other, and Amy (remember Amy?) is now a bad guy, I guess. I don’t know! Buffy!

Persons Unknown - Episode 1: "Pilot"

Next mildly supernatural TV show! This was in my Instant Queue, so, I guess this was the next thing I’m watching. I don’t know, it feels very 9 doors 9 persons 9 hours (which I still need to get around to playing), so…that’s cool, I guess? Let’s get going. People trapped in a single room for a good 10 hours.

Moeyo Ken - Episode 5: "Make My Heart Race"

Can this show stop coming on to me? It’s just getting creepy at this point. Listen, anime, I’m just not that into you. I’m sorry!

LAST TIME: Our main idiot becomes a sponsor to a prostitute by suggesting she do the can-can instead of her crappy stand-up routine. Also a bunch of nonsense and maybe the prostitute murdered a bunch of people? It got way too wacky for me to really track what was actually going on.