LAST TIME: Seven people are kidnapped and proceed to freak the hell out! Pointing weapons at literally everyone they meet. Threatening Chinese food restaurant workers. Keeping secrets from each other for no reason. Pandemonium.
0:07 Yeah, I just said all that.
0:53 Wait, why are there bars on the windows? Why would they raise at a certain point?
1:14 GAH! UG! I’m just had my breakfast, show.
1:39 Is the implant supposed to look like some kind of bug?
2:06 Wait, why are they ALL doing it? Just have one person do it and have him get help.
2:54 I can’t imagine how leaving hostages to their own devices could possibly end badly.
3:42 Oh, okay, this is apparently the future, where they have force fields.
4:13 Ah dang Alan Ruck is in this? Oh yeah, he’s the goatee guy. Now if only I can remember what else he has ever been in.
5:00 Oh, she just wants to see her daughter, let her go.
5:50 I don’t know, you guys spent a lot of time dicking around doing amateur surgery. Night manager could have done all this.
6:30 So…how long until they forget to put that burn make-up on her?
7:23 Yeah, we know what microwaves are, lady.
7:44 So…if they had those set up, why bother implanting them with knock-out gas pills at all?
8:07 I was almost with him until he started acting like a racist.
8:46 Wait, she thinks her own father took her hostage? That’s dumb. You’re dumb.
9:38 Well, as long as we put the beating up of an innocent to a vote.
10:08 Suit dude dies this episode, right? Fuck this guy.
11:06 Ug…the San Francisco characters are boring the crap out of me.
11:43 Maybe hiring less extras to walk around. It is literally unbelievable all of these jerks are milling around this office.
12:41 Let’s go get some booze or whatever! Woo!
13:08 I was kidding! They really are boozing it up!
13:54 OF COURSE the socialite went straight for the clothing store.
14:30 Oh right she’s a lesbian. You can tell because of her haircut, because absolutely everyone is exactly what they look like.
15:26 “Trees are…well…trees.”
15:52 It’s just my obligation as the mysterious leader type.
16:20 Oh Christ, we still have to follow the grandma still? Is there literally nothing else?
17:31 Yeah, what did you expect her to see, socialite?
18:02 And also, please don’t call me names.
18:21 Ah her burn marks are gone. So…16 minutes
19:28 A plant? That is a shitty prize.
20:09 Is there anything the lesbian doesn’t know? Or is she going to be the resident nerd?
20:44 Indeed! Why would she?
21:44 These guys act as if they can actually beat the crap out of him without some poison gas flooding the room or something.
22:05 That’s…that’s not what the fortune cookie said yesterday.
22:50 I am not impressed with their constant close-ups to the camera as if that’s intimidating.
23:50 AH OH NO ACTION! Fast-split camera action.
24:36 So…is everyone going to dramatically run up to the fence and spaz out? Is that the plan?
25:18 Torture never worked…says the army guy. I’m pretty okay with that.
26:12 Maybe confront your father where military police can’t take you away? I don’t know.
26:52 Maybe poke some holes into that mason jar. There’s a living thing in there.
27:30 Meanwhile, back in San Francisco, prepare to be bored.
28:02 It’s the results of the World’s Ugliest Dog contest; never been the same since Sam died.
28:36 But as a member of some sort of jurisdiction, my hands are tied.
29:18 Also, the fact that I’m holding you at gunpoint trying to steal this information will only look even more suspicious, but whatever.
30:04 I absolutely refuse to act like a reasonable individual in any way.
30:48 WHAT?! So a bolt of lightning hit something and exploded it? How insane.
31:20 Oh hell, suit guy is a used car salesman, that explains everything.
31:44 Great distraction, just fucking scream at them and flip stuff over.
32:29 Yeah guys, don’t actually move with any urgency. Just a gentle 10-mile-an-hour drive out of town.
33:15 Oh hey, these people sleep with each other.
33:49 It involves sex. Did you think it might not be sex?
34:20 They had been hanging out with each other for at least three days, and he never bothered to introduce himself?
34:59 It’s another vehicle. Or a huge spotlight. Or something.
35:26 Oh what the motherfuck. How does this make any collective sense? Are they in the Matrix?
36:46 Well, here’s hoping they stop freaking the fuck out and actually spend a few moments figuring out what they are doing here.
37:24 And then the CGI butterfly gets fried by the microwave gun.
38:18 Oh right, she still has that old-timey gun and weird command to kill leader guy.
39:17 I don’t know how to use a phone because I’m four.
40:16 Oh shit she’s going to do it.
40:50 How is she in danger, exactly? She just got confirmation that her child is staying at her mom’s place. Sure, her mom’s a bitch, but still.
41:21 Well…except the dead guy.
42:10 Because I will cry a lot and you will feel really bad about it.
Verdict: Um, some of this stuff didn't make any sense, and I am already sick of watching these people try to escape. I would prefer them to just calm the hell down and think about what's going on. Build character. Also, get these people a hamburger. They will sick of Chinese cuisine here soon.
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