The Search for Ray Palmer: Wildstorm

One thing I like about the DC universe is their whole 52 different universes bit that was brought back a few years ago, after all the universes were collapsed into one in Crisis on Infinite Earths. I know Marvel has it too, I guess, but DC gives it a lot more pomp. What I don’t like is how little they did with it after they reintroduced the multiverse; there were no books set in those universes before the reboot last year, and the only time anyone actually wandered those universes was…this book. Well, books. For some reason, each issue in the trade I have is Issue 1 of a series that never happened. Why weren’t they all one-shots? Who knows?

Anyway, this cover is stupid, because it has Grifter on it, and Grifter is stupid.

Page 1, Panel 1: Oh, I guess some backstory is necessary? So, Kyle Rayner, Jason Todd, and Wonder Girl are search the multiverse for Ray Palmer for some reason, who got all sad and vanished at the end of Infinite Crisis. They are joined by Bob, a Monitor.  And I guess this guy, who appears to be talking? Maybe?

Page 2, Panel 3: Oh no someone murdered the Pope! Or…someone named Pope!

Page 2, Panel 7: I like that Jason Todd’s costume is whatever he happened to be wearing and a tiny red domino mask.

Page 3, Panel 1: Oh, Kyle Rayner was talking. Okay neat.

Page 3, Panel 4: Hi Bob!

Page 3, Panel 7: Kyle is working hard to make sure Jason doesn’t mack on his ex-girlfriend.

Page 4, Panel 1: Wait, he could be ANYWHERE in the hemisphere? How on Earth did they plan to find him, exactly? Splitting out sounds like it wouldn’t work.

Page 4, Panel 3: Oh cool, he made them all green wristwatches.

Page 4, Panel 4: If it was, it’s not that funny. He put a cute little rabbit on it, what?

Page 5, Panel 1: What does Bob usually do? Watch stuff?

Page 5, Panel 5: Welp, guess Kyle is gone now.

Page 6, Panel 2: The heck is that thing? Also, you’re kinda far enough away from it that it’s not going to hit you, man.

Page 7, Panel 1: Oh what is up some guy I definitely don’t care about. Monarch?

Page 7, Panel 3: This is great and all, but what and where is the Bleed? What are we doing here? I thought we were in the Wildstorm universe.

Page 7, Panel 4: Oh right, the offer he made that we would have need to read a completely different comic to find out about.

Page 8, Panel 3: Wait, what happened to his fancy headset?

Page 9, Panel 1: I will never get why the DC universe has a New York. They have Metropolis and Gotham, why a New York?

Page 9, Panel 4: Yeah, that’s cool, Kyle. Just create a giant tidal wave that will surely hurt innocents and don’t even bother to ask these guys any reasonable questions.

Page 10, Panel 2: See? I told you Grifter was a jerk. Just starts beating up this guy for no good reason.

Page 11, Panel 1: What? How the hell did he get to Transylvania, and why is he fighting demons by creating a Frankenstein? How is this his fight? How is this helping?

Page 12, Panel 1: Man, he cannot stop whining about this universe. You know, maybe if you lived here, you wouldn’t be such a dick.

Page 12, Panel 7: That I was doing for some reason.

Page 13, Panel 2: So, I guess you won your fight with Grifter then, Jason? Also, how are you getting around? You can’t fly. Are you just…taking the train?

Page 13, Panel 6: If he wants to be found…why doesn’t he just come home? Leave someone an e-mail? Why mark speedsters?

Page 14, Panel 3: And then this second-rate Batman showed up and sliced this guy's head off. I would totally react the same way.

Page 15, Panel 3: How do you know that, Kyle? Laws could be different here.

Page 16, Panel 1: So, the cavalry showed up, walking through this weird gate or whatever, and this lady near the back is still stepping through, so all you can see is her head and her boobs. It is so dumb.

Page 17, Panel 3: Hey man, she wasn’t even doing anything. Why did you punch her?

Page 17, Panel 4: Haha, get it? That’s what people say to perverts.

Page 18, Panel 4: Why did he make a tiny Superman shield? He’s not Superman? Nobody in this universe knows Superman. This is dumb.

Page 19, Panel 1: Check out this guy. He’s got a dumb helmet and everything.

Page 19, Panel 4: Also, you shouldn't just start trying to kill strangers anyway. Kind of a dick move. But thanks, random guy, for breaking up the fight.

Page 20, Panel 2: And you guys do?

Page 20, Panel 4: Man, our heroes are on the highest of horses right now.

Page 20, Panel 5: Oh hey, that’s the thing we saw earlier. Good to know?

Page 21, Panel 4: He can’t hear you, Donna! He kinda flew away.

Page 22, Panel 3: Hmm, apparently this is also the Heavy Metal universe.

Page 22, Panel 6: You and me both, random guy! What was the point of that last page?

Verdict: Wildstorm is dumb. Why did they take such a dumb tour of the universe, meeting people we’ve never heard of and punching things either with or against them? Why was Kyle fighting demons? What the hell was Monarch talking about? Who is this Dark Angel lady? Man, screw this already.