The Gates - Episode 4: "The Monster Within"

Really guys? You couldn’t come up with a show title that was at least marginally more creative. I mean, not only is this the most obvious title, but you had a title pretty much identical to this one not two episodes ago. You think people who were ripping off True Blood but with more monsters would have an original thought!

LAST TIME: There was a crime spree, and this charming gated community became a police state there for a bit. Meanwhile, werewolf gets broken up with by his succubus girlfriend, and vampire wife is still annoying and pointless. I’m glad everyone is a different kind of monster so they are easy to identify.

0:30 Isn’t wolf hunting like super illegal everywhere, since they are an endangered and all? (Editor’s note: Nah, guess not. Still a horrible idea on foot though.) And why would this hunter shot at wolves who haven’t even noticed him? This hunter is a stupid hick, is what I’m saying.

1:45 This show seems to start the same each time. Dark, inexplicable nonsense in the woods, people lounging around naked in bed.

2:59 They really need to come up with some new subplots. I am already bored about the sheriff guy accidentally murdering someone.

3:37 Someone shot him! What do you think happened?

4:17 So, is literally everyone who isn’t a vampire or otherwise a werewolf? Should I just assume all background extras are werewolves?

4:58 Deputy guy doesn’t own a bed?

5:32 It would be cute if his daughter wasn’t in high school, that is just kinda creepy.

6:33 Morning high-fives!

7:04 Every little detail that is discussed in this kitchen is treated like it’s a huge, fucking deal. Just hang out with that dude, be an adult.

8:21 No, I meant the part where we kidnap people and violate them against their will. Kind of against the law, vampire guy.

9:00 Oh thank goodness, the woods are part of their jurisdiction. Another excuse to ignore crime inside the subdivision.

10:11 Boy, that was a poorly planned make-out session. 'Oh right, I’m at school, where I have obligations literally every five minutes.'

11:03 Have you guys been macking? Huh?

11:19 HAHAHAHA! His mom thought that the succubus was a dude there for a few seconds, and she was worried her son was a gay.

12:10 It seems like you are constantly on edge about nothing in particular.

14:21 So, what is she supposed to do, exactly? With her succubus powers? Just…ignore boys forever?

15:02 And not some hellspawn who ensnares men with her wiles.

15:29 Gossip gossip gossip.

16:12 Oh no definitive proof that someone at one point took their shirt off in the woods.

16:55 How did he see that?! That was like a centimeter of blood on a leaf. This man must be magic.

17:46 Um, no, it’s about you. We think we’re molesting children. Seriously, why else would we call you in, coach? It’s about one of your players.

18:59 Quick look around to make sure nobody is listening to their secret conversation they are choosing to have in an extremely public place.

20:41 So…moving the body was actually the absolute worst idea. Good job werewolves.

21:21 You brought him three chick flick DVDs? How nice of you?

22:22 I think I own a tie exactly like that one. Paisley is perfect for ties.

23:18 Did…he go to therapy or something? Because…he should have gone to therapy.

24:07 And so I became the Punisher.

24:51 Not saying you shouldn’t have gotten this off your chest, sheriff, but…maybe your timing is completely poor. You have a dance to go to.

26:18 So…when do these two vampires start sleeping with each other?

27:11 Oh no, she is going to go nuts on you, deputy guy. Watch your step.

27:58 Probably a really good reason she has a gun. Like, maybe she’s in a gun club.

29:11 So…instead of just letting your vampire friend suck her blood and not interrupt, you made a huge damn deal that you were there. Good thinking!

30:41 Wolves? In The Gates? What’s up with that?

31:30 Still not sure who is sponsoring this dance. Is it the school? Chamber of Commerce?

32:08 I just heard the story on the news somehow! Despite the fact that I was traveling, so I couldn’t have possibly heard the report.

32:59 Oooh…there’s a wolf council.

33:20 But coach, if I can’t play football, what will I do at school? Study?

35:11 Wait…isn’t her husband also a vampire? I thought they were both vampires. I guess I never checked. Because this guy is making it sounds like it’s not that way.

36:18 Now, this is going to sounds completely insane, but…

37:02 Oh no, he’s going lone wolf!

37:39 Sure hope nobody was standing on the other side of that convenient pile of refuse.

38:34 I’ve always known that you had the potential to become a crazed vigilante.

39:09 Everyone here at this town is really nice to me for some reason.

39:32 Oh no she has a gun! And she pulled it while another person was directly behind her and could have easily turned around and seen it.

39:45 Oh, this is the sister of the rapist, out for revenge!

40:35 Again…your brother was a rapist and a murderer. Are you really going to kill his entire family? Does being a sociopath just run in the family?

41:04 What the fuck?! Who is this guy?

41:32 Oh, it’s vampire husband. He is a vampire. Also, willing to reveal this fact right away instead of finding a non-vampire way to incapacitate her.

42:02 But…that’s ridiculously implausible!

Verdict: Well I sure didn’t see that coming! They spent three whole episodes setting that up. Plus, it gives the sheriff an interesting introduction to the Masquerade, and they spent sufficient time and energy causing interesting rifts with the other monsters as well. This was a good episode, you guys.