Audible

I had slipped behind in my lead time, and I have an event this coming weekend, so...no posts this week. I'll get caught up for next week, sorry.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 22: "Skiing and a Vampire"

Another vacation? They just had one! I worry for the monster education system; there are going to be a lot of monsters left behind.

LAST TIME: A lot of “cute” little stories, most of them panty related. Some spotlights on little exposed characters, which is fine until you are reminded that those characters suck. Oh also, apparently there is this huge magic battery that is keeping the school safe that is almost guaranteed to fail by the end of the series.

The Search for Ray Palmer: Red Rain

Well this is a deliriously stupid cover. Serious, what in all hells is going on? We have this weird vampire Batman, while Green Lantern does Green Lantern shit and it just makes the whole thing look a special Christmas issue. These colors can’t mix like this, guys. I don’t care if they are opposing colors, they have a very specific place in the gestalt. The American consciousness immediately starts singing Jingle Bells when you do this.

LAST TIME: Some jackass named Jokester is kind of a superhero, opposing Owlman on Earth-3 in the goofiest and most pointless way possible. His life is stupid, but our heroes help his escape his dumb planet. Good for them.

The Gates - Episode 4: "The Monster Within"

Really guys? You couldn’t come up with a show title that was at least marginally more creative. I mean, not only is this the most obvious title, but you had a title pretty much identical to this one not two episodes ago. You think people who were ripping off True Blood but with more monsters would have an original thought!

LAST TIME: There was a crime spree, and this charming gated community became a police state there for a bit. Meanwhile, werewolf gets broken up with by his succubus girlfriend, and vampire wife is still annoying and pointless. I’m glad everyone is a different kind of monster so they are easy to identify.

Esther: The Girl Who Became Queen

Netflix Synopsis: After she is chosen to be queen, young Esther has to intervene on behalf of her people when her husband, the king, is tricked into having them all sent away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling, in this episode based on the Biblical book of Esther.

What’s that, a Biblical story with a female protaganist? I can’t imagine what could go wrong here! Yeah sure, I’ll do another VeggieTales. Mainly because that goddamn tomato isn’t on the cover. I hate that sanctimonious dick. Plus, I’m lazy this week, and I’d rather pad than do nothing at all like I have done every other week.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 21: "Youth and a Vampire"

You keep this show away from children. This show would mess a child up.

LAST TIME: Our main character tries to get away from the constant harauging and just see his family, but nope, can’t even do that. All the girls show up anyway and give his mom a heart attack. Eventually they all fight, and nothing gets resolved.

The Search for Ray Palmer: Crime Society

Something seems off about the Joker. Is it the hair? Also, isn’t this supposed to be happening on an alternate Earth? None of these people look any different.

LAST TIME: Our heroes went to the Wildstorm universe and were just dicks to everyone. Also, a bunch of people we don’t know did some stuff that probably means something? I’m not sure.

The Gates - Episode 3: "Breach"

That’s a gross word. Nothing should ever breach anything if boats aren’t involved.

LAST TIME: The Sheriff solves the murder of the old sheriff somehow, though that guy was probably framed. The vampire gives the witch blood, which she needs, I guess, and the teenage girl is turning into a succubus. I just realized, all they need to do is add an ice girl and the show will have the exact same cast as the anime I’m watching as well!

Legend of the Sea

NetFlix Synopsis: Prince Draco must evolve into a Dragon King in order to protect his kingdom from the evil octopus Ocho -- who has recently been freed from captivity and is seeking revenge -- in this animated adventure film starring Rob Schneider.

STOP! Just…just stop. Way to try and bury the bad news, synopsis. At least the cover warns you up front.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 20: "Bathroom and a Vampire"

I…I really could not care. This seems gross and I don’t want to watch, but as long as a toilet doesn’t come to life, I’ll be happy.

LAST TIME: The team goes to Kyoto, and everyone is obnoxious and needy. They fight a gang of idiots, and somehow the vampire becomes their leader? I’m going to assume that plot point will never be mentioned again.

The Search for Ray Palmer: Wildstorm

One thing I like about the DC universe is their whole 52 different universes bit that was brought back a few years ago, after all the universes were collapsed into one in Crisis on Infinite Earths. I know Marvel has it too, I guess, but DC gives it a lot more pomp. What I don’t like is how little they did with it after they reintroduced the multiverse; there were no books set in those universes before the reboot last year, and the only time anyone actually wandered those universes was…this book. Well, books. For some reason, each issue in the trade I have is Issue 1 of a series that never happened. Why weren’t they all one-shots? Who knows?

Anyway, this cover is stupid, because it has Grifter on it, and Grifter is stupid.

The Gates - Episode 2: "What Lies Beneath"

It’s a monster, isn’t it? It’s probably a monster.

LAST TIME: Some guy becomes the police chief of this planned community that is apparently just full of goddamn werewolves. His son has a crush on a lady, and his daughter is a wiseass. Some vampires murdered someone and did a pisspoor job of covering it up, and some witches have a pissy whinefest? In retrospect, a lot happened.

Rosario+Vampire - Episode 19: "School Trip and a Vampire"

Oh good, another case of them trying to pretend to act human and having no idea how. Fish out of water stories always not completely boring as hell and forced.

LAST TIME: Curry zombies. Still not over how completely ridiculous and awesome that was. Oh, if only every episode was curry zombies.

Son of Hulk - Issue 17 - "Fortunate Son"

Huh. You know, when I proclaimed revenge against this massive planet-eating deity, I thought he would be…smaller. I don’t now why I thought that. I’m pretty dumb.

LAST TIME: Everything explodes! Heads, airships, guns, probably a squirrel. Then Galactus shows up looking like a jerk and Hiro acts like a huge dick.