A bit of research that I really should have done a while ago reveals that the reason I have no clue who these dummies are is because they are from an alternate Marvel universe that was initially published on the MAX imprint. Which means some great and terrible things: One, there is no reason to care about these character, so many of them are going to die, and two, there will probably be nudity. So let’s discover and then quickly forget about this team together.
Page 1, Panel 1: Imagine, a bunch of reporters showing up to a press conference.
Page 1, Panel 4: The general is apparently missing an arm or something, and is a real dick about it when someone happens to mention the word “limb” in his presence.
Page 2, Panel 5: Wait, you convince FOX News to showcase a literal alien as exotic and colorful instead as a dangerous menace? Now I know this is an alternate universe. (Also, doesn’t C-Span just show what’s happening in Congress? Why would they have news stories?)
Page 3, Panel 1: Because in the end, isn’t ignoring the vast metaphysical implications of a person from another world worth it for a few bland, faux-philosophies?
Page 3, Panel 5: I’m sure that trick works wonders and is completely legal. Of course the government can draft anyone they want if they just promise they won’t have to hurt anyone. It’s not slavery.
Page 4, Panel 4: Is there a good reason why he can’t visit his mom every now and then? He has superspeed powers! He can probably pop in whenever he wants.
Page 5, Panel 5: Can’t imagine why! You’re only forcing him to leave his family for a cause he doesn’t believe in.
Page 6, Panel 2: This gem is so trippy man.
Page 6, Panel 5: So, despite her having no uses for the team whatsoever, they still plan to draft this mermaid? I’m beginning to think they didn’t plan this team all that well.
Page 6, Panel 6: The outside world may be able to handle your blue skin, weird hair, and fins, but they will not stand to see you naked!
Page 7, Panel 6: Ah it looks like they teleported from this building. Or to this building. Or maybe they didn’t go anywhere at all, and that was just a drug delivery system. I DON’T KNOW.
Page 8, Panel 1: Oh nevermind here they are. They are flying with his Lisa Frank poster powers.
Page 8, Panel 3: I have a feeling that she can totally read minds.
Page 8, Panel 5: Oh no! It appears the mermaid murdered Supergirl!
Page 9, Panel 1: How can I explain this murder? With a look of smug satisfaction, oh yeah.
Page 9, Panel 3: Well, I think your idea is stupid, but hey, people still think the Loch Ness Monster is a thing, so let’s do it anyway. The idiots won’t figure it out.
Page 9, Panel 4: Seen here eating lunch.
Page 10, Panel 2: Because this character is being treated as “the dumb one,” of course he gets served macaroni and cheese for dinner.
Page 10, Panel 6: So her powers don’t make any sense and won’t be that important, got it.
Page 11, Panel 4: The smart guy is a smug asshole, because smart people are incapable of not being huge dicks.
Page 12, Panel 1: Here’s a lady who just now regrets that fifth Hefewisen.
Page 12, Panel 4: Great plan, token lesbian. Hit on a woman who is here with her male date. That’ll go over well.
Page 13, Panel 1: AHHH scary face!
Page 14, Panel 1: This woman wants to keep a low profile you say? Yeah, destroy a bar with one punch will surely not be noticed.
Page 15, Panel 5: We took the liberty to give this sociopathic crazy lady, and only her, a codename.
Page 16, Panel 2: HMM. Normal man who trained himself to perfection to avenge the death of his parents that dresses in all black? Probably a coincidence.
Page 16, Panel 3: Hey wait this is owl fetish gimp. He seems regular size to me. What’s with the cover then?
Page 17, Panel 4: UG! They nicknamed the shrinking powers guy Tom Thumb. I would pull a Ray Palmer immediately if that happened to me.
Page 17, Panel 5: HAHAHA! I get it! Because he’s tiny!
Page 18, Panel 1: Must be tough to get any sleep when you have nuclear powers. Always glowing.
Page 18, Panel 5: I guess this lady is an imposter or something? Well, she’s not wearing a shirt, so bonus points there.
Page 19, Panel 3: Geez man, do you mind? I was about to go to bed in my bedroom with only this one creepy mask in it.
Page 20, Panel 5: Well, it came across the newswire, so, yeah, people have probably seen it.
Page 20, Panel 6: Hey guys! Want to play ultimate frisbee?
Page 21, Panel 3: Man…alternate universe and Bush is still president? Lame.
Page 21, Panel 4: And they made him talk like a dummy because liberal media.
Page 22-23: Eh, this is an okay spread. Although if I were the quantum reactions lady, I would be pissed that I was assigned that outfit. Skimpy, inpractically tight around the neck, and with a boob window? Just let her pick her own clothes. It’s not like costumes were mandatory, genius guy is wearing a suit. And let the little guy stand on someone’s shoulder or something, I worried about him down there.
Verdict: There’s the set-up! I understand that the Squadron Supreme is suppose to be blatant expies of DC’s Justice League, but they way they are taking this seems interesting. But there are way too many characters, over ten, and for a team book, that is difficult to juggle. It also means I don't care about any of these jerks, so.
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