Netflix Synopsis: Don Quixote's (voiced by José Luis Gil) true story is revealed through the legendary donkey of Castile: Rucio (Luis Posada), who is owned by Sancho Panza (Andreu Buenafuente). Mischief, acts of bravery and adventure abound when Rucio and Don Quixote challenge the Half Moon Knight. Meanwhile, a desire for the stunningly gorgeous Dulcinea (Sonia Ferrer) is revealed. Miguel de Cervantes's classic tale gets the animated treatment.
None of that is even slightly funny! Let’s get on with it!
0:20 What? Speak up! I can’t read all those logos that fast.
0:50 What do you want, it’s a Don Quixote story. Of course we start with a windmill.
2:17 Pretty faithful so far. A little interesting.
3:14 Is this the lady from the first book? The one who was a total bitch to everyone and refuse to put up with their romantic jargon?
3:38 And now the donkey just interrupted everything.
3:52 YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED THE REFERENCE THE THING YOU ARE RIPPING OFF!
4:14 Why is the donkey wearing a baseball cap?
5:07 Sure hope you don’t like physics. Because they aren’t involved here.
5:21 Pony exams? There’s a horse high school?
5:59 A battalion of chickens. That’s all.
7:02 Everyone stop yelling!
8:44 Why wouldn’t the horse swallow the letter? That would totally take it out of circulation.
9:21 Hey there, it’s me, Sancho Panza. I sound like a gangster for some reason.
10:16 Fart joke, take a drink.
11:03 Isn’t Don Quixote supposed to be an old man, why does he look 25?
11:51 Hold up, this is post first book? And Don Quixote is a real person? Does that mean we get to go to that super boring dinner party? (Yeah I read the books, get over it.)
13:30 Check out this armor that probably won’t fit!
14:22 This characterization of Sancho is dumb. Sancho follows Don Quixote regardless. He does not hold a grudge or get jealous.
16:15 So…can the humans hear the animals? Is the Garfield corollary in place here?
17:24 I am kinda disturbed how similar this chicken is to the porcupine in Gnomes and Trolls.
18:18 Are they talking about the video game character Sinistar?
19:46 No guys, we are done with the chicken. Why are we looking at him again?
20:30 Really? Modern art? In 17th century Spain?
21:10 HA! There’s a Don Quixote fan club? That’s adorable.
23:09 It’s this guy! Wait, how did he get there before them?
23:36 I love when they throw in jokes that would only makes sense to actual Spanish people.
24:40 Don Quixote actually admitted he’s a crazy person.
26:30 What the hell is going on with his armor? That doesn’t make any sense.
27:17 Seriously, you guys really suck at cosplay! Stop pretending to be me!
27:58 Peter Pan! Only three hundred years too soon!
29:06 All knights are easily distracted by some nonsense.
29:40 Hey that was easy. They caught up to that wagon really quickly despite spending five minutes entertaining crazy folk.
30:30 C-3PO horse does not believe in love.
31:29 Did…did he just admit to being kinda gay for Don Quixote?
31:50 Is this a cover of a Cyndi Lauper song? Weird choice.
32:20 UG! Piss puddle joke!
33:34 Why is the chicken carrying around a cartoon bomb?
34:26 What the hell is a lion doing here?
35:31 Are they ever going to explain what is up with that armor? Why is it able to knock him around?
36:02 Huh. And I thought the horse was gay.
36:27 Yeah, I guess that fight wasn’t worth concluding. Let’s move on.
37:08 Is that supposed to look like a cardboard cutout?
39:28 Sancho totally wants to sleep with this creepy old lady!
40:36 WHAT?! The lady horse is a drag queen!
43:45 “Do men make laws only to deny justice?” Maybe?
44:35 Everybody is pretty slaphappy for some reason.
45:30 Where did this lady come from? I thought she was a cardboard cutout before?
46:40 What have you done? I really can’t tell what the conflict is here.
47:46 What is up with these windmills, they aren’t attached to anything?
49:17 So, these people are all conspiring to trick Quixote into giving up his property? I thought Quixote was a crazy broke guy.
49:50 What the hell is Jigsaw doing here?
50:25 The lion is a vegetarian. Because of course he is.
51:44 Disco Quixote!
53:30 Yeah, I didn’t want to see that chase scene anyway.
53:53 How did that horse and that weasel manage to string up the other horse by his hooves? And why burn down the stables in the first place?
55:09 Wait, the lion is a good guy? Why did he help the horse?
56:42 This was sudden and a little insane.
57:58 HOHO! She grabbed her boobs! (Too bad she has the personality of a horrible crab.)
58:59 Hang on, did the chicken actually die?! That’s pretty awful.
59:27 I don’t even know why that put up that façade up, the castle looked appropriately castleish without it.
1:01:07 I guess we’re not sad after all! Let’s get on with the adventure. (Seriously, absolutely no resolution to that moment of crisis.)
1:02:24 I thought we were going to Barcalona, not a Renaissance fair.
1:03:08 Was there a good reason why we needed that bathroom joke?
1:05:17 And the donkey gets his payoff despite not doing a single heroic thing at all.
1:06:37 Who needs medical attention when you can have a puppet show!
1:07:23 Did they hire the devil to joust Don Quixote to the death?
1:08:27 What are these jerk horses even doing here?
1:09:38 Hurray the chicken isn’t dead apparently! And he’s friends with a lion for some reason.
1:11:05 SURE! “Hit me with your Best Shot” Why not?
1:11:46 The Dragon was taken out by the fat idiot tertiary character.
1:13:10 I’m pretty sure that’s not how jousts work.
1:14:06 Hold up, that entire sequence was just to determine who got to fight to the death with some other guy completely?
1:15:26 So, the villain had absolutely no good motivation and was in actuality pretty incompetent? That seems fair.
1:17:23 HAHAHA! Don Quixote’s armor leapt up off the ground and took the shot for him.
1:17:49 And then the knight that was apparently haunting the armor was just dragged to hell by demons!
1:18:27 Hold up, these two were fighting over Dulcinea? I thought he no longer believed she existed.
1:19:03 Oh, and surprise, the person he was fighting was actually a hot chick who totally wants in Quixote’s crazy crazy pants.
1:20:29 Thanks chicken, I was not in doubt that things were alright.
1:21:24 That wrapup sure did completely miss the point of the novel entire.
1:22:17 Oh, and apparently we get a live action music video with some blonde. Bonus.
1:23:27 How lazy is this? She just walking through a theater that happens to be showing clips of the movie.
1:25:13 Wait, the characters are now sitting in the audience watching her sing? Why?
Verdict: Oh jeez that a convoluted mess. There were whole parts of the movie that didn’t even make sense, they kept introducing pointless characters who would not stop moving and squawking, and they completely botched their Act 2 crisis of faith. I couldn’t even figure out why they were trying to get to Barcelona in the first place until they were already there. And Dulcinea ‘s gambit was just pointless. Why didn’t she just go to his house?
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