Netflix Synopsis: This animated family comedy transports Shakespeare's classic tale of forbidden romance between two star-crossed lovers from warring families to the unlikely and irreverent world of garden gnomes.
Because if this story can handle conversion to the streets of New York and into outer space, surely it can handle be transported to your own front yard! And nobody wants new Elton John music!
0:50 Oh, it looks like the play is about to start. Wait, this is a movie.
1:19 They are acknowledging that this story is already been made trite and pointless.
2:01 If this story is being told differently, why are they reading the opening to the Shakespeare play?
2:35 These two people who share a split-level home don’t like each other very much. Oh, and they are named what you think they are named.
3:47 That’s Tybalt. Ug, that’s a terrible Tybalt. At least make him a cat or something.
5:24 Oh, so this is Red vs. Blue, only with dumb lawn gnomes. And everyone British for some reason.
6:01 Is that Michael Fucking Caine?
6:46 Oh, so they are having a lawnmower race. This is a reasonable thing that won’t get noticed.
7:31 Um, this is an OLD Elton John song. I was promised new Elton John. I don’t want it, but it was what I was promised.
8:48 Did that driver just run straight in to that lawnmower? That’s ridiculously dangerous.
9:42 Really mature, Mom. Just egg on this childish feud.
10:17 Thank you, mushroom statue, for disapproving of that pun for me.
11:07 Why did Juliet rescue that fish statue? Oh, so she could borrow the fishing pole.
12:02 NO! You don’t get to do that! First off, that MacBeth reference makes no sense. At least have a lady call him over.
12:58 Where was she just now? And what’s with the random Japanese?
13:59 Hold up, isn’t this the part where he runs into Juliet? But she just left the red garden!
15:02 You didn’t verify your stupid plan with your sidekick before you get here?
16:09 This slowmotion effect is never going to be funny again.
16:50 And he cracks into a dozen pieces, the end.
17:58 I will say I like how they make our star-crossed lovers look ridiculous in this scene, so we know they like each other for reasons beyond hormones.
18:36 Oh, also, it makes it so they can’t tell the other is from the feuding garden.
19:23 Who’s your gnomie? The hell that mean?
19:55 So, is this just a cute game of cat and mouse just for cutesy reasons? Gnomeo doesn’t even want the stupid flower.
21:16 Because otherwise I would have to punch you, woman!
22:11 The frog friend comes to the obvious conclusion that because her friend isn’t completely talkative, she obviously met a boy.
22:27 Wait, a fat belly is a turn-on for lawn gnomes? Gross.
22:53 AAAAHHH! She has a weird hose in her mouth!
24:01 The frog is remarkably chipper about her friend never finding true happiness.
24:21 Yes sure, a Brokeback Mountain reference in this kid’s film.
25:17 I hate the fact that they changed this monologue, but they did an alright job!
25:56 I guess Touchstone is technically owned by Disney.
27:05 Which apparently isn’t that big of deal, because lawn gnomes don’t need to breathe.
28:47 Why would noon not be soon enough?
29:40 How did the lawnmower get back into the garage?
30:54 Hold up, they are scrubbing clean the well? Won’t the human….notice?
31:08 Oh I get it! That’s a computer with a fruit on it!
32:35 That was a pointless scene involving lawnmowers. Sure did waste a lot of time!
34:07 And a cleaning montage. They are just wasting all the time.
34:45 Man this guy is a huge nerd I guess!
36:07 I am kinda mad how well these gnomes get along together. It is a believable love story! About lawn gnomes!
37:40 Because we did not have enough ridiculous characters, here is a flamingo who is vaguely latin.
38:55 Oh, they filled the rusted 20 year old lawnmower with gas. Or Petrol, I suppose.
39:39 “Those dandelions are wishes.”
40:20 So…when does Gnomeo start sparkling?
42:14 Huh? How did a lawn gnome plant the tree?
42:55 Nobody wants to hear your parody version of “Your Song!”
43:20 While we’re at it, an American Beauty reference.
44:05 Why was that gnome naked?
45:54 OH OH! Fantastic racism!
47:00 So…the flamingo had all kinds of crazy adventures at some point? How helpful is this? And who took these pictures?
48:09 I know when one of my trips is cancelled, I make sure to stamp a huge CANCELLED stamped on it.
48:38 Now you are throwing in Shakespeare references for no reason. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern movers?
50:03 Also, we don’t need to eat or anything, cause we’re statues, so survival shouldn’t be that big of issue.
51:25 OH NO Benvolio has been killed oh I guess his hat just got sliced off. That doesn’t seem that bad.
52:26 OH NO Tybalt has actually been killed! That’s kind of a big deal!
52:49 Hold up, I just realized there’s no Mercutio in this story.
53:59 Appropriate reaction to hundreds of lawn gnomes just standing in an alley.
54:30 WHAT?! But…he’s in the title!
55:13 UGGG…Tempest Teapots, everyone. And I guess he’s okay somehow.
55:55 These dramatic remixes of “Saturday Night‘s Alright for Fighting” are just getting more out of place.
57:02 Yeah, those British teenagers, always tossing around….lawn gnomes.
57:18 How is this not the worst thing ever? They literally glued a sentient being to the ground.
58:35 So…is this broken hat gnome going to fill with water during this rainstorm? Oh, he is solid.
59:41 The crushed teapot is still there?
1:00:59 That is the greatest screensaver and I don’t even get it!
1:01:53 Apparently the woman waited an entire day to actually buy the lawnmower and didn’t bother leaving the webpage?
1:03:39 Ah creepy!
1:04:26 And here’s the William Shakespeare statue I heard so much about.
1:05:05 All tragedies are rubbish. Also, Patrick Stewart needs a few hundred bucks apparently.
1:06:54 Or maybe you can understand that continued revenge plots actually led to more suffering or oh never mind.
1:08:43 Why is the screen still shaking? It’s an annoying effect.
1:09:43 Boy, gravity sure is an omnipresent threat when you are made out of porcelain.
1:10:23 Wait, the lawnmower is sentient too? But…I thought only statues applied in this dumb universe.
1:11:45 Boy it sure is amazing how every single gnome survived that explosion!
1:12:53 Oh fuck you naked gnome!
1:14:04 Man they sure went a long with them trying to trick us into thinking they were dead! What assholes.
1:14:41 Suck it Shakespeare! What do you know? Greatest writer of all time my ass!
1:15:22 Do you guys like dance scenes? I sure hope so, because that’s how every CGI movie released in America ends!
1:16:08 Tybalt’s alive? That negates all the drama!
1:16:44 Oh, and apparently a website exists that will bring the flamingo’s lover back to him pretty much immediately. Fuck happy endings!
1:17:40 Really? Elton John was involved in this project? I couldn’t tell.
1:17:59 Also, like a dozen writers, but no surprise there.
1:18:40 This is super weird though, giving credit to the people who actually animated it before the voice actors.
1:19:00 Wait, the character’s name was actually “Bill Shakespeare.” Well that’s just stupid. Also, Ozzy Osbourne was in this, apparently.
1:22:53 Lady Gaga sang in this?
Verdict: That ending was dumb as shit, and managed to negate all the good will I had up until then. Having everything end up okay after all just negates the point, but you knew that. I was amazed how believable the two mains were, and some of the little vignettes were kinda funny, but they were spinning all the wheels in this one. And how did they pull such talent to show and talk in boxes?
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