You mad, Superman? Because Darkseid burned your farm and knows your secret identity and also maybe killed your cousin. And he looks so dang smug about it too. Man, he even got Batman to show his teeth!
LAST TIME: Supergirl was brainwashed by Darkseid, and all our heroes went to save her. Batman finally earns his title credit by blackmailing Darkseid to let her go, and Darkseid does, except then he totally goes back on his word and ends up killing her instead. What an asshole.
Page 1, Panel 1: DARKSEID! Yo, Darkseid, where are you going? Didn’t you have a plan? Weren’t you here to kill Superman?
Page 1, Panel 3: Um, actually, he can blame you, because you disintegrated her with your eyebeams. I think he’s going to blame you.
Page 2, Panel 1: OH SHIT Superman said a swear!
Page 4, Panel 3: Tall for her age? What the hell are you talking about? How do you know how tall female Kryptonians usually are, Superman?
Page 4, Panel 5: There you go, Darkseid. You remembered. You have eyebeams.
Page 5: That are easily deflected by Wonder Woman’s bracelets. Hm.
Page 6, Panel 2: Yeah! How dare you save his life, Wonder Woman! What a bitch.
Page 7, Panel 4: I would complain about how ridiculous clichéd this is, but the human aspect of Superman and the things he likes about Earth, it’s kinda a nice touch.
Page 7, Panel 5: And then he throws Darkseid into the sun!
Page 9, Panel 3: Oh never mind, sun fight. They are comparing notes about how life is different on Apokolips. You see, on Apokolips, they walk like this, while on Earth…
Page 11, Panel 1: Who the hell is this “they” you keep talking about, Batman? Because I sure don’t remember an origin story in which Superman isn’t anyone but a beloved member of society.
Page 11, Panel 2: Did they call her Supergirl at all before now? Why wouldn’t he still be calling her Kara?
Page 12, Panel 1: That’s right Superman. That is the Source Wall. Sure am curious how you knew how to get here.
Page 13, Panel 4: So, you’re just going to jam him in the Source Wall and just hope that he doesn’t think to stand up and leave? Great plan. Why don’t you sing a song at him next?
Page 15, Panel 1: Martian Manhunter hates driving nails!
Page 15, Panel 2: Oh hey, I hadn’t even noticed that a tractor got broke in the last issue. Nice continuity. Although I really want to see the reaction of the poor tractor salesman when Hal Jordan walks in saying that he’d like to make a purchase.
Page 17, Panel 1: Okay, sure, you guys can start explaining how she’s still alive any minute now.
Page 17, Panel 5: Ah okay, this was all a set-up to get Darkseid to attack them, and he did so because he could totally see what was happening on Earth with his extra dimensional space telescope. This was a stupid plan and I don’t know why it worked.
Page 18, Panel 1: WAIT! Hang on! Go back! How did you teleport Supergirl to Themyscira? Because none of the main players in this have teleportation powers and they didn’t foreshadow that at all.
Page 18, Panel 4: OKAY! THANK YOU! I seriously thought you dummies forgot.
Page 19, Panel 1: Boy, aren’t you going to be in for a big surprise, Batsy, because guess who really is actually alive! That’s right! Jason Todd! And you seem pretty cool with it in the main series!
Page 19, Page 5: Does…does she have any other clothes? This was the same outfit she was wearing weeks ago.
Page 20, Panel 1: Hey, group shot! Let’s see, Teen Titans, JSA, JLA, the…Outsiders. So, nobody I care about. Neat. Although I can’t figure out why Mr. and Mrs. Hawkman are levitating. Are they not allowed to touch the ground?
Page 20, Panel 3: Well, I’m pretty sure Superman could handle a nuclear blast, so no, but really, don’t diss on Plastic Man.
Page 20, Panel 4: Did Stargirl just say “I rock” in response to hearing her name? How narcissistic is she?
Page 22: Oh…right…this came out right around the time Christopher Reeves died. Well, that was nice of them to recognize him here. I greatly remember the skirted Superman suit he tastefully wore in the third movie.
Verdict: Um, yeah, I knew that was going to happen, I just didn’t know if would be so clumsily done. I mean, they really tried to make me believe she had died in a dozen pages in which Superman refused to shut up, but it also required Superman to LIE! Superman does not do tricks. Batman does tricks. Stop misunderstanding these dumb characters. Gah, whatever, it’s done. Welcome, Supergirl. Can't wait until you're completely different again next month.
*Superman/Batman and all associated characters are property of DC Comics.
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