Oh man! Have you guys been waiting in anticipation for the past three months about what would happen? Oh wait, it’s only been a week, because we are watching this after the fact. So, let’s catch up, shall we?
LAST TIME: FBI Guy was fired, because he did something really stupid, the Magician Guy was kidnapped because he admitted that his actions killed more people than Hitler, and everyone else is just holding on, hoping that their plotlines get to advance anytime soon. Seriously? They expect me to care about those two guys? I hate those guys! More Nurse Guy!
0:27 I trust everything I see on the news!
1:26 “He was already unconscious when the blackout hit.” Because that's how all windowashers are. What do they believe in, am I right?
2:52 Everyone! Everywhere! Despite their respective timezones!
3:42 Did you dummies forget the premise of this show? Well here it is again!
4:33 Just once, I’m like someone to say, “That guy I was telling the story about, was that guy over there. In the back. Stand up!”
5:48 Bill. Bill the Security Guard. He died for his sins?
7:11 Wait, you get a Bureau mandated therapist when you get fired from the FBI? I want to get fired for the FBI! (Wait what?)
7:53 This song is wildly inappropriate, thanks.
8:25 “What are you doing here?” I’m providing wind power with my gigantic ears! (I’m sorry Charlie, they are enormous.)
9:14 That’s right, Doctor Lady gave a HUG to a guy who was not her husband. A HUG!
10:44 Why do hostages always scream?
11:14 Um, no, if he’s dehydrated, he should drink some water. Don’t buy into Gatorade’s marketing scheme, kidnapper.
12:06 This is super insane. Why is everyone in this scene wearing fake angel wings?
13:06 What? A character we don’t know or care about burned something we don’t know or care about? Scandal? (Also, there's a third sister? Wait...that's not Beardo's wife. So the Babysitter isn't related to him after all? Then who the hell is she and why does she know everyone? And where the hell is her boyfriend from the first episode?)
14:44 Yes, Al Gough did do that. It was pretty shocking. And you know Al Gough how?
15:38 Why is Charlie suddenly working for the FBI? I thought he was a bad guy.
16:08 Ah, this is a super sassy psychiatrist who doesn’t play by the rules!
17:41 Hahahaha! What? There is a drug specifically designed to make people remember all of their flashforwards? That’s ridiculous.
18:44 I don’t have time to get up to get a beer from the fridge. But I do have time to explain why you have to get me a beer from the fridge.
19:28 There are creepy men with masks in the kitchen!
21:20 That’s right, I’m going to sing the theme song to the really shitty TV show that all the people under 12 watch in this universe. That’ll really get the autistic kid to like me.
22:23 When does this guy from Hong Kong get hit by a train?
23:38 I am so glad to see you, but not because I have any emotional attraction towards you! I hope you’re not disappointed!
24:40 You gave this detective a description of your future murderer two months ago? Why hasn't that plot point been touched on at all?
25:06 Hey, how’s it going? I’m a paid extra! Have you heard about this thing that will advance your plot? Here you go! Off to get my SAG card!
26:54 You told him to sit before you provided him a chair? What a dick.
27:21 Flosso? That is not a name anyone would ever choose for themselves.
29:01 That’s the second thing you check for? Ligature marks?
29:42 I was about to throw a fit about the fact that this therapist has drugs, until I remember the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists, and it's all okay.
30:40 Wait a fucking minute, I thought Charlie’s flashforward was drowning the Babysitter. Who is this guy? Who is he choking?
32:02 Oh man, are those Mighty Muggs on the windowsill? I love those things.
32:51 What? I happen to have a very veiny arm! Get over it!
35:05 A thunderstorm, in Los Angeles. You’d think they’d happen more often as often as you see them in movies and stuff.
35:45 Oh man, they owe big money to Disney for this clip.
36:49 And…Beardo knows who Magician Man is because….?
37:52 Wasn’t he fired? How is he back in the FBI office just hanging out?
39:01 “How many people here have gotten sunburned on a cloudy day?” Um…nearly nobody? Unless they were playing tennis or at the beach or something? I don’t know…
40:13 If you want to talk about your problems later, there’s a coffee shop nearby…I find you fairly attractive. Just saying.
41:53 I appreciate the duality of the word ‘sacrifice’ because I’m a goddamn pyschopath.
Verdict: Well that was supercrazy! Two people in direct relation with the FBI getting kidnapped doesn't even get noticed? FBI guy is still on the force despite being fired? Babysitter finally visits Sanctuary even though she learned about it three episodes ago? And I have no idea why this is a two part episode, because it didn't cliffhanger in a meaningful way. And I don’t get Flosso at all!
*FlashForward is available on Netflix InstantWatch and Hulu. FlashForward is property of the American Broadcasting Company.
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