FlashForward - Episode 12: "Revelation Zero, Part 2"

You guys remember part 1, right? Where a couple of knobs we don’t care about were kidnapped and it turns out the FBI guy was just kinda fired, and the babysitter went to a meeting? Yeah, that was super interesting. Totally worth a two part episode. I mean, our big episode ending cliffhanger is that Charlie, a character who has been nothing but an amoral pillock, might be having his fingers cut off. Good! Screw that guy.

LAST TIME: See above, dummy. Seriously, you just jump straight to the LAST TIME paragraph?

0:18 Wait wait wait, I missed the line in the last episode where the boss said he was doing his best to get FBI Guy reinstated. You were the one who fired him, jackass.

0:36 Oh Flosso, your name will never be not stupid.

1:12 Why did babysitter need to invite Nurse Guy to come meet with the cult leader? Does she have a backup for all her dates?

1:58 Why did he stack the creamers?

2:29 Wait, Sanctuary is about Jesus? Since when?

3:04 For a second, he looked like he was sweeping sugar into his purse. Then I remembered she asked him to get the change in pennies. Then I remembered the whole scene was kinda stupid.

4:30 And now Nurse Guy is going to meet the babysitter’s crazy mother.

4:48 Oh god that’s why they needed the pennies!

5:50 What, you're creating a scary penny wall as tribute for your daughter and you never bothered to tell her?!

6:11 No, no it does not. She is a crazy person.

6:58 “I come bearing gifts.” It’s a cheese log. I give a cheese log to all my hostages.

8:15 They generated more than a quadrillion electron volts?! This super excitizzzz. Must by why they intercut this scene police running around.

9:10 Late after explosion title card!

10:09 Oh crap Nurse Guy is going to beat up the cult guy!

11:36 So…FBI guy literally rode up and found where they were keeping the guys, and then instead of investigating, just drives away?

12:40 It sure was dramatically convenient for them that they had FBI guy be drunk in his flashforward so they could just randomly add elements to it when they needed to.

13:42 How did he manage to get into position to kick through his side window in his 4-door coupe?

15:04 Written by Quinton Peeples. That is someone’s literal name.

15:17 Is Flosso a fucking ghost? How did people not notice him get into the ambulance?

16:04 Hey, it was Charlie who was awake during the blackout. And for some reason he was at a Detroit Tigers game.

16:44 He went to the Tigers game immediately after a goddamn funeral?

17:31 Oh, he was blackmailed into going. That makes even less sense.

18:30 That was nice of the blackmailers. They bought him popcorn.

18:46 Oh…the Makluan rings let you stay conscious during the blackouts.

19:23 Ah! The mascot was standing right behind him! A…kangaroo mascot?

20:56 Stop staring at yourself dramatically in the mirror and get back in bed.

21:26 Oh he did get his finger cut off. Poor guy.

22:23 Well, sorry to say, but it is now illegal to be kidnapped and tortured. Martial law is a bitch.

23:18 Um…he did. He works for the FBI and is trying to stop a second blackout. Stop being snippy.

24:34 He’s going to steal your gun! Don’t fall for it! He’s going to steal your gun!

25:11 Yeah, dummy, he was goddamn faking the allergic reaction.

25:34 And…he flew to Toronto, which looks like the inside of a warehouse in a 90’s martial arts movie.

26:52 His sister ran away from home? When? When did he have time to find out about that after being kidnapped?

28:00 Wait, he actually lives in Canada? Why does he have an English accent?

28:57 Oh, the runaway thing happened months ago, and that’s why he keeps traveling. By train.

30:36 And Simon gets away and goes somewhere else for like the third or fourth time. This is getting silly.

31:12 Hey, welcome, have you seen my cat? Only every time you’ve been here? Oh…well then.

32:11 And she finds him. AGAIN. We did this exact same scene seven minutes ago!

33:20 Wait, so thrusting everyone’s consciousness forward in time is totally scientifically possible, but keeping your thoughts here is impossible?

34:40 Ug…stop setting Charlie up as a nice guy and trying to show chemistry. She is a lesbian. Lesbian.

35:34 So…Flosso is actually Charlie’s uncle? Why are they not punching the crap out of each other?

36:13 Yeah, didn’t want to let his high IQ go to waste in England! Screw England!

37:39 And this secret organization had Charlie’s father killed, so that he would have an alibi, despite the fact that he didn’t have anything to do with it and didn’t know it was happening.

39:23 What the motherfuck is going on? The sister was kidnapped? How pointlessly evil is this secret organization?

40:41 The professor is dead too. That’s three goddamn people they’ve killed that we just met.

41:26 I’m going to kill you by lightly pushing on your chest! You have emphysema, so that’ll work.

42:19 And Flosso is dead. Everyone is dead! Nurse Guy, dead! Gina Torres’ character who disappeared, dead! The kangaroo, dead!

Verdict: I sure hope you like dead bodies! Because they were on a goddamn murder spree this episode. Turns out Charlie is strongly involved and also a complete psychopath, and the evil organization behind it all is more than willing to just go about murdering everybody for no reason whatsoever. To keep Charlie in line? He was in line before you started with the wholesale slaughter! Also, how is he not arrested yet? He’s killed three dudes this episode.

*FlashForward is available on Netflix InstantWatch and Hulu. FlashForward is property of the American Broadcasting Company.