LAST TIME: The government decides to give an insane megalomaniac even more power, because why not, Not-Batman beats up an actor from the 70’s who is currently playing a pimp, and some guy named Redstone I guess shows up to punch people.
Page 1, Panel 1: These background folks are amazing. This man cannot believe what he is seeing!
Page 2, Panel 1: Who’s "they"?
Page 2, Panel 4: Why is she wearing that? She was just sitting at home! Chilling!
Page 3, Panel 3: Oh heavens why am I standing so close to this guy?
Page 4, Panel 1: There are still people in the pool?! You figured this little scuffle would not devolve into violence? Superheroes!
Page 5, Panel 3: See?! I told you, you should have gotten out of there. Now your skin is melting off.
Page 5, Panel 5: You are heartless and that statement doesn’t make any sense. Also, this is gross.
Page 6, Panel 6: Um…an old-timey periscope? A picture of a dead sailor’s wife? The ghost of Davy Jones himself?
Page 7, Panel 1: Oh okay, a nuclear missile. Yeah, that’ll help you breathe in space.
Page 8, Panel 5: Wow, the villains have worse motivations than the heroes.
Page 9, Panel 1; What happened to that guy? He couldn’t have been in the pool, because everyone in the pool goddamn died. Maybe it’s a guy who has gross skin problems for unrelated reasons?
Page 9, Panel 4: Do eyelasers only work on other eyes? I think this guy should invest in sunglasses, this keeps happening to him.
Page 10, Panel 1: You don’t cook sushi on a broiler! Isn’t sushi typically raw? What the hell kind of insult is this?
Page 10, Panel 4: Also, his shirt keeps vanishing and changing shoulders. In other words, this is crap.
Page 11, Panel 4: He…he programmed his nuclear bomb to react to his whistling? How is that, what is what?
Page 11, Panel 5: Or like a arcade machine, you disgusting creep. What porn booths are you going to that take quarters?
Page 12, Panel 3: Listen, Steve Buscemi, you had plenty of time to get out of your car. This is your fault.
Page 12, Panel 4: Blah blah blah business talk blah blah merger blah blah
Page 13, Panel 1: An entire car flying through this window seems like just the distraction I need to try and grope my secretary.
Page 14, Panel 4: RUN AWAY YOU STUPID PEOPLE! It has been minutes! Why are you standing anywhere near the superpowered people.
Page 15, Panel 2: Holy crap he just punched through that old guy’s chest.
Page 15, Panel 3: You blinded him, you dummie. He can’t watch anything.
Page 17, Panel 1: In what universe does anyone move like this? What is she doing? Why is she falling like that?
Page 19, Panel 1: Oh yeah, that’s logical. Why not hide your bomb in a van parked nearby you could easily destroy during your goddamn rampage. It’s a nuclear bomb! Hide it literally anywhere! Also, I thought he was blind?
Page 20, Panel 5: What kind of bomb counts up?
Page 22, Panel 1: Hurray she exploded! And the world will end in a nuclear winter, judging by how goddamn large this explosion is.
Page 23, Panel 1: He wanted to have sex with the bomb? (ba dum chee)
Page 24, Panel 1: Great line not-Batman. Real clever. Also, no thanks, I will not be following this story anywhere.
Verdict: You see, you know it’s a mature comic because all those stupid innocent people died. This was just gross and over the top, and none of it made sense. Where was the rest of the team? Why did Whizzer even bother to get not-Batman? He actually brought a bomb? And that was literally the last issue of this series? Well whatever, it’s fucking over now, good, I hated this.
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