Netflix Synopsis: When a wolf threatens the safety of a tiny Russian village, young outcast Peter -- whose only friend is a duck -- becomes an unlikely hero in this masterful, dialogue-free adventure set to Sergei Prokofiev's classic 1936 score. Filmmaker Suzie Templeton transplants the action of the classic folktale to contemporary Russia, which she illustrates with beguiling stop-motion animation. The film won the 2008 Oscar for Best Animated Short.
Beguiling? I have not seen the word beguiling outside the context of Magic: The Gathering. Who still says that? Also, yah no dialogue, I can talk through the whole thing!
0:09 Meanwhile, in terror land, also known as Russia.
1:03 I did not know you could pick a lock within five seconds with a piece of wood.
2:04 Is…is that a car? Is this set in the modern era?
2:25 It is! Graffiti and highways and everything. I’m confused how this will work. Also…I can’t read!
3:16 I admire this kid’s determination to hang onto the balloon a crazy bearded man gave him.
4:25 Yeah, whatever crow. You are just looking for attention.
5:03 Well, I just stole your keys from you, but I want to feel your sweet beard.
5:50 You guys know this song, right? You…you know this song.
6:34 The crow can’t fly because its wings are entwined with the string. How hard is this for him to figure out?
7:29 Well, I successfully snuck out of the village, but I see no harm in going back for no reason.
8:15 Here you go, buddy. You’ll be dead within two minutes, tops.
8:50 DUUUURRR.
9:26 How do I make ice?
10:48 Cat. Come on. Pounce when you are in range of your target. You are a dumb cat.
11:29 When embarrassed…strut.
12:08 Man, this guy is a late sleeper! One in the afternoon. It take some real effort for me to get to 1 p.m.
13:10 So…beardy found him and is taking him back to camp almost immediately? What is the tension here exactly?
14:20 This kid should really hang with girls more often. I think he would do alright. (Also, like ten full seconds of just staring from him.)
14:45 Oh shit a wolf FOR NO REASON!
15:40 Fat cat escapes wolf by technicality, goose still standing on the ice like a dumbass.
16:12 WELP! He’s dead!
16:44 After seeing his pet die, he considers maybe taking up painting, or pottery.
17:31 Man, this kid always looks like he is going to beat the shit out of absolutely everyone.
18:30 This evening, the part of the fat cat will be played by Obelix.
19:35 Hey, stupid crow who got himself entangled with a ballon! Do something! The person you met three hours ago demands it!
20:40 That is a poor basketball hoop, Peter.
21:02 I didn’t think this through!
21:51 It’s good the net was rigged to explode. Wait, why did the net jump into the wolf’s face?
22:30 The secondary characters note that this conflict is goddamn pointless.
23:13 I’m going to assume these two hunters are at least 10 miles away from the action.
23:47 Or…they showed up for no reason and did nothing. Thanks guys!
24:33 Meanwhile, BEARS!
25:09 If that sign doesn’t read “Pornography” I will be disappointed.
25:59 So…they captured the wolf instead of shot it? Where did the get the cage? Why did they do this? Do they have any reason at all to be doing anything?
26:55 Sir, maybe grow all of your mustache. Half a mustache is entirely a mistake.
27:27 HAHA! I dropped a net on you, guy who was mean to me! In no way will you retaliate!
28:16 WHY DID HE RELEASE THE WOLF!?
28:52 …………………Wwwwwwwhattt?
29:45 Oh hey! The Philharmonic Orchestra! Once again providing us with quality…wait a minute. This is the Philharmonia Orchestra? That is a different organization entire! What a ripoff!
31:11 Gaffer: Jaroslaw Bedyk. This is super-Russian alright.
Verdict: I didn’t get it! The plot was nonsense, a character died for no reason, and I do not understand why Peter let the wolf go in the end. Why? What for? Why a wolf in the first place? Why did those hunters show up and do absolutely nothing? And why won’t the kid stop staring at me?!
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