LAST TIME: EXPLOSIONS! Then the heroine went to a party with an asshole, and in what has to been the stupidest idea ever, decided getting naked in front of her enemy was better than just grabbing the thing she was after and running out the window or something.
Page 2, Panel 2: Hey, God’s Gift to Women, it’s typically poor form to start with this line.
Page 2, Panel 3: I think they’re talking in code again!
Page 2, Panel 6: The little person has robot arms somehow!
Page 3, Panel 1: Get it, “Dangerous Curves?” Because there are sexy ladies naked in this one! It took you guys three issues for you guys to name one this.
Page 4, Panel 2: Manimal! Starring Simon MacCorkindale as Dr. Jonathan Chase.
Page 4, Panel 3: Yeah, if you didn’t want to see this fatass naked, maybe don’t pretend to be a prostitute and strip down for him.
Page 4, Panel 4: Say, you look familiar? Do you have the same face as every single other woman in this comic?
Page 5, Panel 2: And now, for your pleasure, an incomprehensible fight scene.
Page 5, Panel 4: Mister Microphone? Is that a thing?
Page 6, Panel 4: Some guy we’ve never seen before decides to shoot Barracuda is the middle of a crowded room for some reason. Don’t bother to establish your characters, really, it’s fine.
Page 6, Panel 6: His name is Karloff, apparently.
Page 6, Panel 9: Terrible pun alert.
Page 7, Panel 3: Despite having no reason to assume foul play in this room, we’re going to charge and start firing our guns anyway! Because guns are exciting!
Page 7, Panel 9: Why do villains even have chandeliers?
Page 9, Panel 2: The scouts are from Germany. (We don’t really care what language the bad guys are speaking. If they aren’t saying anything important, just translate the text into German.)
Page 9, Panel 3: Because marble is known for being easily tarnished?
Page 9, Panel 5: The twins are staring at a penis and being ridiculously fay about it.
Page 10, Panel 4: Oh lord it’s hard to be humble.
Page 12, Panel 2: Good plan guys! Use the priceless shield you’re trying to steal to deflect the bullets. Fine work.
Page 13,Panel 2: And this asshole tried to feel her up in the middle of a chase. When does he die?
Page 13, Panel 5: Hey what’s up I jumped off a 30 foot cliff on top of you! You’d think that might affect the trajectory of the snowmobile in the slightest way, but NOPE!
Page 15-16: BLANDVALANCE! (Not worth a two page spread at all.)
Page 17, Panel 6: Well them Duke boys rented a snowmobile and blah blah blah
Page 18, Panel 6: Oh look they’re okay. I didn’t expect that at all.
Page 18, Panel 8: We know what GPS is, stupid. This book came out in 2002. It had existed for just under a decade at this point.
Page 19, Panel 2: What the hell happened to their clothes? If they were completely soaked, I’d understand, but they are wearing their underwear…
Page 19, Panel 4: This guy has been nothing but the biggest tool on the planet since minute one, why is the heroine even considering kissing him?
Page 20, Panel 1: Surprise! It’s me! Just interrupting the kiss like always happens!
Page 20, Panel 4: Captain Caveman? Why would anyone under the age of 30 ever use that reference? Why do I get that reference?
Page 21, Panel 2: Threats of similar stolen shields? How many ancient bulletproof ancient shields could there possibly be?
Page 21, Panel 4: Oh shit, the prospector CCG player is an actual character now! I’m excited.
Page 22, Panel 2: Wait, so, is it a card game or a computer game? Why would the creator of the game be playing online and trash talking like a 14-year-old?
Page 22, Panel 3: You’re going to give him a sack of gold for messing with you? That’s nice of you!
Page 22, Panel 4: Seriously, this is the jockiest comic book, they just won’t stop with the nerd shaming. And why is he dressed like a cowboy? He's English!
Page 23, Panel 1: Evil air attendant, the Robot Fuhrer, and the Lightning Face assassin. Our villains!
Verdict: The snow chase scene did not need to be that long, it was such padding. While I am interesting why this Richard Garfield expy is apparently important to these not-quite-Nazis, I have a feeling I will hate this guy. Also, I really hope we go 8-for-8 for vehicles ramping off something into midair, we are halfway there already.
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