Simon Dark - Issue 1: “What Simon Does”

Okay, time to move onto DC’s sister company, some good old Vertigo horror stories not fit for their main universe. What’s that? This is a main line book? Released during the heyday of Countdown? Existing in the same city as Batman? Well hell, that’s something.

So, this is Simon Dark. He’s named after a nursery rhyme native to Gotham City. Apparently there are a lot of those. I don’t understand how nursery rhymes can be native to a city. I also know nothing else about him, besides that he looks creepy and I hate him.

Day Break - Episode 4: “What If He Can Change the Day”

WHAT IF INDEED! Man, that would completely change the dynamics of the show. Except what day would he change it to? How would it still make sense if he did that?

LAST TIME: Taye managed to pick up his mail and decided that it’ll probably be okay if he doesn’t protect his girlfriend at all times, because again, day resets. Also some stuff about some meeting he has to go to and some lady he needs to protect, it’s a little confusing.

Peter and the Wolf

I want to watch something that is supposed to be good, and also that is very short. So…this one won an Oscar. Not nominated, like that absurd pile Gulliver’s Travel. Here’s Peter and the Wolf. Get your clarinet ready.

Netflix Synopsis: When a wolf threatens the safety of a tiny Russian village, young outcast Peter -- whose only friend is a duck -- becomes an unlikely hero in this masterful, dialogue-free adventure set to Sergei Prokofiev's classic 1936 score. Filmmaker Suzie Templeton transplants the action of the classic folktale to contemporary Russia, which she illustrates with beguiling stop-motion animation. The film won the 2008 Oscar for Best Animated Short.

Beguiling? I have not seen the word beguiling outside the context of Magic: The Gathering. Who still says that? Also, yah no dialogue, I can talk through the whole thing!

Rosario + Vampire - Episode 8: "Math and a Vampire"

Okay, I really need to know! How can MATH led to a monster fight that will require the assistance of an extremely powerful vampire? Is this school so dangerous that the mere act of doing your homework puts you in mortal peril?

LAST TIME: Our hero is once again the target of teenage love, because he is just the coolest guy, you know? Of course, this one turns out to be an actual teenage girl, i.e. extremely insecure and suicidal, and to make it worse she has horrific ice powers. But she’s saved and turns around her glum attitude without any therapy! Convenient.

Squadron Supreme - Issue 7: "Turnabout"

Yeah you know what this looks like. Don’t make me say it.

LAST TIME: The government decides to give an insane megalomaniac even more power, because why not, Not-Batman beats up an actor from the 70’s who is currently playing a pimp, and some guy named Redstone I guess shows up to punch people.