NetFlix Synopsis: Endowed with powers equal to Superman's, Supergirl splashes down on Earth in the midst of a hail of Kryptonite. No sooner has she landed than the problems begin for the Caped Crusader, who must rescue her when Darkseid nabs her. To thwart Darkseid's plans to make Supergirl one of his Female Furies, Batman must join forces with Superman to confront the powerful enemies Darkseid has assembled around his control center in Apokolips.
Wait, there was a hail of Kryptonite? How? Did the dust from planet Krypton finally get here? And why is it Batman’s job to take care of her? She’s Supergirl. Ask for Superman’s help, dummy. They have the same name!
0:42 Gotham City PD! We have like ten fucking blimps!
1:12 Ho ho I thought that was Batman!
1:36 Meanwhile, there has been no comment from Batman, about anything. Just letting you know.
2:27 What else could the large explosion have been? You live in a world with hundreds of superheroes! Pick a thing!
3:28 Wait, the pod holding Supergirl came down in a Kryptonite meteorite? How is she still alive?
4:38 Ah man! Not the Batboat! Now how will Batman get to the stolen yacht?
5:10 Wonder Woman’s in this too, by the way. Don’t know why she doesn’t get a name drop or anything.
5:32 Oh shit Ed Asner’s in this. That means Granny Goodness is also in this.
6:44 Oh shit you thought this would zoom out to show Superman but then there were some boobs!
7:17 The adaptation is surprisingly accurate so far. They even have that dumb line about Kryptonian sounding like Swedish.
8:12 And now, like the tenth "Supergirl gets hit by a car" scene.
8:56 Okay, superhero flying doesn’t work that way. You don’t suddenly just lose contact with gravity.
9:52 Okay, if your blimp can’t handle a 90-pound girl running into it, maybe work on your blimp.
10:51 Would you like a Kryptonite cookie?
11:15 Random computer sounds.
12:25 Wait, that computer only cost $50,000 dollars? It could do body scans and stuff!
13:35 Krypto! What’s up buddy?
14:59 Holy crap, Superman has dinosaurs? Since when?
16:11 When exactly did Krypton explode? Because a lot of people sure did get away.
17:11 OH BURN! Take that Batman! A teenage girl implied you had no heart! Don’t go crying into your Haagen-daaz later.
17:54 Okay Ed, you are not even trying to sound like a lady.
18:50 Yep, this sure is a two minute long fight scene with a whole bunch of people we definitely don’t care about.
19:20 Oh man! She totally died! I thought this was a cartoon.
20:14 Harbinger! How are you? Nice to see you here. Sure hope you didn’t expect anyone to know who you were.
21:01 On account of being called the Fortress of Solitude!
21:27 Oh hell. Is there really a shopping montage?
22:57 Haha! That’s a wiener dog with a bun on it! Oh, that never gets old!
24:13 Oh man! The eagle statue is here too! Hello again eagle statue!
24:56 Superman took about three seconds of looking around before giving up and immediately getting hit.
25:39 Turn off the eyebeams! It’s not like a laser gun!
26:20 There’s a good reason she can’t stay, but I won’t tell you, or the audience, so just get over it.
27:08 Ah, beautiful Themyscira. Where you still must be surprised that ladies are doing man things all the time. Women don’t normally blacksmith!
28:21 Artemis. Still wearing the ridiculous one legged jumpsuit.
29:59 And she immediately decided to go shopping or something.
30:53 What visions? Whose visions? How visions?
31:41 I like how these two characters don’t look like the exact same person like they did in the comic book.
32:40 Doomsdays’ about to run a train on you!
33:04 Hey, what’s up, faceless army, just got here, ready in like ten seconds.
33:32 Batman with an axe!
33:44 Okay, why did they foley in the sound of a preteen birthday party for the Amazon army charging?
34:53 Wait, batarangs explode? Since when?
36:14 We were given more seconds of random trees burning down than the Doomsday army getting disintegrated.
37:53 It is? Why does Darkseid want Superman on Apokolips?
38:23 Ah! Gross centipede!
38:48 That is a really unconvincing walking animation.
39:29 Are they trying to imply that this is a normal neighborhood? I wasn’t getting that impression.
40:15 HAHA! Batman was already in the house!
41:35 Could we not have the sexy silhouette of Big Barda dressing up?
42:08 Holy crap a joke! I haven’t heard one of those yet!
42:54 Nice backpack, Batman.
43:46 Superman will punch the fire out of his way!
44:57 Maybe don’t park your death tank next to the bottomless pit, huh?
45:30 Wait, are they implying that they actually have a plan? They seemed to just wander around aimlessly in the comic book.
46:17 And…a short scene to make sure they pass the Bechtel test, and back to the plot.
46:58 Because we’re on Apokolips, you see, and it’s pretty damn hellish. What with looking exactly like hell and all.
47:55 Great plan, suicide drones. Just…flying into him. That will surely take out Superman.
48:28 Oh shit lasso fight! Two lassos, no waiting.
49:20 Oh no! The jetpack that Batman shouldn’t have is broken!
49:52 Oh neat, Batman has the new Kindle Fire.
50:30 What? That was Superman’s challenge? Survive an explosion? He does that every single day!
52:14 Oh crap, that’s a neat implication. That they actually wanted to rope in Wonder Woman instead.
52:54 Well, he’s given her a bikini top and redid her hair style. It seems pretty obvious.
54:06 I loved this scene in the book, and in motion it is so much better. Batman walks out of a dog’s mouth and demands everyone get naked! Classic.
56:08 Hey what’s up, surprise Superman. I’m behind you, by the way.
56:48 I must clap my hands at you!
58:36 This again. Well, at least everything is okay! I’ll ignore there’s like 20 minutes left!
1:00:12 Why so old looking, Superman?
1:01:23 Boy, the sudden plot twist coming up is going to feel even more manipulative and padding than it did before. Let’s get to it already…
1:02:17 No. I’m Batman. (Seriously, I can just repeat the same jokes from last time. It’s that close.)
1:02:59 Yes, where anyone can be themselves. In the middle of ultra-conservative Kansas.
1:03:39 What’s up? Chicken! Check me out.
1:04:42 Oh look. Darkseid completely ruining his entrance again. (slow clap)
1:05:24 Don’t you use eyebeams on me! I’m just going to grab the hell out of your head! I have huge hands!
1:06:22 Oh no chickens! Run!
1:06:56 So hey, Supergirl is still standing and fighting Darkseid! This is new! I like this!
1:07:50 Those are some calm fucking cows.
1:08:44 Noooo!!!!!
1:09:15 Oh yeah! You do not just walk away from a Superfight.
1:10:14 You know, Darkseid keeps firing those Omega beams and they continue not to do much. Are you sure they were working, man?
1:11:14 And Darkseid gets pushed back through the boom tube, because that will…stop him? Does he not have a backup?
1:11:50 Wait, he taught her to reconfigure Boom Tubes? Where on the brainwash agenda was that? Before or after lunch?
1:12:30 You want to kick total ass! Go Supergirl!
1:13:18 “I’m a good pounder.”
1:13:37 Oh…no superhero group shot. Just a bunch of amazons. Guess they couldn’t get the rights.
1:14:13 Why is there one random disco dancer in the crowd of Amazons?
Verdict: That was fine! I loved that they changed the ending to make Kara an actual character who got to kick ass and be smart and stuff rather than just a constant McGuffin for Superman. The art was not as good as the original, but man it couldn’t have been, and the voice acting was poor, but it worked. Yeah, if you want to see the old Supergirl origin, this is the way to see it. Only problem being that it’s now obsolete….
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