NONE YOU SAY? I don’t see why you’d think I would make that comparison. Seriously guys, at least change the bad guy at least. Haven’t you ever heard of MadLibs?
0:04 Chop Kick Panda: You bought the wrong one, Gramma.
0:46 “A legend so legendary, that his legend was legendary.”
1:15 What’s up, not Seth Rogan?
1:49 Wait hang the hell on? Wasn’t this a computer animated film? Because this is traditional cartoon so far.
2:30 Mighty warrior needs food badly!
2:48 Okay, this line was crap the last time I heard it two minutes ago. Don’t repeat it.
3:05 Wait what? This panda is a father?
3:33 “There is no observational evidence for wormholes.”
4:52 Why did he throw so many confusing adjectives in front of the word “future.”
5:42 Just standing on boxes! Like you do.
6:27 That’s the big deal? Allowing his children to come to the dojo where he’s janitor?
7:04 This evil tiger warrior sure is a pretty swell dude so far. When does he flip his shit?
7:37 Unless the guy with the sword is left-handed…
8:05 OH MY GOD! I was about to make a joke about how he stole all his dumb koans from a book, and then a book suddenly appeared!
8:41 Oh here’s the evil tiger. Okay. Maybe not have two tigers?
9:23 Man, the poor guy who got this job right after he got his master’s degree in creative writing is trying way too hard.
10:04 Hang on what? But…the walls are already chartreuse…
10:33 Maybe not discuss what to name the town until you’ve actually conquered it?
11:25 Nobody wins against Mr. Clean! I’m pretty sure he’s a genie.
11:49 Are they going to have a sleepover?
13:04 Oh good, they introduced a silent character. I can’t wait for him to say something.
13:17 Literal drum roll in the score.
14:10 Ah…the good old ‘failing to breaking board with your hands’ routine. It is never not incredibly dull.
14:55 Haha that joke was funny on account of a character laughing at it!
15:20 Damn it, jerk nerd character! Don’t say what I was about to say.
16:23 What…why are we getting a stoner’s theory on Paper Rock Scissors?
17:15 Okay, Panda, you are failing the first rule of RPS. Don’t throw the counter to the one they threw last turn.
18:22 Well, it is easy when the monkey is using editing magic.
18:43 Scroll up to bamboo fighting stick…
19:09 Okay, it has been like five minutes of talking to these little kids. Get to the fight already…
20:12 Oh right. Lava in an amulet obviously makes it powerful. Not exceedingly dangerous.
21:10 We got it. It just wasn’t a funny joke. Just like…say…every fucking joke so far.
22:00 Oh thank god another character.
23:00 Oh, that was a question. His mom is not actually here.
24:11 I don’t know why the panther would ever be afraid of this guy. He seems incapable of leaving his throne.
24:53 The panda doesn’t not want to talk about this! Stop asking, love interest.
25:24 AND A FART JOKE! Thanks movie!
25:43 Oh good, the panther actually is English. It is not just an affectation. He also likes to drink.
27:10 Why would there be any harm at all at looking at the amulet? I mean…we know this jackass is evil, but still.
28:26 And…they don’t find it on account of the fact that’s not actually in the dojo. Why would it be?
29:10 You guys have heard of Sudoku, right?
29:22 Oh fuck, really? The amulet was hiding behind a picture of the amulet?
30:24 Pissy “uh uh, yeah huh” fights are not funny!
31:23 Little slow on your uptake there, huh, bad guy?
32:06 That line still doesn’t make sense!
32:38 Does the janitor have a crush on the headmaster?
33:16 The name Sherman is not that hilarious.
33:40 That is some lazy ass fight choreography. They did the ball of dust.
34:09 Stop stop stop! I can’t make jokes about Star Wars when you make the exact same jokes.
34:43 We couldn’t be bothered to animate the fight, so just watch these kids talking about it, why don’t you?
35:37 Hahaha! The bad guy called the little kids for saying their plan right in front of his face.
36:32 Hang on, the amulet actually is magic? Doesn’t that defeat the entire point of these movies?
37:28 Oh okay, the amulet isn’t magic, it just randomly shoots off lightning and stuff.
38:19 Um, you aren’t allowed to just use random Star Wars quotes as a plot point just because you mentioned it earlier.
38:57 So, how did they managed to trick the bad guys into servitude? Couldn’t they just…leave?
39:40 Oh Robert Zappia. Keep trying kid. Lay off the pop culture jokes, though, they don’t age well.
Verdict: Okay, so, one, Robert Zappia is apparently old enough to have written an episode of Home Improvement, and two, what the hell did you think would happen? That was pure nonsense. The ten minutes devoted to unfunny training schtick, the laziness of the animators, the script that was trying too hard, yep, pretty terrible.
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