LAST TIME: We are in the Savage Land, where there are dinosaurs and everything crashes, and after some fapping around, the heroes run into exactly who they were looking for and get half the answers they want. And then, awesomely, that guy turns into a pterodactyl with hypno powers. And then he gets shot in the head, because tension is important, I guess.
Page 1, Panel 1: You know, I’d kinda like it if computers that talked back all sounded like Frank Nelson. “Eee-yeeeeessss, Mr. Stark?”
Page 1, Panel 2: That better be Luke Cage talking, because otherwise it is ridiculously out of character.
Page 1, Panel 4: Spider-Man can apparently judge the size of a lady’s breasts from 100 yards. Must be a Spider-power I didn’t know about.
Page 3, Panel 1: Um, guys! Luke Cage has been shot with the gun! Why is no one reacting? Oh, crummy after-effects? Oh never mind.
Page 3, Panel 4: She looks really worried about her gun shooting. Maybe stop?
Page 4, Panel 2: Me too, Luke Cage. I miss the dinosaurs too.
Page 4, Panel 4: Excellent plan, Iron Man. Steal all their paper clips with your magnets. That’ll show ‘em.
Page 5, Panel 2: HAHA! I keep forgetting that Wolverine is practically a robot, which makes his constant clashes with Magneto super pointless!
Page 6, Panel 1: Wait hey, Captain America threw his shield at Wolverine? When did, oh, there it is, it looked like a boring action scene, so I just skipped over it.
Page 6, Panel 3: Man, this red-headed Black Widow must have been a real showstopper. That’s twice they brought her up. Maybe she dyed, guys?
Page 7, Panel 2: Tell me a name or I pick your nose!
Page 7, Panel 6: That was super vague! It was good to know that they had the Skrull invasion planned literally years in advance though. They were really proud of that plot.
Page 8, Panel 1: SAURON LIVES! Somehow! Give him your rings, bitches!
Page 9, Panel 2: And Iron Man just killed him again, I guess.
Page 10, Panel 1: Oh right, healing factor, power absorption, he’s probably okay, whatever, moving on. I’m officially over it.
Page 10, Panel 2: Is…is the Savage Land underground? Because they keep suggesting it is, but I can see all of the fucking sky.
Page 10, Panel 5: Yeah, proportionate strength of a spider, it doesn’t mean that he does not occasionally get really tired. Not the same thing, dummies. Also, didn’t he get his arm broken at the beginning of the adventure? Why the hell didn’t he get it looked at? Why hasn’t he slept?
Page 11, Panel 1: Always be sure to scan for viruses at least once a week, especially when you fight crime while wearing your computer.
Page 12, Panel 2: Captain America does not approve!
Page 13, Panel 2: Um, you seemed to know exactly what was going on a panel ago. Why are you suddenly looking to Cap for validation?
Page 14, Panel 1: Have you consider telling their superiors? Or possibly the media? Instead of just charging at them to punch them in the face? Face punching will stop them for a while, but…
Page 17: Okay yeah, that was three pages of explosions for no reason.
Page 18: And now the helicarrier is here? I guess they are above ground?
Page 19, Panel 2: There are a lot of geopolitical questions about that statement that will need to be clarified, but chief among them is, why didn’t you just politely ask them to stop first? Why is explosions literally the first option?
Page 19, Panel 5: Wolverine can smell when someone is lying. His super senses confused me. Why does he need THREE separate superpowers? Wasn’t he awesome enough already?
Page 19, Panel 6: Um, not to get pedantic, but you’re heading north, so actually you’ll get to Washington D.C. before you get to New York, so it’s not exactly on the way oh never mind.
Page 20, Panel 3: How is the Avenger database still up and running? Didn’t your mansion get exploded? Where were the servers located?
Page 21, Panel 4: Wolverine just suddenly realized that he was not actually in the group. I guess he was just used to being on every team that he assumed he was on this one.
Page 22, Panel 4: Oh fuck I forgot Wolverine was a samurai too.
Page 22, Panel 5: Tony Stark is well aware that he can literally throw his money around and make anyone do whatever they want. Think about that.
Page 22, Panel 7: “And then we’ll avenge it.” Because we’re the Avengers. We avenge. Avenging is what we do.
Page 23, Panel 2: OH, oh god. That Black Widow got burned bad. She doesn’t even look human anymore. Wait hey, how did she get to a hospital?
Page 23, Panel 4: Hang on, Sauron jumping up and blasting her with firebreath (also awesome) is suddenly the Avengers’ fault? That’s some supervillain thinking.
Verdict: Meh! They introduced a lot of elements that I couldn’t care about that didn’t really wrap up the story in a very interesting way. There was some illegal mining operation that was dealt with in exactly two pages, and apparently someone was stockpiling bad guys? Whatever, all I care about is that Sauron is alive! All hail Sauron! I want more Sauron!
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