Rosario + Vampire - Episode 1: "New Life and a Vampire"

Okay, that quiet, meandering anime with a point is over, and was not really all that fun to watch. At least, it didn’t have the zany nonsense that makes overreacting to the storyline easy and accessible. So let’s watch something that looks like it’s going to devolve into ecchi nonsense, and has a stupid premise besides. It’s…..good? to be back.

NetFlix Synopsis: When Tsukune accidentally enrolls in a school for monsters disguised as humans, he must hide the fact that he's really human or risk losing his life. After falling for cute vampire Moka, he decides it's worth the risk to stay.

0:27 Apparently, this is set in the wacky 50’s.

1:22 Japanese high schoolers! They only ever talk about cute girls. That is it.

1:55 I’m wearing a tie!

2:59 They have established this girl on the phone as a cousin, so don‘t worry. Okay, worry a little.

3:42 This is literally a haunted forest. How is this guy not running home immediately?

4:17 That is the cutest bat!

4:27 Oh dang, panty shot, way too soon.

4:58 Move your hand already, idiot!

5:30 HAHA! The implication of the constant nosebleeds that are so omnipresent in these shows and a vampire is kinda funny!

6:46 The school looks like the Haunted Mansion.

7:41 Wait…so all the students are monsters, but they aren’t allowed to show any of the other students that they are actually a monster? That’s…a weird rule.

8:33 HEY GUY! Chill! You are blowing your cover!

9:08 Spooky monster, spooky monster.

10:02 Yep, sitting alone not talking to each other sure is fun.

10:29 A bit of an overreaction, I would think. Of course you would run into that guy.

11:46 Also, you’re walking around in the daytime, and not even sparkling, so you understand why I’m skeptical.

11:55 STARE AT MY BREASTS!

12:46 Ah, she was a bloodsucking virgin, and she lost it to the main guy. Cute?

13:58 How is he not dead yet? He’s not even trying to pretend he’s not human.

14:34 I also had this freaky unnatural hair color, so that hurt a bit.

15:07 Oh dang, did not expect him to reveal that so soon. So, what will the tension be, exactly?

16:04 This guy and popping out behind trees.

16:39 Oh Christ why is she covered in clear stuff? Ew!

17:00 Hey man, throwing a lady against a tree doesn’t really endear her to you. I think you’re talking the neg concept a little too far.

17:48 I’ma just lay down here.

18:10 Also at my old school, I hung out naked in a nest of vines. Now that I think about it, that’s probably why I didn’t have any friends.

19:06 OOPS! It’s not supposed to do that!

19:30 Okay, is she turning in a vampire or a Sailor Scout?

20:24 “The overwhelming energy” Zoom in on crotch.

20:58 Why exactly does she have a different voice and personality when she’s “officially” a vampire? How does this make sense?

21:48 And everything is okay now!

22:16 I sure hope you packed a month’s worth of clothes, kid.

23:13 And here are four other girls in the credits that we didn’t even bother to introduce you to yet. (Why are there are always five?)

24:22 What is a tiny woman doing in my sundae?

24:42 15 full seconds of panty shots!

Verdict: Not that is exactly what I expected! Melodramatic, blatantly exploitative, pointless rules. It’s like these things write themselves. Currently confused on how Main Idiot is going to keep the fact that he’s a human a secret, considering he just told his main love interest and an obvious antagonist, but…I’m sure they’ll just forget about it.