Danger Girl #7

I am liking this Dragon’s Lair reboot.

LAST TIME: Our heroes find and break into the bad guy’s lair, and/or begin to escape from the bad guy’s lair, and then some bad guy shows up and starts fighting a ninja. You know what, it’s kinda ridiculous, and I’m kinda impatient for it to be over.

Danger Girl #6

It’s almost as if you can’t trust Russians no matter what! They turn out to be members of the neo-Nazi organization bent on world destruction every time. Which doesn’t even make sense, because the Nazis hated the Russians.

LAST TIME: Nobody died, I think, even though it seemed very likely. Instead, they met a crappy ninja and go for a submarine ride. Then the bad guys attack, and it turns out the Russian lady was a traitor, because nonsensical plot twists are the laziest way to tell a story.

Danger Girl #5

Hey! Look behind you! There’s a tidal wave coming at you or something! Also a ninja and some chick doing some Venture Brothers cosplay for some reason. And a submarine maybe.

LAST TIME: Our heroes went to a house and fought people, managed to get most of them shot or captured, and were treated like slabs of meat by the worst nerd on the planet, who is dressed as a cowboy. I hope somebody dies, personally.

Danger Girl #4

Guys, I don’t want to concern anyone, but I think this guy might be evil. There’s just something off about him.

LAST TIME: A whole bunch of ridiculous characters get into a stupid fist fight, our heroine steals a shield, then has a really long and pointless snowmobile chase. After almost sleeping with the douchiest man on the planet, everyone is back together as a team and are off to the next target, Cowboy Richard Garfield, who is being menaced by Bad Guys.

Danger Girl #3

Yeah, look at me. Even though this book is technically about powerful women, they still bend down and worship me, the author avatar. Just ignore where that knife is, okay?

LAST TIME: EXPLOSIONS! Then the heroine went to a party with an asshole, and in what has to been the stupidest idea ever, decided getting naked in front of her enemy was better than just grabbing the thing she was after and running out the window or something.

Danger Girl #2

This is seconds before you get kicked in the face, because what the hell were you doing in here, you asshole? Can’t a lady bathe naked in a Roman jacuzzi in peace?

LAST TIME: Abbey Chase doesn’t die, and then joins Danger Girl, which is a top secret organization fighting whoever for no other reason than it will look totally sexy. They chase some fat asshole who stole a shield I guess, and now there are helicopters.

Danger Girl #1

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIES.

LAST TIME: Our heroine, who has a name and stuff, but more importantly, seems to have boobs and junk, was kidnapped by a douche bag, but then got away, and then here we go.

Danger Girl Prologue

Hey guys. Boobs. Am I right?

I’m taking a break from the big two to take a look at the other stuff. I’m not a huge fan of indie stuff, even though I should be, because while there is a lot of interesting non-hero stuff, the majority of the stuff that actually gets bought is boring licensed stuff, half-assed faux artistic stuff (looking at you, Lil’ Depressed Boy), and just straight-up cheesecake.

Danger Girl is of the latter, which is probably pretty obvious. I know little about this, except it’s the second property by the creator of Gen-13, which is seeing a bit of an comeback now that Wildstorm is officially in the DC universe now, and that this property itself is back on the shelves again. But hey, what do I need to know? Cute girl with a gun, hur hur.