It’s almost as if you can’t trust Russians no matter what! They turn out to be members of the neo-Nazi organization bent on world destruction every time. Which doesn’t even make sense, because the Nazis hated the Russians.
LAST TIME: Nobody died, I think, even though it seemed very likely. Instead, they met a crappy ninja and go for a submarine ride. Then the bad guys attack, and it turns out the Russian lady was a traitor, because nonsensical plot twists are the laziest way to tell a story.
Page 1: Oh that’s who that fat asshole from the first issue is. Apparently you can do a lot of treasure hunting while hanging out on the beach with your pineapple phone.
Page 2, Panel 2: Of course, they are going to miss out on helping their friends because of science.
Page 2, Panel 3: What the hell are you looking at that you need to stand like that, lady?
Page 3, Panel 1: Oh no they sank the ship!
Page 4, Panel 5: Everyone we care about is okay somehow! Too bad about all those extras!
Page 5, Panel 2: Hey it’s this guy that we were just reminded of! What are the odds?
Page 5, Panel 3: Are there actually sharks? Or is he being facetious?
Page 6, Panel 4: Remarkably chipper for what she’s been through.
Page 7, Panel 1: Hey, the leader is alive! And he looks awful! And apparently he knew that the Russian was a double agent the entire time!
Page 7, Panel 3: Being on fire makes me so angry!
Page 8, Panel 2: No, that is exactly what a prophecy is! Prophecies aren’t real, supposed scientist who has never seen anything mystical before.
Page 8, Panel 7: Hang on, wasn’t Abbey still wearing the ring? How did the nerd girl get ahold of it.
Page 9, Panel 2: Yeeeep. That’s Hitler. Why aren’t these guys calling themselves Nazis?
Page 10, Panel 3: Wait, Hitler’s here?! Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
Page 11, Panel 2: Hahah! He’s in a hyperbaric chamber and hella old! All kneel before the guy in the tube!
Page 12, Panel 1: You’re really smart, I mean it, Barracuda. Go ahead and swear at their leader in a room full of thousands of people who hate you.
Page 12, Panel 5: Who are these two twins? Are these the same guys from Issue 2? Because their hair and faces are different, and for some reason they are dressed like Doctor Horrible.
Page 13, Panel 2: Are those soldiers on fire? While marching in the form of a swastika? What kind of crazy imagery is going on here?
Page 13, Panel 3: Ah dang this isn’t actually Hitler. Man…I was so excited. It’s just some blond lunatic.
Page 13, Panel 5: Wait, so the Nazis thought they were descendents of Atlantis? That’s quite a theory.
Page 14, Panel 1: And here’s a scene of angels bonking women. You’re welcome.
Page 15, Panel 2: That’s not how genealogy works. You can’t just randomly decided to reverse evolution because it’s inconvenient to you.
Page 16, Panel 2: They put a dagger in her name! So you know she’s a backstabber!
Page 17, Panel 1: Boot to the head!
Page 18: Am I supposed to cut this page out and post it over my bed? Don’t waste our time with cheesecaky pinups in the actual story.
Page 19, Panel 1: Did you guys even bring explosives? Enough explosions to destroy the entire base?
Page 19, Panel 6: Why would this random goon guarding the basement know where your friends are?
Page 20, Panel 4: What, no. He really had no idea who you were talking about. He politely asked who you were looking for, and he gave you the answer almost as soon as you ask. Don’t be rude.
Page 21, Panel 1: Oh hell, another random villain. This one is wearing a hood for no reason.
Page 21, Panel 4: Oh I think it’s the guy from before! I’m not sure. But he totally has a name now! Still no face though, that sucks.
Page 21, Panel 5: Hehehe, fap fap. (This is pre-Internet, so…I guess the use can be forgiven, but still.)
Page 21, Panel 6: Yeah, masturbating would be a careless first move in a fight.
Page 22, Panel 1: Okay, I have bitched and bitched about the exploitative art in this, but this is a genuinely good picture of a lady. Mainly because it’s less “I have boobs” and more “I am a cute girl and I want to be near you.” Let’s stop talking about this.
Page 22, Panel 3: Ug…especially since it transitions straight into a shitty scene where a sleazy dude is unzipping her jumpsuit. Assholes.
Page 23, Panel 6: Oh! Apparently whip girl is actually Darkwing Duck.
Verdict: Boring. It was good to meet the villain, but man I don’t understand why they aren’t Nazis. They don’t seem to have a problem showing Nazi imagery, so why are they Hammer now? And still no explanation on why Russian girl is a bad guy. But hey, at least I found one image I could masturbate to I MEAN!
No comments:
Post a Comment