LAST TIME: All cats are out of the bag! Cats are leaping out of bags with abandon! Marcia breaks up with Minion due to him being a murderer, Tiberius gets blackmailed to do…something, and Pills’ boyfriends’ Dad is the biggest douchebag. Seriously, regains the capacity to walk and immediately starts to rob banks. The hell, sir?
0:50 We transported him to your research lab rather than an actual hospital because we have no reason!
1:18 Did your fiancée just get revealed as a murderer? Time for charades!
2:15 Someone is stealing, at most, $120 worth of non-prescription drugs! This is a serious issue!
3:13 Let’s get on board the meth train! Breaking Bad was in production at this time, right?
3:47 Holy shit, Cylon Six is guest starring. Let’s get her into a skintight dress ASAP. (typecasting)
4:12 Subtle alto sax….
4:39 Technically, that was her pretending to be your Mystique friend who was pretending to her. But whatever, who can keep identities straight when doppelgangers are around.
5:26 Also, we are literally two seconds from the door! Don’t be a bitch!
6:12 Spartacus marathon? The show wasn’t that good.
7:20 That is exactly what we want! She is a pretty lady and it is okay to say that! (I’m suddenly not okay with this.)
8:04 Oh dear he has a gun!
8:36 Why would you send your mindslave to rob the SAME pharmacy?
9:04 Sketch artists can be cops, who says they can’t?
10:03 What the hell does angel food cake smell like? It seems a pretty scentless dessert to me.
10:44 That’s not a joke! She’s literally a Jedi master! (I cannot believe how often I use the word Jedi during this blog.)
12:23 Check bouncing is a serious crime! Fiscal responsibility is important, you know.
13:37 Wait…there is already white wine ON THE TABLE! Get your set decorator in line with the dialogue, dumbies.
14:46 Chiklis is frustrated and confused.
16:32 Also, it has taken up less than an hour to get home and go to bed. That food was delicious, by the way.
17:22 You are going to get this guy super fat if you keep Jedi mind tricking him to go to lunch.
18:08 This is how far too many Battlestar Galactica fans respond to Tricia Helfer.
19:08 Look at me I’m Peter Pan!
19:53 Couldn’t you buy those in a store? Why does he need to steal those from a goddamn Army base?
20:55 Chiklis always talks to MC Skat Kat with his sexy voice.
22:05 Apparently she’s of Native American descent? What’s with the flute cue?
22:35 MIND CONTROL! HE IS BEING MIND CONTROLLED! COME ON!
23:31 Hello, woman we’ve never seen before. I guess you are a bad guy?
24:21 And I figured crashing at the house of my friend who was recently dating the love of my life is the best idea! I’m stupid!
25:33 She already ripped up the photos?! Darla is a black hole of petty.
25:58 Hang on a minute, I’m going to steal a Zima from you.
26:54 Wait, why does the Big Bad need Darla for this procedure? I thought all you needed to do was stick a syringe in his arm, and then, BAM, superpowers.
28:05 Is a troll hanging out in this hospital? What is with that shadow in the background?
28:49 Walter White would not approve of this lab.
29:12 Oh never mind, it will make explosives. Now why would she need to blow up a building?
30:09 WAIT! That’s the labs! She is opposing the Big Bad! This is news!
31:12 Good job doing that task that a literal monkey could have done, I’m glad I pulled in someone that I cannot completely trust for this mundane task.
32:13 And then we decided that it was probably a superpowers thing, because it always a superpowers thing.
32:17 HO HO Charlie Sheen reference!
32:38 Literally seven hours later! (Why is it nighttime suddenly?)
34:02 Also, punching a man in the kidneys at superspeed, which is probably stronger than true love, now that I think about it.
35:24 Well that didn’t work!
36:09 NO IT’S NOT! Let her run it out into the desert! Don’t throw it over whatever suburbs are located next to the science labs?
36:51 Hey there. Any goddamn reason you couldn’t have just planted that explosive by yourself? Stupid.
37:42 And her car explodes?
37:50 Yep! Called it.
38:00 Oh shit, this subplot again. How long is she going to try to keep her boyfriend underneath her Bene Gesserit thrall?
38:50 Maybe you’ll figure out that I’ve been altering your brain chemistry for three days now!
39:47 He’s been transferred to an actual hospital, with real doctors and medicine and stuff. Don’t even know why he was here.
40:43 Exactly how like Minion is this new guy supposed to look?
41:07 New and dumb. Couldn’t have gone full-Wolverine? Had to give him knuckle-spikes?
41:58 This evil lady has literally been driving around in a limousine for several days? Would that be easily trackable and exceedingly expensive? Just rent her a mid-sized coop!
Verdict: I cannot figure out why Cylon Six couldn’t have planted the bomb herself. Was she too used to manipulating men that she couldn’t imagine doing actual work? And how dumb does Big Bad have to be to let his newly-super powered minions walk around without any surveillance or test of loyalty? This new evil can literally just drive up and recruit him right outside his front door? At least keep them in house for a couple of hours, idiot. Also, screw Darla for not figuring out sooner than some mind control bullshit was up. She has fought several super villains!
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