Monday, March 26, 2012

No Ordinary Family - Episode 18: "No Ordinary Animal"

Ah shit…another filler episode. I hope it’s a cat. It’s definitely a dog, but I still hope it’s still a cat. I like cats.

LAST TIME: Chiklis gets mind controlled by Cylon Six to blow up something for reasons not explained. Darla also helps the Big Bad give a random jackass superpowers, even though logically it's something that any jackoff could do, and a new enemy shows up just because.

0:40 Woo! Yeah! Pop music!

1:09 Lady! Why are you stopping? The Evil Dead cam is behind you!

1:34 I’m going for a hike, and I’m totally going to wear these sunglasses. Please don’t laugh at me.

2:08 Do you think people who work in coroner’s offices have real friends? Friends that don’t often make requests involving being alone with corpses? Must be a lonely life.

2:22
I totally recognized her, she looked like a pretty lady who made a cool $200 for fifteen minutes of work!

3:07 Also, Sara Bareilles was still relevant when this TV show was filmed.

3:36 YOU DON’T LIKE BRAINWASHING? You do it literally three times a day!

4:44 I’m curious about the work a high school teacher would need to do that requires scissors.

5:45 Seriously. This guy is still running around the city with no supervision. This is the worst villain manufacturing company I’ve ever seen.

6:46 You killed a woman for literally no reason! Why?!

7:08 This lady wasn’t carrying around any identification? She doesn’t have any friends or family?

8:17 I guess Darla is just a member of the team now? What is she doing here?

8:49 I did not know that Tiberius was literally so tiny! He must be 4 feet tall!

9:54 I’m pretty sure he washes his hair! Bender probably has a shower in his home.

10:35 It takes some legitimate skill to splatter that much blood around a house. He must have been going for an Xbox achievement.

11:17
Police tape is known for its noise dampening properties. The people just randomly standing around the crime scene totally can’t hear you.

12:57 HAHAHAHA! She used her superpowers to get a twenty off the vice principal! That is terrible!

13:37 MC Skat Kat seems to think that all of the bad guys are lizards.

14:30 Oh what’s up, Marcia? I forgot you were still a character. Which is pretty terrible, now that I think about it.

15:38 Do you have avocados? I really like avocados.

16:10 WAIT WHAT?! Marcia has banshee powers?! OH SHIT!

17:02 Oh dang it is even worse! Superpowers are sexually transmitted!

18:10 Oh hey, this bad guy lady has legs! I didn’t know, all the times we’ve seen her she’s been in a limousine.

19:00 He has three degrees and he’s teaching high school? Oh man this guy has problems.

20:11 Bow chicka wow wow.

20:29 Who wants to be here for my last second of fame? I am literally burning on my return to orbit!

21:09 Good people deserve to lie to people for selfish reasons!

22:04
Because I didn’t allow traits passed onto me by my heredity determine my personality and demeanor, you condescending dick? Nerd power.

22:55 His last known address before he got sent to death row? What are the odds you will find anything there? It takes literally years to get to death row.

24:35 Why does he have fangs? Why did the superpower serum give him fangs?

25:33 OH NO! She just got stabbed by fist spikes! I hope Rogue is nearby!

26:36 Because he’s a cat, you see.

26:56 It's going to be okay, I’m just going to lie in this red paint splotch that the art department painted on the floor.

28:00 We interrupt your story about superheroes for this music video.

28:42 That is an excellent point! Another point would be why would she record her current location in her email, since it wasn’t even her idea to go to this random concert?

30:10 And obviously we would send a man not in uniform to tell someone this horrible news.

30:37 I’m sorry, I didn’t know where to park, so I just put my car on top of this building, that’s why we keep climbing up these stairs.

31:22 I’m pretty sure the architect is very appreciative of his masterpiece being used in a dumb fight scene in a third-rate TV show.

31:50 Your mamma jokes, Chiklis? Are you kidding?

32:57 Her fever is 106? How on Earth did she catch a fever from being stabbed?

33:35
Or we can try TAKING HER TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL!

34:15 Okay so, the Big Bad and the family are literally saying to each other, “We know what is going on! Let’s get on with it!”

25:20 It’s okay, I have this box that will instantly cure her of any illness, no matter what. Good thing this exists, huh?

36:47 Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Manor…

37:08 Oh, I see, the answer was 3 all along. Man, I am so stupid.

38:16 Just wait until you see the list of things we can do if we needlessly and senselessly abuse your superpowers! It’ll be great!

38:47 WAIT! This guy ISN’T the CEO? Then why the hell does he have the best office? Why does everyone come to him?

40:06 So…instead of approaching Tiberius directly, they trick him into solving their superpower equation through the ruse of an academic decathlon? That seems…obscure.

41:05 SUPERBABY! She has had sex literally five times in her entire life and she is pregnant already. She didn’t think to use protection? She is a genius!

41:59 Darla decides to go out and ruin the show’s entire FX budget. Also, I guess her hand is deteriorating?

Verdict:
That wasn’t about a dog at all! Also, I don’t recall them actually taking care of the bad guy. Oh, and they also went to the villain for help with absolutely no consequences. Also, Sara Bareilles? And that lady from the beginning had superpowers? What were they?

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