Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Danger Girl #1

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIES.

LAST TIME: Our heroine, who has a name and stuff, but more importantly, seems to have boobs and junk, was kidnapped by a douche bag, but then got away, and then here we go.

Page 1: What I just said!

Page 2, Panel 1: Oh who is this jerk? Is this Charlie? Why does Charlie look like a stereotypical comic book nerd?

Page 2, Panel 2: Oh man, pineapple phone. Fun.

Page 2, Panel 4: Ug, things like pineapple phones are less fun when you hang lampshades on them. Lampshades are for people's heads.

Page 4, Panel 3: Oh, apparently the main character is dead. Because she lacked...self control? I thought it was people with guns. They usually do it.

Page 5, Panel 5: It is entirely your fault I ran into this jeep with my boat! Not my drunken driving!

Page 6, Panel 7: Where is this and why is it on fire?

Page 7, Panel 1: Hang on, he's going to sell this no doubt priceless golden skull at a pawn shop? Does he not know a fence? Also, I wish he would stop being crazy.

Page 7, Panel 7: That's kinda cute, giving the minigun its own panel, even though it's obviously part of the former panel. A nice little "LOOK AT THIS THING!"

Page 8, Panel 5: Well them duke boys etc. etc.

Page 9, Panel 4: Listen, Donovan, can I call you Donovan? Has that joke about boobs EVER gotten a laugh? Do you think that is charming? Stop being a leering jackass.

Page 9, Panel 5: Yeah, that's right, fish'd.

Page 10, Panel 8: What did he look at? Didn't he already say he wasn't going to fall for that look behind you trick?

Page 10, Panel 11: Haha, he has a toupee you see.

Page 11, Panel 1: OH! This person was behind him. This person kicked him in the face. That would have been good to know, I just assumed Abbey did it because it was a lady's leg.

Page 11, Panel 4: HRM I DON'T TRUST THIS.

Page 12, Panel 2: How did the toupee fly up the helicopter? Is it in fact a sentient being?

Page 13-14: Enjoy all these drawings of naked hot chicks. You would think we had enough hot women already, but NOPE.

Page 15, Panel 1: Is this a TV show about collectible card games being hosted by a Old West prospector? What kind of insane universe are we in?

Page 15, Panel 2: Yeah, the remote works too, but sure, crazy whip.

Page 15, Panel 5: Are they going to make out? (Just assume I'm asking this question for every panel with two or more women, which is all of them now, apparently.)

Page 16, Panel 3: Remember, if you want people to stop talking, always throw a knife into a wall. The conversation will immediately stop, even though a knife hitting a wooden wall makes absolutely no noticable noise.

Page 16, Panel 6: This panel is literally just a lady's sexy back. It took me five seconds to notice she had a nasty scar. I thought it was just shading.

Page 17, Panel 1: Hello, I was standing here the whole time, by the way. Care for some wine? Maybe some chest hair?

Page 17, Panel 2: Hey man, don't be a dick. Does it sparkle? Then Americans will probably call it champagne.

Page 17, Panel 4: So...team Danger Girl is being lead by a transvestite? (Not judging, but what?)

Page 18, Panel 3: Where is this secret evil army openly goosestepping down the street, exactly?

Page 19, Panel 2: Knife girl, check. Whip girl, check.

Page 20, Panel 1: Oh hi copyright-infringing cameo. Also, only young people like video games? How much younger can she be than the rest of the perfect-bodied female agents?

Page 20, Panel 2: Or more specifically, a Lara Croft that we can use.

Page 21, Panel 2: AND there's the nudity. Took more pages that I thought. (Okay, she has a towel, but really, there's no reason why she shouldn't be clothed in this scene.)

Page 21, Panel 6: Wait, these secret agents have to share the same room? Do they have bunkbeds?

Page 23, Panel 3: Ug, guys. No need for all this exposition. They are going to fight a guy, the end.

Page 24, Panel 2: Now let me get this straight, your codename is what exactly? I want to make sure anyone watching us has no doubt you are the guy they are after.

Page 25, Panel 1: Holy Christ okay we get it. Legs. She has legs. Can she have pants too?

Page 25, Panel 8: No don't respond appropriately to this blatant sexism! It'll blow your cover! If you act strong and indignant, he'll know you're a spy! All strong women are spies!

Page 26, Panel 1: No, maybe it was you slapping her on the ass like she was cattle, you fucking douchebag.

Page 26, Panel 7: Wait, if he asked you to translate the text, why would you tell him the words in French?

Page 27, Panel 2: Who are these guys? Are these just random being shot guys?

Page 28, Panel 2: Couldn't resist, huh? Had to drive through a fruit stand.

Page 29, Panel 5: Oh my god, she's a jumper!

Page 30, Panel 3: Yep, that sure is some witty banter I guess.

Page 31, Panel 1: Stop her! No wait I didn't mean leap out of the damn car what are you doing?

Page 32, Panel 6: And so ends the adventures of some crazy guy with a knife. We barely cared about you.

Page 33, Panel 2: Helicopters apparently.

Verdict: Man this is pretty uninspirational. It's a stereotypical secret agent nonsense, only with so much T&A. And it's not like we haven't seen this femme fatale garbage before. You'd think if people were doing illegal stuff, they would be overly cautious around very pretty ladies.

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