Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Danger Girl #4

Guys, I don’t want to concern anyone, but I think this guy might be evil. There’s just something off about him.

LAST TIME: A whole bunch of ridiculous characters get into a stupid fist fight, our heroine steals a shield, then has a really long and pointless snowmobile chase. After almost sleeping with the douchiest man on the planet, everyone is back together as a team and are off to the next target, Cowboy Richard Garfield, who is being menaced by Bad Guys.

Page 2, Panel 4: Oh yeah, people will totally get a Fox Force Five reference. That’s what they call a deep cut! (Also, she said the word butt, so of course we are staring at her butt. You know, in case we forgot she was a pretty lady.)

Page 2, Panel 7: Wait, she wants to quit the team? Why?

Page 3, Panel 5: Um, let’s meet our cast again, I guess. I guess since they spent no time developing them, we’d need a reintroduction.

Page 3, Panel 8: Oh my the Russian girl proposed to her! Wait, what? Why did she give her a ring?

Page 4: Oh this page can fuck off. Absolutely no information given, and it ends with a panel of boobs. JUST BOOBS.

Page 5, Panel 2: The evil airline stewardess is actually adding v’s to her words where none would possibly be. Covoperate?

Page 6, Panel 2: OH NO THEY….dropped him two feet. That’s not very menacing.

Page 7, Panel 1: Yes, guys, we didn’t forget he was a nerd! Stop it!

Page 7, Panel 7: Did this guy just miss the part where they were threatening his life earlier? You’d think he’d act more scared around a robot Nazi.

Page 8, Panel 1: Weren’t we on an airplane? Why are we back on the Danger Yacht?

Page 8, Panel 3: Oh, to introduce the unwanted crossover character.

Page 9, Panel 2: How to enter someone’s house at 3 in the morning, guns drawn. Also, what is Radar doing here?

Page 10, Panel 4: Oh wow, the archeologist found a book that describes a prophecy that she’s already heard about…about Atlantis, which doesn’t make any sense, because everything about Atlantis is completely made up. So I guess she’s read this book before then.

Page 10, Panel 7: Of course he’s not her boyfriend. For one thing, they keep implying the mousey girl is a fairly full-developed 15, and for another, they’ve never met before.

Page 11, Panel 2: Something nerds would never say: “Need hit point healing capability.”

Page 11, Panel 7: Despite the fact that you are the second group of people to break into my house this evening, I’ll implicitly trust you with my most guarded secret because you are pretty ladies.

Page 12, Panel 2: And naturally, every male in this universe is a pig, even the biggest nerd on the planet.

Page 12, Panel 5: Also, because you ran up and just grabbed it without asking, you bitch.

Page 13, Panel 1: The egomaniac secret agent naturally pulls a girl to his chest every time he fires a gun.

Page 13, Panel 4: Oh hey, apparently she is a Gen-13 cosplayer. Nice pants.

Page 14, Panel 1: COME HERE YOU! Give me a hug!

Page 15, Panel 1: Yeah, she saw him. She shot him already.

Page 15, Panel 4: What’s this?! The robot is made of metallic parts? That is gross!

Page 16, Panel 5: Ah that’s wacky! One of the minions was set on fire! Hilarious!

Page 17, Panel 2: UG! Not if you’re going to make a terrible pun.

Page 17, Panel 4: Oh, another overly talkative henchman. I give him three pages before he dies horribly.

Page 17, Panel 5: Hang on, he had to say the word quiver before he even considered using the crossbow that is right there? Can these guys only fight in puns? Is that like a Danger Girl requirement?

Page 18, Panel 6: Hoho! This guy’s immolation is such a source of comedy, you guys.

Page 18, Panel 7: Talky henchman has a little teddy bear tied to the end of his sword. That is pretty cute.

Page 19, Panel 1: This guy is the worst punster. Literally cannot do a thing without assaulting our ears as well.

Page 19, Panel 3: Hang on, who is Robot Nazi kidnapping? Did we see him incapacitate anyone?

Page 20, Panel 2: And how did she get kidnapped? Literally seven pages into this fight and they didn’t even bother making it coherent.

Page 21, Panel 2: See, that’s the danger of building your house on a cliff; eventually a Neonazi is going to try to push it off with a tank.

Page 21, Panel 5: Hey guys, I’m still in this comic, so I guess everyone is accounted for. Don’t ask where I was or nothing. Had to pee in the middle of the fight, real embarrassing.

Page 22, Panel 2: OH NO SHE’S BEEN SHOT! But she had such a warm personality and we really cared about her and bwahaha just kidding. I don’t care.

Page 23, Panel 1: Well them crazy Duke boys tried to jump a house off a cliff, which we all agree is the stupidest idea those inbred bootleggers ever did have.

Verdict: I did not expect this twist in the “things been vaulted in mid air” series. A house! Keep it up guys. Also, this is the obligatory “things look bad” issue, with nearly everyone in mortal peril, although I cannot figure out why the bad guy’s decided hiding in the middle of their search was the best plan. Did they expect the Danger Girls to show up? All the puns were awful though. Don’t pun fight. It’s not funny.

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