Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Infinity Inc. - Issue 2: “Luthor’s Monsters, Part 2”

Really now? Kid Empty? Why not just name him Baby Bad Guy? Also, Superman is coming to the rescue hurray.

LAST TIME: Everyone who participated in Luthor’s weird superhero program during 52 is now damaged as fuck, and going to therapy. They appear to be randomly manifesting superpowers, and one of them is going fucking crazy, and Steel’s niece apparently turned to fog. That’s pretty bad.


Page 1, Panel 3:
These two clones are acting as if they are a gay couple. I’m sure this is a metaphor.

Page 2, Panel 1:
The platonic ideal of a bachelor pad. I mean, shit, even I know to at least close the lid of my pizza box.

Page 3, Panel 3: Haha, it’s funny because he might be transsexual and that should be shamed! (Wait, what, fuck you)

Page 3, Panel 5:
Wait, you motherfuckers KNOW that Natasha vanished in a burst of steam and you aren’t worried?

Page 4, Panel 2: What’s up? I’m Superman. I don’t respect your property rights and just walk in wherever I feel like.

Page 4, Panel 4: Isn’t Steel a Man of Science? Why on Earth is he working with paranormal groups?

Page 5, Panel 2:
Hey Superman, don’t be stealing Batman’s bit.

Page 6, Panel 1: Nope, no, sorry, Superman is not Jesus. There is no goddamn way he checked EVERY SINGLE BUILDING in a 200-mile radius in three minutes. Superman is not the fucking Flash.

Page 7, Panel 1: I’m always intrigued when there are hints that Metropolis and Gotham are normal cities with districts and ordinances and all that other stuff. Where is North Hill? Who lives there? How are the schools?

Page 7, Panel 3: And here’s a couple of shitty people who will probably die in the next two pages.

Page 8, Panel 4: Oh never mind, it’s another main character and her dad. She apparently hears the dead, and her dad is a stupid idiot who doesn’t know what to say. Yeah, of course this schizophrenic doesn’t have friends, DAD.

 Page 10, Panel 1:
This lady is a badass, according to the Comics Rules.

Page 11, Panel 2: No, Steel, you are a literal genius. Just because you can’t explain literally unexplainable doesn’t negate that you created a robot suit to fight crime in. You are this universe’s Iron Man, and you aren’t a horrible self-aggrandizing alcoholic.

Page, 11, Panel 3:
Is…is this before or after Lex Luthor was President for some reason? (I’m pretty sure after). Where the hell did Lex Luthor go?

Page 12, Panel 1: Okay what the hell is this? Is it a street fair? Concert? Get out of fake Times Square, all you fuckers!

Page 13, Panel 5: Two awkward dorks flirt.

Page 14, Panel 4: Good burn, stupid.

Page 15, Panel 2: That’s a really stupid theory, Steel. First off, Freud has been proven mostly wrong? Also, I’m sure oppression doesn’t actually manifest as superpowers. Because if that was true, then superheroes would be literally everywhere?

Page 15, Panel 5:
Still no explanation on the clones, I guess? Just…kinda happens? Also, how shitty would it be if you suddenly manifested new superpowers after being Firestorm and you suddenly became Multiple Man? I would need to go into therapy.

Page 17, Panel 7: Yeah, it’s cool, comic. No need to have anything happen.

Page 18, Panel 1: And we have a terrible name drop. Also, MAYBE save this conversation for the second date?

Page 19, Panel 3: The hell did he have on his table? Was that a plant or something?

Page 20, Panel 1:
OH NO! I was really excited about that girl and her cosplay!

Page 21, Panel 7:
I am having Simon Dark flashbacks with this image.

Page 22, Panel 2: Yeah, yeah pal. You’re a regular Bilbo Baggins. Not a creepy energy-sucking monster.

Page 22, Panel 6: Oh no John Henry Irons is totally in trouble. I totally expect him to be killed.

VERDICT: Slow and intriguing, especially when it keeps dropping bombs and just walking away. Natasha Irons has been missing for weeks and nobody gives a shit. Everyone saw that dude’s clone and apparently didn’t have anything to say. Some dude just called himself Kid Empty and people didn’t laugh in his face. Kinda hoping it picks up next issue, judging from the cover, Natasha’s fine.

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