LAST TIME: The Trinity (yes, I feel fine calling them that) visit Big Barda, who apparently lives on the set of Bewitched, to borrow her Mother Box and travel to Apokolips. The team immediately splits up and gets in trouble, all the while spouting insane, nonsensical dialogue. Turns out Supergirl has been mind controlled or something and works for Darkseid now, and celebrated by getting her hair teased.
Page 1, Panel 2: That big demon dog ate Batman?! Oh man, I give it seven pages before he bursts out of there Beowulf style.
Page 2, Panel 1: Superman just got tossed out a window. I was not even aware they were aboveground, because everything on Apokolips looks exactly the same.
Page 2, Panel 3: Say what you will about Mad Harriet, she always looks happy. Even when being straddled by Wonder Woman. Maybe especially because she’s being straddled by Wonder Woman. (Just saying. Ain’t no men nearby in the Female Furies barracks. I’m so sorry)
Page 4, Panel 2: Ah dang, I was way off. Batman just climbed out of the dog’s mouth, and then immediately demanded that the nearby soldiers get naked. (Actually what happens, not making another gay joke)
Page 5: Kara, why did you even bother putting on the shawl if the first think you do is dive into a fire? Now it’s ruined. That was good cashmere.
Page 6, Panel 1: Um, hey Batman. I see you’re going to throw around your dialogue boxes despite the fact that you’re nowhere nearby and have no idea what’s happening. That’s cool, I guess.
Page 6, Panel 6: “Just seeing [Jason Todd] alive again. The guilt I carry from his death.” …should be gone…because he’s not dead.
Page 7, Panel 3: So…Superman carries around the very substance that can kill him in his belt? Because that seems really dangerous.
Page 7, Panel 6: Kara is going full Emperor with her speech now. Search your feelings indeed.
Page 8: Oh…Superman looks so sad. He doesn’t want to punch you, Kara! It breaks his heart! (Also, what’s Darkseid’s way? Punching? Anyone can punch.)
Page 10, Panel 2: Check out Batman’s sweet boneclaws, you guys.
Page 10, Panel 4: This panel was guest-colored by Frank Miller.
Page 11, Panel 1: Wait, mother boxes can talk? They’re sentient? Since when? And why would they need to be?
Page 11, Panel 3: There’s no need to explain that you changed the password to “a myriad of possible letters and numbers,” Batman. Unless you have the option to change the password into a banana or something, it’s kinda your only option.
Page 12, Panel 2: Man, you gotta love how awesome everything sounds in the Fourth World. Hellspores. Omega Beams.
Page 13, Panel 5: …what? Batman is literally the only human here. He’s not in danger of killing “his own kind” here. And the primary character of Batman is, again, that he DOESN’T kill. Sure, he’s willing to take huge damn risks like arming a few hundred bombs, but he never intends for them to go off. Darkseid’s characterization of Batman is almost as bad as the writer’s.
Page 14, Panel 1: Oh…hey Superman. How long have you been standing there?
Page 14, Panel 2: And Wonder Woman too! Man, how convenient that they’ve both shown up unharmed.
Page 15, Panel 1: Barda decided to go home, because where else would she go? Also, if you’re not going to show up Mister Miracle, stop bringing him up.
Page 15, Panel 4: Between both these comic-book sciences, you have been given a clean bill of health. Oh, also, because you’re a Kryptonian, so you’re pretty much invincible anyway.
Page 16, Panel 1: Dang, Harbinger got a big glowing statue above her tomb. I want a big glowing statue of me when I die.
Page 16, Panel 3: Is Wonder Woman Kara’s dang guidance counselor? Who says that to someone?
Page 16, Panel 4: No, no, that guy is Batman. Not Alura. Oh, I see, you’re doing that “bring up a conversation they’ve completely forgotten” thing.
Page 16, Panel 7: Batman’s all introspective now, but he’s going to realize soon that Superman was his ride.
Page 17, Panel 7: He manipulated you. You have no darkness deep down inside. You are a teenage girl from another planet. Not a lot of depth there.
Page 20, Panel 1: Hang on, who made Kara’s uniform? Was it Martha? Because she doesn’t have heat vision.
Page 21, Panel 1: Darkseid. What are you doing? You wait for them to come into the house. You know this. You’ve done it before. Let’s put the picture back up on the big screen.
That’s how it’s done.
Page 22, Panel 1: The hell? They disintegrated Supergirl? They…they can’t do that. Can they?
Verdict: Man, I was all ready for an issue of wrapup after this one, but Darkseid came out of nowhere and just randomly decided that he wanted to kill Superman and missed. Why? No idea. How did he know Superman’s secret identity? Not pictured. It feels tacked on, and the fact that they totally killed Supergirl (and I know for a fact that it’ll be reversed next issue) just feels like an unsubtle attempt to force me to buy one more issue. Well guess what, dumbies. I bought this trade at a used book store. You got no dollars from me for your dumb story. Also, I am really sick of the color orange now!
*Superman/Batman and all associated characters are property of DC Comics.
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