So, what are the bets that we’re going to be hearing one of the 50 songs with that title? Probably closer to Elton John is more this show‘s speed, maybe even Cher if they visit another club. Worst case scenario is we get Josh Groban.
LAST TIME: The FBI guns down a guy with a three star tattoo for the crime of being in a bird store afterhours, and now everyone thinks the future is hunky dory. Apparently Charlie and The Magician are going to reveal the big secret of why everyone passed out to the world (doubt it) and Beardo’s army daughter is apparently alive and on the run from the Blackwater stand-in, who, now this is just a guess, are probably the same guys with the three star tattoos. Hell, everyone knows everyone else already, so why not?
0:45 Oh for, the kanji symbol from Ep. 7 apparently means “Believe.” And after cross-checking it against my Japanese dictionary…that does line up. Of course, she’s missing a few marks to have it actually mean anything, and it wouldn’t have looked like that if she hadn’t added that stupid scribble. You know what? Washing my hands of it.
1:10 Whose bodyscan are we staring at, guys? Oh! Nurse Guy’s! He has cancer? Dang.
3:00 Do assholes in nice cars ever do anything but get their cars hit by people we’re supposed to care about?
3:11 And our asshole is going to pretend to be from the Mafia, for fun.
3:37 Yes, okay, five full seconds of a lady smiling at us is very pleasant, but not very helpful.
4:35 Your role models are the usual suspects? Fred Fenster and Keyser Soze?
5:16 Ew. Don’t tell us about oozing.
5:46 Banana bag is a funny phrase. I will laugh at it even though it means someone is in lethal danger.
7:06 And in this economy!
7:57 Nurse Guy tried to commit suicide the same day that he saw a therapist? She must not have been a very good therapist.
9:02 Thanks for your general unhelpful advice, lady, but I think I’m going to go stand on a pier with a gun.
9:41 What’s with the dramatic build-up music? We know exactly how this scene ends.
10:30 Woah, hey, they are acting in this flashforward as if this was a scene that they each saw before. That’s pretty weird.
11:11 What? A Japanese person with a kanji tattoo? I find that very silly.
12:14 Okay seriously. Which language program tape makes the phrase “I love you” the fourth phrase they teach you?
12:22 The very thought of professing love made him vomit. (Or maybe it’s the cancer.)
13:37 Yes yes yes, we all know who Blackwater is. You don’t have to mention their name when you talk about military contractors.
14:00 Oh my god she brought an empty bottle of vodka into the house!
14:29 It’s a telephone, stupid!
14:57 That is a mature, valid point. I’m sure it will be ignored in order to throw in some more drama.
17:18 I will not comment on that last scene because it was actually pretty well-written and obvious.
17:41 Daughter. Come on. You must know. He’s a recovering alcoholic. Jeez.
19:26 Really? How? How did they zoom in to his ring? This is just beyond unlikely.
20:10 What? Do you think these people are vampires?
20:55 The NSA was wiretapping Dmitri? And they didn’t plan on telling him what they knew?
21:40 Yes, we know this is Tokyo. We can tell because of the tower. Tokyo Tower.
22:38 I would suggest guitar lessons, maybe. Instead of trying to learn from a video.
23:21 Oh, those wacky Japanese and their rampant sexism.
24:06 Yes, as opposed to the reason why you learned Japanese, which is…
24:58 Actually, you shouted it. Loudly. In a crowded bar. Someone may have heard you.
25:34 Oh, Beardo is riled. His whiskers are raised.
27:00 What a weirdo! Coming into my place of business and trying to use my services.
27:36 Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m playing some flash games here, move it along.
28:25 Huh. That would be the second time that the person you accused got really mad at you. Maybe stop accusing people of telling your wife about your dark secrets?
29:14 Why would she be wearing the shirt for the restaurant she was going to? Isn’t that like wearing the band's shirt to their concert?
30:57 If you need a couple of days to fly to Houston and be part of an extensive drug trial, go ahead and take them.
31:21 That’s not Houston!
32:23 Oh man, I love watching Americans embarrass himself in front of locals in another country! Fantastic. (Hate hate hate)
34:58 These guys are motherfucking geniuses. I’m glad these people are working in the fake FBI, because they can figure out ANYTHING.
35:48 Okay, this is the second time when someone just decided to fly to an Asian country on a whim in the same episode. What are the odds?
37:26 Well that was rude. But not entirely unexpected, because if this episode needed something, it was a villain.
37:46 You did buy an authentic Japanese umbrella though. That’s gotta be worth the trip.
38:19 Aw…Babysitter has a crush of the Nurse Guy.
39:04 Um, you’re supposed to say that you are there to apologize. Don’t be such a tough asshole.
40:34 You’ve crossed the line? What does that mean?
40:50 Aw…Beardo didn’t have a friend in the world, just a bunch of ex-drunks. That’s pretty sad.
41:03 Aren’t you going to tell him to enjoy his stay?
42:05 Did you forget that you got a tattoo?
Verdict: Well, hey, I like this guy, so I’m glad he got a whole episode, even though it advanced none of the other subplots or give us any more clues. Although I just now realize that the impetus of the episode, the T-shirt in the drawing, looks nothing like the actual t-shirt, so he would have had no reason to go to Japan. But it turns out he didn’t even need to, because everything was happening without his involvement at all. So…great. Now this episode stinks. Thanks a lot, refrigerator.
*FlashForward is available on Netflix InstantWatch and Hulu. FlashForward is property of the American Broadcasting Company.
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