Yes, this is a minute long trailer for a ten-minute film. You'd think presenting over 10 percent of your content, with exactly all of the funny jokes, would be a bad idea. But you'd be wrong, because they tricked me into watching it. So, as a bonus feature, I’ll be reviewing the entire damn “movie,” because I care that much. Let’s watch the directorial debut of Jenny McCarthy! I hope they talk about autism!
0:16 The hell is an aroma therapy facial?
0:32 LAS VEGAS! Oh wait, this is a boat in the middle of the Atlantic.
1:07 You’re right, it’s HIS fault for not adhering to some societal bullshit about marriage and eternity.
1:44 Did, did they just agree to a suicide pact?
2:08 I look totally hot right now while I’m in a bathroom getting messaged.
2:19 AHAHAHA! Who wears their sunglasses INTO the pool?
2:54 That’s right ladies, men go into slowmo whenever you walk by.
3:37 And some bullshit flailing.
3:52 Where the hell are they uploading these photos to?
4:20 Jenny McCarthy just tried to eat a butt.
4:29 And she just walked onto the stage during a performance of Chicago, and was dragged away by security shortly after and left ashore at Aruba.
5:24 Did you guys plan a $2000 cruise to get them back together? That is literally the craziest, most irresponsible thing I’ve ever heard.
6:00 I cannot emphasize how many things there are to do on this ship, the Allure of the Sea. Call Royal Carribean now!
6:32 1974? This guy is at least 40? I…I can’t tell how old black people are just by looking.
6:48 Jenny McCarthy would like to remind you that she still has some great tits.
7:26 How the hell didn’t they figure out they were on the same fucking cruise ship before now? They were doing general cruise things.
8:05 Oh man, this revelation would mean a lot more if we didn’t realize they hated each other exactly eight minutes ago.
8:20 Really? The 1960’s crappy video filter?
8:51 Can you believe this? They are serving dinner to us while we’re on a ship! I’ve never been on a boat before!
9:36 Where did he get an engagement ring? There’s a jewelry store on ship?! Come on!
10:03 Oh man, I’m sure glad this stupid attractive couple’s problems all worked out while on a beautiful OceanView cruise. Book today!
Verdict: Really? You guys want a verdict? Well, despite being a very long commercial, it was super tight. I knew what the stakes were immediately and they presented an entire story in the span of 10 minutes. It just happened to be superdumb as well.
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