LAST TIME: This jerk-off can’t get into school, can’t get a job, and to make matters worse, is inexplicably thrust into a world of adventure and excitement when a woman falls boobs-first onto his face. She suddenly falls in love with him because she was programmed to, and he gets kicked out onto the street by Mr. Roper. Then he and his magic girlfriend flew into the air, for some reason, I don’t know.
0:28 I guess that technically counts as a cold open, since I have no idea who the hell that was or why I should care.
1:02 There she is again! In the title sequence! I guess she’s important then.
2:04 It’s pretty telling that the main male character show up once in the entire goddamn title sequence.
2:37 And they fall to their death! Hurray!
3:06 Your clothes exploded again! How does this keep happening?
3:25 Now for an engaging game of boy or girl! The voice is pretty ambiguous, and the haircut can go either way. But in a show like this, an adult female without G cups is impossible, so…I’m gonna say guy.
4:02 You can not say that. Human flower garden? The fuck does that mean?
5:10 OH MAN! That shouldn’t have been funny. It’s just someone over reacting to boobs again.
5:46 Only weirdos live here. Like me, because I refuse to wear any clothes.
7:05 Naked lady, take a drink.
7:45 Damn, his mom is die hard bitch.
7:53 Goddamn it. Take another goddamn drink. Take ten.
8:38 Should I know what that word means? Did you make it up?
10:44 Woah! What? Who does that to an acquaintance?
11:24 A fist type, if you know what I mean.
12:30 Why did they pack all their goods into a single bag with a six foot diameter?
13:13 The question he should be asking himself is, “Wait, why would the Professor want to hurt me?”
13:28 I hate when men get all butthurt when women want to provide for them.
14:30 That wasn’t what we were wondering. Also, “he,” officially.
14:53 Take a fucking drink!
15:40 And another!
16:04 Holy fuck what? What? Little girl spouts from tree, what?
16:17 You can take another drink if you want, but I’m worried about your drinking habits. You seem to be hiding something.
17:09 Glug glug glug. Brap! Oh god.
17:20 You mention modesty now!? There have been like ten fucking shots of naked tits so far.
18:26 Is that a Japanese thing? When a scary fang face appears when somebody is being viciously nice?
19:12 Thine?
20:20 So….where the hell are we? Dream? Other dimension? Hell? (It’s hell, isn’t it?)
21:33 Oh shit, Green Wall? But I brought Yosuke! Now he’ll be useless….
22:02 Oh, hey. I guess we’re done, despite pretty much nothing happening. Great, just great.
22:44 Oh for Christ what the hell is this? Song’s catchy though.
23:43 No intention of making this Girls Gone Wild? Too fucking late, lady.
Verdict: Everyone put on some fucking clothes!
*Sekirei is available on Netflix InstantWatch and Hulu. Sekirei is property of Sakurako Gokurakuin/Square Enix and the SEKIREI Project.
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