I know nothing about this character, except that he has apparently been around since the 70’s, he has had TWO TV series based on him that were cancelled pretty quickly, and I got it for free from a comic shop. I think I have all the evidence I need.
Page 1, Panel 2: I sure hope this exciting story about traveling around the world to catch a mafia don was covered in the previous issues.
Page 1, Panel 5: Is “Lafayette, we are here” a super memorable line or something? I don’t get it.
Page 3, Panel 2: By that math, this creep expels about four days worth of grim a day. That’s some effective creeping.
Page 4, Panel 2: DUN DUN DUN! These guys are not who they say they are!
Page 4, Panel 6: It is customary to make the hooting sound after you claim you are Daffy Duck. Come on man, get with the program.
Page 5, Panel 3: My absolute favorite thing about DC comics is that every character gets their own special voiceover box with their logo integrated inside it. Spider-man also has one, but DC does it consistently across all comics. The Human Target has a target in his orange voiceover box. It’s pretty bland, just like the Human Target.
Page 5, Panel 5: Holy crap, is the mob gunman a robot? How did his chest explode like that?
Page 6, Panel 1: The gunmen are too stupid to figure out where the hero is hiding behind a single car.
Page 7, Panel 6: Oh crap, some cars on a highway! Seriously, how could he tell those particular cars were trouble?
Page 9, Panel 3: Um, Dale Earnhardt isn’t known for obstructing traffic. He’s kind of a star at driving in a circle over and over again. I think you meant Bullitt. That would have been a way cooler reference.
Page 9, Panel 4: Wait until Youtube sees this crappy phone footage of a mild, non-fatal traffic accident. They will go nuts!
Page 10, Panel 2: Ah, the bad guys have magic cars that can phase through other cars. That makes things a bit more difficult.
Page 10, Panel 5: Oh hey! The hero ran into the buffer barrels for once! That’s new.
Page 11, Panel 3: How the hell did the Human Target’s friend make it into the tunnel with an identical car, and where the hell did the Human Target go? I thought this was supposed to be a realistic book?
Page 12, Panel 1: Oh, okay. They switched cars…in under a minute. I find that totally plausible.
Page 12, Panel 4: Dude! Lock the windows before letting a belligerent hostage into the car! That‘s rule three of hostage taking!
Page 14, Panel 6: Well them Duke boys were in a real bucket of syrup this time. How will they ever get out of this mess?
Page 14, Panel 7: …oh, oh god. I guess they won’t.
Page 15, Panel 3: You can do that? Ask for extra combat pay? What are the rates?
Page 15, Panel 6: “Will you put him out of his misery?” “Yes, sir.” BLAM! “What the? What the hell did you do that for? We needed him as a witness.” “Choose your words more carefully next time, sir.”
Page 16, Panel 3: OH SHIT! He actually is dead! I was just making a joke!
Page 16, Panel 4: Ah yes, he suffered a major, life-killing heart attack between quips. Don’t know how you guys didn’t notice.
Page 17: Oh hey, a second story. I sure did get more than I paid for, that’s for sure.
Page 17, Panel 1: Specifically, part 6 of a second story, so I don’t know what’s going in two different stories instead of just one.
Page 17, Panel 2: The evil assassin lady appears to be holding one of those stick bundles that the Blair Witch left in the forest.
Page 17, Panel 7: “I like to think of myself as a man with many hats. And pants.“ And shirts. And suit jackets. I don’t have a lot of shoes though.
Page 18-19: What is this gibberish? It’s striking, but also difficult to care about. It’s like a chessboard of boring images.
Page 18, Panel 9: I don’t have a resume, but if I did, it would look like this. 1995-1997: General Manager at KFC. Then it would stop.
Panel 19, Panel 5: Oh, his resume would be a bunch of pictures of him punching guys. I don’t think you can get a job as a project manager with those credentials.
Page 19, Panel 6: “Something it’s about kicking.” This guy is the worst internal quipper. It’s as if Spider-Man played Call of Duty all through high school.
Page 20-21: More of this! I’ve seen enough, thanks.
Page 20, Panel 7: They’ve used two-thirds of the page showing us that he noticed the same tattoo everywhere. Dear Asian crime syndicates, stop tattooing your operatives.
Page 20, Panel 9: Did that dagger pop out of her hand like she was Wolverine?
Page 21, Panel 5: This panel is simply the word Ow. No art, just that word in red font on black.
Page 21, Panel 7: This guy sure gets cut a fucking lot. Although I don’t understand how his ankle getting sliced equals “the line between life and death”
Page 21, Panel 9: Oh, no problem. I’ma just lie down and bleed out, thanks.
Page 22, Panel 2: Oh shit! His old boss hired him to be killed! Oh crap, what could that mean oh wait never mind this is the last issue in the miniseries. Guess I’ll just watch the show oh shit that off the air too.
Page 22, Panel 6: “How’d your date go?” “I kicked her off the balcony of my high rise apartment! I’m kinda curious how I’m going to get away with this, actually, since she died in a super public place and is easily trackable back to me.”
Page 22, Panel 8: Ug, puns. Puns about potentially fatal injuries, no less.
Page 25, Panel 4: Okay, we‘re out of the comic now, but I have got to talk about this awesome/stupid preview of Guy Gardner being top space cop on Oa. He just manifested a handheld camera and is recording an emotional “when I’m gone” video. How is he doing this? Who is it for? How are they going to get this video footage, since he isn’t using a real camera and therefore isn’t really recording on anything? Is this just a roundabout way of passing info on to the next owner of the ring? Who knows, and who cares, because it’s goddamn Guy Gardner.
Page 26, Panel 3: And here he is chasing down an alien on a green motorcycle in space.
Page 27: And then he punches through the window and shouts, and I quote: “You have the right to scream as loud as ya want while I kick your @$$!” Completely awestupid.
Verdict: Yeah that was fine. It was a bit fun to read, although really weird to read the last issue of a miniseries that wasn’t even adequately positioned in the universe it purported to be in. Sure, I had no idea who anyone was or what significance they had, and if this was the actual end to these stories that I’ve been following for $20, I would feel a bit miffed at the lack of satisfactory story-building conclusion, but as a minor diversion, it was fun to read, if only for the crappy dialogue.
*The Human Target is property of DC Comics.
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