Ho ho what a wacky adventure! Dogs being shot into space by the Russian space program! That wasn’t a supersad story! Not every single animal that was shot into space died horribly!
0:10 UG Phase 4 again. These guys are constantly bad at this.
0:30 Universal…I mean…Epic Epic films.
1:06 Is it obvious we are in Russia? We can make it more obvious if needed.
1:55 He’s the only one of the plane and he doesn’t take an aisle seat?
2:54 Wait…did he fly to New York or Washington D.C.? Because those are two distinctly different cities.
3:38 Mr. President, here is an adorable puppy. You have 48 hours to make your decision.
4:39 I don’t remember hearing about Kennedy’s pet rabbit.
5:12 Life was good in Moscow? I don’t believe it.
6:03 I called it! There would be a rat sidekick, who is ridiculous and a comic sidekick…who is also hitting on a crow?
7:29 The rat has a gold tooth!
7:50 Wait…both main characters in this film are female? Now I’ve heard everything.
8:22 Bear on a motorcycle.
9:05 No, no you shouldn’t be eating 40 donuts every night. That is bad for you.
9:45 This circus is run by the animals? To the point where they need a dummy human ringmaster to keep up the façade?
10:29 Wait…all of those rabbits fell over and the music didn’t stop at all! Lipsyncing! Lipsyncing!
11:29 Oh, this lady is not the same dog telling the story. That’s weird, they have the same head.
11:56 If you are going to make a food joke, at least make a food joke specific to the county.
13:31 Elephants are large. That is the joke.
14:07 No seriously, why couldn’t they just get the pig to do this? Because he was too busy dicking around with his pants?
16:22 Or maybe buy something at the store? I mean that’s at least, what, 100 rubles?
17:20 Your name is hilarious for no discernible reason.
12:40 Fleas are Mexican?
18:42 This pug will not stop peeing on shit.
19:50 Why would these animals need to buy tickets?
21:14 What a coincidence that all three of the bad guys were trapped by the same cleaning machine.
21:40 Also, I’m a rat that apparently cares about money.
21:58 Politics joke.
22:35 Here’s a quick lesson about Russian art.
23:45 Oh man, is this one dog going to tell the other dog about how there are nine realms?
24:31 This lady dog does not want to admit she got knocked up by a stranger, so instead she pretends that her baby daddy is a constellation.
25:23 These words have two meanings, you see.
26:17 Come on, comrades! This does not further the goals of the proletariat.
27:29 That’s a fantastic idea! You are a rat! You should love dumpsters.
27:54 Bagels? On a rope? Also, not thick enough for bagels.
28:43 Let them go, the only three other dogs in all of Moscow.
30:30 You know, cartoons really lean on the dogcatcher as badguy motif way too much. All these guys do is keep stray animals off the streets and put them in shelters, where they can be adopted! Why are they always fat and boorish?
31:34 Um…no! I don’t know why you would even think she would know the rules of the street. She speaks with an affectation!
33:52 Apparently every animal in this circus wants to sleep with the dog. They are way too complimentary.
34:34 Um…you don’t…have to. You have thumbs. Use your thumbs.
35:28 Why is that dachshund wearing a full body suit?
36:24 Yeah, that’s not what water looks like.
37:05 I would complain that they didn’t give them pillows or anything, then I realized they were dogs, and they were given way more accoutrements than they really needed.
38:06 Wait, that’s how the puppy got lost? It ran fifteen feet away and they didn’t bother to look for her?
38:44 Wait, why is the rat training with the dogs? There’s a separate group of rats he could be training with.
39:51 We will rebuild you!
40:40 Also, it’s like 2 in the afternoon, so this doesn’t really count as breakfast!
41:38 Stop being fancy!
42:23 What the hell is up with these fleas? Stop showing us the fleas!
42:44 Yeah, this seems sane. Put a bunch of dogs into that centrifuge they force astronauts to sit in.
43:17 What happens if they don’t participate in the space program that they were conscripted into against their will? Why would they even participate in this?
44:33 Hey lady, fuck you because you’re unpopular for no reason.
45:50 Oh right, she’s terrified of fire. I kinda remember now.
46:19 Ah shit these dogs again. I was sick of them twenty minutes ago.
46:57 I’m a sexist douche bag, you know that already, princess.
47:47 It’s almost like we heard someone say that already!
48:07 Yeah sure, I’m totally sure they sent dogs in space suits down into the swimming pool for anti-gravity training.
49:23 Bats: Angels of Freedom
50:09 It’s okay, I’m just a crazy person!
50:30 Cat with a monocle!
51:43 Now…a pointless montage. With words!
52:01 Oh dear that is not how dachshunds work.
52:26 Stop that dog who is defying the laws of gravity! We can’t have that at our training camp!
53:08 Um, smooth? Why did the boss dog do that?
53:36 They are showing the dog a Russian comedy film? Why?
54:18 Apparently the rabbit band can’t play properly if the dog isn’t there…?
55:29 You’re going to die horribly from asphyxiation. I don’t know why we just don’t send a couple of idiots up, frankly. All this training seems like a waste of time.
57:13 Who just cheered? Is there an audience?
57:50 Nothing interesting anywhere in the world!
58:25 I think the sergeant dog has a crush on the lady dogs, and doesn’t want them to die in space.
59:26 Yep! He totally wants to nail the white dog!
1:00:00 WHAT? White dog is in love of the sergeant as well? The hell?
1:00:21 I recognize this noise from my telephone.
1:00:57 Russia: There are cameras everywhere.
1:01:40 Wait…wasn’t the rules SPECIFICALLY that two space cadets would go on the mission? What the fuck is the rat doing there?
1:02:13 All those other rats apparently being shipped in an egg carton are wondering what the hell makes the sidekick rat so special.
1:03:37 Congratulations space dogs! Now, goodbye forever, we really don’t have a recovery plan.
1:04:27 The hell is that thing? Oh…Sputnik. What’s up, Sputnik?
1:05:09 Apparently the mission was to change Sputnik battery. The mission…they gave to dogs. Also..Sputnik ran on a D battery.
1:06:31 Her father better appear Mufasa-style in the sky or I’m going to be upset.
1:06:57 Someone’s back there?! How did someone stow away on a fucking space shuttle?!
1:07:40 They apparently still have fuel and thrusters?
1:08:19 As opposed to…ground stars?
1:09:21 Fire! Fire is PRETTY bad. Especially in a spaceship, where it is eating up all the fucking oxygen! You should be dead!
1:10:19 How are you out of water already? You haven’t even used any water. And why is the liquid food even hooked up to the fire control system you apparently have?
1:11:18 They keep on saying this guy’s name and all I hear is “Cat Bag”
1:11:54 Considering they were just about to land…why did they have all that food on the ship in the first place?
1:12:43 I’m concerned that a meteor zone was within two minutes rocket flight in space.
1:13:33 Hey, peanut gallery, they are kinda having a moment here. Apparently they love each other.
1:14:03 Wait what? These dogs know their astrological signs?
1:14:33 I’m sure he was not completely made up by your slut of a mother.
1:15:59 That bird has been flying with that hunk of cheese for a month?
1:16:59 It would…ruin the story? Why the hell couldn’t the world know that?
1:17:33 I like this cat. He called complete bullshit on this entire movie.
1:17:58 A sticker! Irrefutable proof that it’s true!
1:19:02 Oh hey, the tough guy dog that hasn’t been a character for at least an hour.
1:20:07 A…heartwarming piano solo? Um…okay.
1:20:47 Oh fuck you fleas!
1:21:31 Check out all these dogs we put ridiculous costumes on!
1:23:00 Oh hey, actual video evidence that a couple of dogs did survive a trip into space. Huh. Guess I was wrong.
1:24:20 Oh shit, true story! One of the puppies of the space dogs was in fact given to Kennedy’s daughter. In real life! I learned something today.
Verdict: I don’t know, it wasn’t god awful. I mean, there were a few boring and nonsense bits (Cat Psychologist), but it was good to see a couple of female protagonists with personality, even though one of them was pointless and only made things worse. (Seriously, space dog daddy?) Also screw the rat sidekick. But yeah, good bit of history wrapped up in a dumb package.
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