Really? William…Shatner will play…the role of…Santa Claus? Okay, there, got that out of my system. Also, Veronica sounds like a great friend. “Go on, track down and capture the very entity that almost everyone above the age of 12 knows doesn’t exist! I will crush your spirit!”
0:05 Oh boy, old-timey film! Who doesn’t love imperfection in the film?
0:31 No! I have not heard that one! Who the hell are you?
1:02 I think there’s something wrong with the projector.
2:02 Apparently Santa is stupid enough to fly directly into a giant net.
3:11 Couldn’t they just…take a picture of Santa Claus? Wouldn’t that be enough proof? Maybe ask him for some ID.
4:16 They are playing chess. That’s not even mildly funny.
4:46 Why are there people watching them play chess?
5:56 Hey I remember these dummies from earlier, when the film was all scratchy and old-timey. Why was that so earlier?
6:26 You dropped a….chess piece? Why were you carrying a chess piece?
6:57 CUDDLES THE RAINBOW UNICORN!
7:32 Okay, yeah, let’s stop singing. No need, it’s okay.
8:28 Get out of the street! The…street in the void. What is with this void?
9:30 And why was I having it an obnoxious, slow, sing-songy kind of way?
10:26 Ah, this Santa Claus has a Scotty. That’s only appropriate.
11:03 Oh my! Sexy Mrs. Claus!
11:21 He was hiding a donut in his sock.
12:30 This pagoda Santa is terrible. At least make sure the beard is attached to your face.
13:46 Also, how did we not come to that conclusion immediately? Why did you have to print out X-rays?
14:40 OH MAN! What if Santa had a space time machine? That would make so much sense.
15:30 This kid has an observatory on his roof?
16:03 Christmas time every 100 years, specifically.
16:49 “Outer space, 7:30 p.m.”
17:15 Okay, there is some kind of ice golem on a comet with snowmen minions. This has gotten weird.
17:44 Christmas time compared to what?! You are in space!
18:18 “Oh, fantastic. You made him sing.”
19:20 The ice golem stole one of the snowmen’s top hat so that he could do a vaudeville act.
20:50 He just asked for a dozen pink presents for no reason whatsoever.
21:34 That was the shortest checklist ever. Just presents and carrots.
22:10 Why are you breeching this now!? He was just about to leave! Maybe bring that up in June?
23:12 I’m just going to sit here on a chair in the middle of the room. I’m not going to, say, go home and celebrate with my family or anything.
24:38 I heard this song already! It sucked then.
26:16 So…is this comet going to collide with the Earth? Because I’d be more concerned about that.
27:54 Where are the reindeers? I don’t see any reindeer. Why would you need to bring carrots if you’re not actually bringing the reindeer?
28:43 Mrs. Claus is suddenly on board with the plan?
29:09 There just happened to be an old gift back there, huh.
29:57 Who leaves donuts for Santa Claus? I though they were supposed to leave cookies. They are even singing about the cookies!
31:03 A cage. A cage with a weight gauge.
31:43 WAIT! If he has a lock on Santa Claus, just show skeptic girl! That’s all the proof you need!
32:35 What the hell was Santa Claus doing above the stratosphere?
33:13 And the little elf would be dead! She just jumped behind a jet engine.
34:12 He could do that any time? Just teleport to earth? Why doesn’t he stay there?
35:02 Haha! One of the nerdy twins just fell 30 feet off the roof! He’s probably hurt!
36:01 That was some serious slapstick timewasting bullshit.
36:50 This chick is still skeptical? Seriously?
37:47 Is it a vibrator?
38:12 Santa Claus has a father? Who is he?
39:20 Um, yeah, a chainsaw isn’t going to work on a steel cage like that.
40:14 And then he just locked her into the shed. I think he’s forgotten his mission, you were trying to impress your way into her pants, kid. Not winning any points here.
41:37 Where the hell are we? Who are we listening to?
42:19 Really? Earth hasn’t changed much in the last 100 years? Just the presence of cars should be shocking you, Larfreeze. Oh wait, I mean LeFreeze. Not the Orange Lantern.
43:26 How is destroying this town with ice beams getting back at Santa Claus?
44:29 Um, yeah. Just go, I don’t know, anywhere else.
45:09 You are in a shed! Just find a hammer!
45:37 Just take a picture of the flying sled! That is all the stupid proof you need!
46:27 Why is the ice golem freaking out about the children?
46:57 THERE’S NO NEED TO YELL! They are 20 feet away!
47:29 The conflict has devolved into a snowball fight.
48:33 How did you not see him there? He is 20 feet tall!
49:08 Oh yeah! Time for a gorn fight! Let’s do this Kirk style!
49:57 Maybe LeFreeze is going to start talking in third person.
50:18 The villain just started having an existential crisis.
51:24 You said it, kid. Absurd as shit.
51:56 Oh hell really? The carrots were a plot point to buy off the snowmen.
52:59 He should! He should put them on the naughty list forever!
53:31 So, you took a picture of your face. There is no way holding it at arm’s length would have gotten a sufficient group picture.
54:46 Funky Santa. This song doesn’t suck as bad, even though this scene is an exact repeat of one that happened earlier.
56:27 OH FUCK YOU! It was all a shitty dream?
57:01 Yep, that totally happened. It broke in the snowball fight.
57:29 Wait, this kid plays in chess tournaments? Wouldn’t he already have a chess set?
58:40 No, no, this Christmas special was the exact same bullshit that it always is.
59:22 I proved Santa exists by telling you this fictional story!
1:00:02 Yeah, I didn’t buy into an ice golem freaking out about a teddy bear. Because that’s stupid.
1:02:34 Oh that explains it. Canada.
1:03:34 They animated a session of William Shatner’s recording, and it is crazy. He keep talking about chainsaws.
1:04:42 Shatner cannot get this one line! It’s a very common Christmas song! How does he not know this?
Verdict: I think the scene where Shatner had a psychotic episode in the sound booth trying to sing “Deck the Halls” may have saved this one, then I remembered the rest of it was pretty crap, and their framing device didn’t make any sense, and what was up with that ice golem, and none of the jokes were funny. I could go on, but at least the animation was clear and stylized, and that last little bit was kinda great. Was he under the impression Santa was chasing the protagonist with a chainsaw?
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