LAST ISSUE: All the criminals broke out of Pottymouth Prison and beat the crap out of Spider-man, and then everyone got together to fight as a big team, but then the Purple Man just told Luke Cage to kill all his friends! What will happen next, gentle viewers?
Page 1, Panel 1: Ah, the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier. Why travel in any reasonable fashion when you own something this cool?
Page 2, Panel 2: Bagel toss!
Page 2, Panel 3: What? You’re just going to skip straight over the epic battle where they talk down Luke Cage? But…but…there was so much fight left.
Page 3, Panel 1: Oh, that was a flashforward, I see. They were just letting us know that they weren’t going to kill Iron Man or Captain America. Because I totally see that happening.
Page 3, Panel 1, etc.: Why are they talking to each other about events that they both saw as if neither of them were actually there?
Page 4, Panel 4: Purple Man’s powers aren’t working? Then why do you look like you really need to pee, Luke Cage?
Page 5, Panel 2: Technically he was threatening your child to the back of your head.
Page 5, Panel 5: Blood sure looks a lot like maple syrup.
Page 6, Panel 5: What? They kindly asked all the bad guys to get back in their cells? That’s it? There are at least 40 super villains in this room. There are six of you.
Page 7, Panel 3: Really? I think putting Spider-Man, Iron Man, and Captain America in the same room is a great idea! Although they usually call it Comic-Con.
Page 9: Hey Sentry! Welcome back, you fucking diva.
Page 11, Panel 1: Ah, Iron Man doesn’t want to reassemble the Avengers because it cost him a fortune. Mind, he says this while he’s standing on the helicarrier.
Page 12, Panel 3: Captain America knows who Spider-Man is, and visited him at work. Great tact, this guy.
Page 13, Panel 6: Cap cannot stop calling Peter Good Man. Maybe he thinks that’s his name.
Page 14, Panel 4: You do not touch Luke Cage’s lady, especially when she directs you to!
Page 15, Panel 4: Yes, the idea of teams is completely foreign to Luke Cage, who has not spend the last 30 years constantly teaming up with Iron Fist and working with the Heroes for Hire. Really foreign idea to him.
Page 15, Panel 6: I’m really curious what Luke Cage’s plans for the team are. Are we talking Taco Nights?
Page 16, Panel 4: GREAT JOB, DAREDEVIL! You must be a hell of a lawyer, able to keep a secret so well.
Page 17: Holy crap there is a woman punching something over there! Seriously, why are all the dudes in the room staring at her?
Page 18: Oh fuck faces!
Page 18, Panel 9: What civilians? Do you mean Foggy? Because Foggy Nelson cannot die. He’s the fat sidekick. They are practically invincible.
Page 18, Panel 19: Spider-Woman is very concerned that they have a neat clubhouse, because being an Avenger is just like third grade, apparently.
Page 18, Panel 24: HURRR.
Page 20, Panel 2: Cap, stop pushing on Jarvis’s chest. You’re going to push him over.
Page 20, Panel 4: We just going to continue to ignore Spider-Man ducking in and out of frame?
Page 21, Panel 2: Man, it must suck to be Tony Stark. Avengers always assuming they can just crash at your place.
Page 21, Panel 4: They already got the table stenciled with the logo? That was fast.
Page 22, Panel 1: Oh man who is Jessica Drew talking to?!
Page 22, Panel 5: Oh no! She’s talking to a villain of some kind! I wonder who it is, I’ll just turn to the page to see the dramatic full-page reveal and…
Page 23 (?): Oh goddamn it!
Verdict: Ah yeah, some classic, super boring team building, with some promises of stuff to come and everyone talking at each other’s face. Although the Jessica Drew as a traitor thing seems interesting, too bad they decided to keep that a big old secret (Here’s a hint that was totally spoiled by the wiki I check: She’s a Skrull. So, there you go.)
Also, wasn’t the Sentry going to be asked to join the Avengers? He was on the cover and everything, and it was pretty much implied that he was the one who ended the big fight. In fact, what the heck was Matt Murdock going to ask him anyway? Were you guys going to resolve that at all?
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